5 Centimeters
by Sabathiel
Summary: <html><head></head>Do you know the speed at which cherry blossoms fall? At what speed must I live to be able to see you again? Izaya/Shizuo.</html>
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I don't own DRRR!**

**For the kink meme~**  
><strong>And title comes from the movie, <em>5 CM Per Second<em> (_Byousoku 5 CM_)**  
><strong>I wouldn't say it's really based on the movie, but I'm definitely borrowing the catchline and the exchanging of letters.<strong>

**Suggested Song: Iris by The Goo Goo Dolls**

**Prompt:**

Shizuo has a deadly disease which he recently found out about. He doesn't have much time left to live [a year? a few months? you choose bro].

Izaya keeps annoying Shizuo and getting on his nerves because he doesn't know about the illness, only Kasuka does.

Izaya somehow finds out about it and feels VERY guilty for hurting Shizuo, so he wants to make it up to him by helping Shizuo do all the things that he's ever wanted. They bond and eventually Izaya falls in love with Shizuo [and maybe Shizuo falls in love with Izaya too? you decide] and doesn't want him t'die. He's trying everything to keep Shizuo alive. Paying for surgeries, medicines, anythng. (Shizuo'll decline everything at first, but Izaya (maaaybee?) will just cry and tell him that he can't lose him)

Shizuo dies at the end. Leaving Izaya all alone and sad.

I want sweet sweet angst. I wanna see how it effects Izaya's life and job.

and I want Shiki to notice and comfort Izaya

* * *

><p>Something seemed to be wrong.<p>

Shizuo knew it the moment he had violently ripped a vending machine from the ground and tendrils of discomfort took hold of his arms and snaked rapidly down his body. For a moment, Shizuo thought his body was going to break and give into the weight of the vending machine, but just as quick as the discomfort had appeared, the pain vanished and he was able to take aim and throw it at the stupid flea. Shizuo stood rooted in his spot as the informant made his escape, staring into the palm of his hand in deep concentration. Carefully, he checked himself over, feeling for any painful places that might have caused his sudden hitch in strength. However, since everything appeared to be fine, Shizuo regarded it as a fluke and headed home, convincing himself that he was worrying over nothing.

Something must have been wrong.

But it happened again two weeks later. Shizuo knew it the moment he had retreated home to examine himself of the collateral damage he had received from fighting those thugs and saw the bruises on his arms. He had been using a lamp post to beat off some thugs Izaya sent after him. There was that lack of strength for a brief moment, the tendrils of discomfort taking a painful hold deep into his arms, and all of a sudden the lamp post seemed much too heavy for him to hold. He dropped it as it had seared him and resorted to using his fists instead. When he returned home, there were bruises on his arms where the blood vessels had broke beneath his skin and spread like a blossoming flower.

He tried to convince himself Izaya was the cause of his bruises and he really wasn't all that invincible and it was just a fluke. But Shizuo knew better than that.

Something really was wrong.

Kasuka knew it the moment he saw the bruises all over Shizuo's body in shades of blues, yellows, greens, and purples when his brother had taken off his shirt.

Two more weeks after the second incident, Kasuka came into Ikebukuro to film a commercial. He stayed with Shizuo during this shoot. Being observant, Kasuka noticed something about his brother had changed, from the way he carried himself to the way he acted. Shizuo developed a slouch as if it was painful for him to keep standing up straight for so long. He was exhausted as if he had been working long hours into the late night. He tried to the best of his abilities to help around, but Shizuo had kept shooing him away, insisting that it was the older brother's job to take care of everything.

It was one late evening when Shizuo came home from work, clearly burned out. All the fight seemed to have been drained out of him and Kasuka had to wonder if he had been chasing Izaya around all day again. Numbly, Shizuo reached to undo his shirt buttons slowly and undressed into something more comfortable. It was then, when his back was exposed, that Kasuka saw the colorful array of bruises.

"Brother, what happened?" Kasuka asked with concern.

Shizuo looked over his shoulder at him with dead eyes and realized his brother was asking about the bruises. The blond merely shrugged and continued undressing.

"Brother, this looks serious," Kasuka said persistently.

"It's nothing. Don't worry about it," Shizuo answered, trying to get his brother to drop it. He was feeling hot and his body ached all over. He just wanted to crash into bed and sleep forever and ever. Seeing Kasuka's genuinely concerned face, Shizuo forced a smile. "Seriously, it's okay. Fighting with the flea again. Don't worry about it. Just need some sleep." Bidding his brother good night, Shizuo turned in for the night.

Kasuka was woken in the late hours of night, feeling a sudden awareness and worry come over him when he heard Shizuo tumbling around and blindly trying to find his way around the small apartment. A light came on from the bathroom and he heard Shizuo's dry heaves as he tried to expel whatever was in his stomach. Tiredly, Kasuka approached his brother, sitting down onto the cold bathroom tiles next to him and pet his back comfortingly. It was then he noticed that Shizuo had spiked a fever and his eyes looked glassy and distant.

Shizuo's gut felt swollen and his throat burned from the stomach acid. Kasuka offered him a glass of water to rinse out his mouth which he gratefully accepted. After getting the acrid taste out of his mouth, Shizuo tried to drink some to prevent dehydration, but he couldn't even seem to hold the water down and he puked it back out into the toilet. Along with the water and the remnants of dinner, up came blood. It stained the white porcelain of the toilet and Shizuo fell back, looking utterly defeated.

After coughing up more blood into his hand, he looked to Kasuka and with lips and teeth stained red, and moaned hoarsely, "Call Shinra."

The doctor arrived half an hour later, rushing as soon as he received the call. Kasuka let him in and led him to the bathroom where Shizuo was practically curled in a fetal position on the cold bathroom tiles. His gut was in pain, no, his whole body was in pain. It felt like a thousand needles stabbing into him, all over his body.

"What happened?" Shinra gasped, dropping to Shizuo's side to check his temperature and pulse. Softly, Kasuka relayed the story to him, including the part about Shizuo covered in bruises, to which the doctor immediately pulled off the blond's shirt. "This is bad," Shinra stated austerely. Digging through his medical supplies, he pulled out some painkiller pills and literally forced them down Shizuo's throat. It was no use though because seconds after swallowing, Shizuo had spit up the chalky substance, practically choking on his own bile. "Shizuo, I'm going to put you to sleep, alright?" Shinra said reaching for a syringe in his bag. "You're going to be okay."

Shizuo nodded, barely understanding what Shinra was saying to him. It was all muffled to him and he closed his eyes as he felt the tip of the syringe pierce skin and the injection of some sort of liquid painkiller. Within moments, Shizuo felt dizzy and woozy, like he was drunk, and then everything faded to black.

When the anesthetics wore off and Shizuo awoke, the first thing he felt was the relief of the white-hot pain in his gut being gone and the first thing he saw was his brother at his side and the doctor adjusting the IV. Both of them looked exhausted and bleak. Shizuo coughed, getting both of their attentions and Kasuka dutifully helped his older brother sit up. "How bad is it?" he rasped, seeing a hint of honest fear in his brother's eyes.

"That strength of yours has been giving you small internal injuries every time you push yourself to use it. Slowly, but surely, your body will fall apart," Shinra answered.

"So how much longer do I have?" the blond inquired. The doctor made a sound of protest as he looked at him grimly, all the while shaking his head and trying to delay the answer. "Damn it, Shinra! Just fucking tell me how much longer I have!" Shizuo snarled, sick of being sheltered.

"Brother," Kasuka interrupted, trying to put off the news. "Maybe you should-"

"One year," Shinra said, caving in. "One year at the most, Shizuo-kun, if you take precautions. Maybe there'll be a miracle if you stop pushing yourself, but at this time, I can't be sure. Your internal injuries are severe. If you keep using your strength recklessly, you won't even last a year. You'll collapse in no time."

"When I was younger, you told me nothing could ever hurt me," the blond stated, changing the subject completely. "Don't you think it's kind of poetic that my strength is my own undoing?"

Shizuo couldn't help but to laugh at his situation.


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: I don't own DRRR!**

**Suggested Song: Heartbeats by broove**

* * *

><p>There were three different kinds of pills Shinra prescribed to him. There was a chalky white pill, Vicodin, for pain relief, a red gel capsule for blood regulation and a stupid round yellow pill with a smiley face on it for daily vitamin intake. (How Shinra got the latter Shizuo would never know and he inwardly cringed every time he took one). Shizuo carried these pills with him everywhere in a blue Hello Kitty pill case tucked safely in his pocket where he <em>used<em> to keep his cigarettes. His cancer sticks had been confiscated by Kasuka and Shinra in an attempt to prolong his life, not that it would have made a difference at this point.

Shizuo had also asked Shinra and Kasuka to keep his illness a secret. He couldn't bear to have everybody look down on him with pitying eyes and sorrowful looks. However, ten minutes after his request, Shinra had gone and blabbed to Celty, claiming that he could never keep a secret from his beloved. Upon finding out, she had thrown her arms around Shizuo and hugged him tightly. She'd promised to him silently that she'd be the one to take him to Valhalla once all the pain was gone and he was free.

But just as Shinra couldn't keep a secret from Celty, Shizuo couldn't lie to Tom and told him the doctor's predicament. Tom had looked at him sadly, patted Shizuo on the shoulder and told him to take a day off. Thanks to Shinra's orders, Shizuo couldn't work as Tom's bodyguard anymore and he was once again jobless. Kasuka had assured him that it would be fine and his acting salary would be more than enough to support the both of them and pay for medical bills.

Seeing that Shizuo was starting to become a shell of what he used to be, Celty brought him an old laptop and showed him how to browse on chat boards in hopes that he could vent and spill to an anonymous friend. She made sure to keep him away from her chat board because of all the familiar faces and led him to a quieter one. Shizuo signed up as 'Otonashi' and browsed for the rest of the day.

He attempted to talk to a few people on the boards, but he felt awkward just looking for a friend to talk to online. There was one person, though, who had welcomed him in warmly, but after Shizuo said that he just wanted a friend, he was declared a "40 year old ax-wielding pedo murderer" and banned from the boards. It was then that a lurking user prompted him via private chat message.

**Nakura**  
><em>Hello, Otonashi-san. Those people are just awful, yeah?<em>

**Otonashi**  
><em>What do you want?<em>

**Nakura**  
><em>To be your friend. Didn't you say you wanted one?<em>

**Otonashi**  
><em>What does it matter to you?<em>

**Nakura**  
><em>So mean!<em>

**Otonashi**  
><em>... I'm sorry.<em>

**Nakura**  
><em>What's the matter, Oto-chan?<em>

**Otonashi**  
><em>It's a long story and don't call me that.<em>

**Nakura **  
><em>I have all the time in the world.<em>

At first, he told him just the minimum details that he wasn't well and needed to vent, but Nakura-san was so kind, supportive and consoling that Shizuo couldn't help but to spill everything else, about how he was bleeding on the inside, how he was going to die in a year, how he was put out of a job, and how his friend directed him here to vent. He kept a few details quiet though, like how his super strength was the cause of his disease or the fact that he even had herculean strength. Shizuo just felt that if Nakura-san found out about his strength, he would be able to piece together who he really was and then they wouldn't speak anymore. It was just too bad they had to meet under circumstances like these. Shizuo was bad at the instant messaging so they swapped to communicating via emails. Shizuo would never admit it, but he kept every single email Nakura had sent him.

_Oto-chan,  
>Hang in there. Just remember, though pain may be inevitable, suffering is optional.<br>Nakura_

Honestly, it was these little notes that made Shizuo's life just a little better every day. Nakura's wise quotes and words of encouragement made this disease just a little more bearable, and Shizuo thought that if anything good had come from getting a death sentence, it would be befriending Nakura.

* * *

><p>Izaya liked to make a hobby of browsing random forums every now and then when Tanaka Taro, Setton, and Saika can't keep him amused for long. He has random screen names here and there and logs in to see if there's anybody interesting he can manipulate, break down and destroy.<p>

It was when he was on one of those 'making cheery friends' kind of forums that he noticed a new user, Otonashi, attempting and failing at talking to anyone. It was painfully obvious that Otonashi is new to online chatting by the way his messages were awkwardly typed, but the others online have already branded him as a "40 year old ax-wielding pedo murderer." Izaya thought it was hilarious and then made Otonashi his next victim.

When prompted for a private conversation, Otonashi comes across as a little rude. Izaya can't help but to be somewhat reminded of Shizuo by Otonashi's clipped sentences and blunt remarks, but the informant knew better; Shizuo doesn't know how to work a computer, let alone online chatting. As Nakura-san, he pried into Otonashi's life, trying to get him to open up by acting all kind, interested, and consoling until Oto-chan gave in.

**Otonashi**  
><em>I was told I'm going to die. Apparently I have some deadly disease.<em>

**Nakura **  
><em>I'm sorry. I didn't realize it was that severe.<em>

**Otonashi**  
><em>That's okay. I didn't either.<em>

**Nakura **  
><em>How long do you have then?<em>

**Otonashi**  
><em>My doctor said a year at the most.<em>

**Nakura **  
><em>Can I ask what's wrong with you?<em>

**Otonashi**  
><em>Well, I don't really understand it, but I'm bleeding on the inside, falling apart.<em>

**Nakura **  
><em>Isn't there some kind of cure for that? Like a surgery?<em>

**Otonashi**  
><em>Probably, but it doesn't matter.<em>

**Nakura **  
><em>Financial problems?<em>

**Otonashi **  
><em>No, I'm too far gone.<em>

Izaya couldn't help but to wonder if Oto-chan is just seeking attention and pity, but the way he spoke was as if he had already resigned himself to his fate and just wanted somebody to listen. Either way, Izaya wondered if he could goad this person into committing suicide so he showered Oto-chan with sarcastic comments, subtle insults, and opinions of the cruel reality of a harsh world. However, Oto-chan must have been a real idiot, since he never picked up on Izaya's hostile tone. Izaya even has to switch to using emails instead of the instant messenger since Oto-chan was technologically-challanged, or whatnot, but she still continued to try and break down this person.

One day, when Otonashi had written him an email thanking him for being a good friend in dark times, and that he was feeling better just by talking to him, Izaya feels a twinge of guilt go through him, especially when Otonashi added that he was glad that he was so he could make a friend like Nakura-san. He knew that this would be the moment to crush Otonashi, destroy him, cast him aside, and show him the truth of human nature, but the words were so sincere that Izaya found that he couldn't bring himself to do it. Instead he told him to hang in there and added a quote about pain and suffering.

Without thinking, Izaya sends another email.

_Hey, Oto-chan, what would you think about meeting up? IRL?_

The reply comes in less than a minute.

_I'm sorry, Nakura-san, I don't think that would be a good idea._

The rejection hurts him more than it should have. _  
><em>


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: I don't own DRRR!**

**Suggested Song: Don't Wear Me Out by Oceanship**

* * *

><p>Izaya doesn't handle rejection very well and what bothers him the most is that Otonashi is pretending that it never happened. It feels like being in a relationship where one has said "I love you," too soon and the feelings aren't reciprocated. He hates it. He hates it so much that he resorts to using his <em>skills<em> to find out who this Otonashi is and why he has the nerve to reject him. But Otonashi is too reserved and secretive and is always sure not to say too much. The only thing Izaya's pieced together is that Otonashi lives in Ikebukuro and he wonders if it's worth the risk to brave the streets of the district and fight off a brute just to meet this person. His prying doesn't go unnoticed and Izaya's surprised by how receptive Oto-chan can really be.

_Nakura-san, you're mad at me, aren't you? Is it because I didn't want to meet you? You have to understand my reasons._

Of course, Izaya understands his reasons; he understands all humans, after all. Otonashi is sick and dying and meeting new people would be painful. Izaya sees this situation in almost every Asian drama and he considers his own reasons for wanting to meet.

_Oto-chan, what about MY reasons?_

_'Nakura-san, now you're just being difficult,' _is the reply he gets later that day.

He's annoyed because he actually _doesn't _want to manipulate Otonashi and he's getting turned down rather rudely. If he had just been trolling, he would have moved on by now and he hates himself for somehow getting too interested and too attached. It's a week later, after Izaya's constant pestering that Otonashi finally gives in.

_Nakura-san, I'll be at West Gate Park tomorrow at noon._

Izaya understood what he meant right away. He'd be there but he wasn't willing to meet him up front. It'd be a game and Izaya would have to see if he could put his skills to use and figure out who his anonymous pen pal was.

_I'll find you tomorrow, Oto-chan._

The following day, Izaya came to West Gate Park an hour early, taking note of everyone using their cell phones or laptops. There was a small boy by himself, texting on his cell phone, but he was too lively to be his Otonashi. There was another teenager by the fountains, on his laptop and wearing headphones, but there wasn't anything remotely sickly about him.

And then he saw Shizuo arrive at the park. The blond was alone and sat down at one of the empty benches to eat his bento lunch. Izaya noted that something seemed rather off about the monster. For starters, he wasn't wearing that terrible bartender outfit, and instead was a _Tokyo Yakult Swallows _baseball sweatshirt and jeans. It was a really odd sight for Izaya and he decided to put off meeting Otonashi to taunt his rival.

"Shizu-chan, where's your bartender clothes?" Izaya asked, plopping down onto the bench next to him.

"Go away," Shizuo responded dryly as he continued to eat. He didn't even bother looking up at the flea.

"Didn't know you liked baseball," Izaya pointed out as he poked at the sweatshirt.

"Go away," Shizuo said again. "I'm not in the mood."

"What are you doing here anyways?" Izaya asked rudely. "Shouldn't you be working for your senpai?" Izaya barely escaped the wrath of a bento box getting shoved in his face and he laughed as Shizuo got up and took hold of the bench to throw at him. "You're angered too easily, Shizu-chan," Izaya grinned cheekily.

"Damn flea!" Shizuo roared, throwing the bench at Izaya and missing. As in, he was really off. Izaya had to frown at this since Shizuo usually had some semblance of accuracy, but maybe he was so blinded by his rage that he wasn't bothering to aim? "Didn't I tell you to stay out of Ikebukuro?" he roared.

"When have I ever listened to you?" Izaya taunted, making a run for it. Shizuo growled and chased after him, stopping after a while and clutching at his chest. "What? Are you out of shape or something?" Izaya asked insensitively.

"Fucking flea," Shizuo muttered, still clutching at his chest and breathing heavily.

Shizuo shoots Izaya a nasty glare and chooses to retreat, leaving the informant very much confused. Izaya tried to yell off some more insults, anything to make the monster mad and turn around, but the blond seemed to be dead set on leaving without anymore fight. Izaya made note of this and planned to return later in the week to see if Shizuo was back to normal. With some time to spare, the informant returned to West Gate Park, wondering if Otonashi was still there.

When he passed the place Shizuo had been eating lunch, something sparkly caught his eye. Looking around to make sure no one was watching, Izaya bent down to pick up and realized it was a sparkly blue Hello Kitty pill case. He opened it to see it filled with white, red and yellow pills and wondered if it had been Shizuo's.

"Shizuo's into drugs?" Izaya wondered, deciding that becoming a druggie might explain the disheveled look. He pocketed the pill case, deciding to give them to Namie to examine. He then thought of Shizuo and how he looked oddly wrong. And it wasn't just the attire. It was like Shizuo had given up on life or something.

Hating the feeling in his gut, Izaya turned back to follow Shizuo. He sighted the monster coming out of a convenience store, probably buying a replacement lunch, and praying that he was wrong, he emailed Otonashi.

_Hey, Oto-chan, you still at West Gate Park?_

He can't help but to cringe when he sees Shizuo pause and fumble for his cell phone. He watched from around the corner as Shizuo typed something and then closed the phone. Izaya's own phone vibrates with a new message a second later.

_Sorry, Nakura-san, I had to leave. Something came up. Sorry._

This couldn't be happening.

* * *

><p>"Eh? Who's Nakura-san?" Shinra asked curiously (and nosily) as Shizuo's phone received a message from the aforementioned person while Shinra was doing a daily check up.<p>

"Nobody," Shizuo answered defensively.

"Don't be like that, Shizuo-kun," the doctor replied. "Tell me, please."

"Some guy I met online," the blond muttered, cheeks flushing as if it was shameful to admit.

"Shizuo-kun has a crush!" Shinra teased as he checked blood pressure. "Do tell!"

"Do not," Shizuo retorted dryly. "He's just someone I can talk to. Celty suggested it, you know."

"Sure," he replied sarcastically and then frowned at the blood pressure results. "It's a bit high..." Shinra said before the blond could ask what was wrong. "This might be a problem..."

"How so?"

"Well... you're already breaking apart. Hypertension's going to speed that up," the doctor explained, keeping the terms simple. "You might have less than a year now. But don't worry! I'm sure I can write you a prescription to lower it! And there are other ways to keep it in check!"

"I'm not stupid. One way to keep blood pressure low is to be physically active, but because of my other 'condition' I can't really do that, now can I?" Shizuo said bitterly as they were faced with a new dilemma.

"We already have you quitting smoking so that'll help," Shinra said, trying to be optimistic. "Don't drink alcohol, don't eat so much salt and maybe tone it down on the sweets. I'll get Celty to make you a healthy lunch, okay? She's an excellent chef!" He trailed off and giggled to himself when Shizuo's phone went off again with another message. "Nakura-san?"

"None of your business," Shizuo replied, snatching up his phone before Shinra could even think about stealing it.

"What's he saying?" Shinra asked, being nosy and all.

"Nothing important. He just really wants to meet up," Shizuo sighed, giving in. "Not gonna happen, though."

"EH? Why not?" Shinra demanded, apparently a sucker for dramas.

Shizuo shrugged in response. "What does it matter? I'm just going to die anyways. It's better for him, I think. That way he doesn't know."

Shinra shook his head disapprovingly. "Shizuo-kun, you should do everything that you can't just because you're dying. Haven't you ever heard of living your life to its fullest?"

The blond nodded grudgingly; he always hated whenever Shinra was right. "So what should I say then?"

"Since you're so shy, just tell him where you'll be," Shinra said, eagerly watching Shizuo email Nakura-san. Shizuo decided on West Gate Park at noon. The place was usually crowded and he figured he might be able to pick out Nakura-san from the crowd. The following day of the appointed meeting, Shizuo went half an hour early to the park with Celty's homemade lunch in hand. Awkwardly, he had taken one of the seats on a bench and ate his lunch in silence, taking note of anyone who came into the park furiously typing away at a cell phone.

His day, however, was ruined by the appearance of the stupid flea. Shizuo tried to not let Izaya get to him, especially knowing that he wasn't supposed to use his strength anymore but the flea was so damn persistent that the next thing Shizuo knew, he had torn the bench out and his back was aching painfully after throwing it. Remembering his high blood pressure and Shinra's words, Shizuo swallowed his pride and retreated. He mentally apologized to Nakura-san and wondered if his anonymous friend had witnessed his fight with the informant.

Still hungry, Shizuo stopped by a convenience store to pick up a quick lunch when Nakura emailed him, asking if he was still around. Sadly, Shizuo apologized and left the convenience store with a few rice balls and bottle of milk. He reached into his breast pocket for his pill case and froze when they were gone. Perfect. He must have lost them in the struggle with Izaya.

Giving up, Shizuo returned home where upon Kasuka began fussing over him and checking him over for new bruises. Kasuka was sweet, but Shizuo felt too guilty making his brother take care of him and use his actor's salary. Shizuo had even considered moving back with their parents who lived in the countryside, but Kasuka stubbornly refused, insisting that the best doctor lived in Ikebukuro and moving would be too much of a stress.

"Kasuka, you can't keep taking care of me like this. As your older brother, I should be taking care of you," Shizuo protested. "Really, you don't need to stay."

"You got into a fight today," Kasuka said, changing the subject as he noticed a new set of bruises along Shizuo's arms and back. "It was with Orihara-san, wasn't it?" The actor actually looked angry when Shizuo nodded sheepishly. "Brother, why would you do that? Especially when Kishitani-san told you that you'd die if you keep using your strength!" Glaring at his brother, Kasuka sighed and gave in, knowing that Shizuo's rivalry with Izaya always came first. "Did you at least take your medicine?"

"I kind of lost the pill case," Shizuo said quietly, almost fearing his brother's wrath.

"It's like you don't want to get better," Kasuka said harshly, quiet and hurt.

"Kasuka, I'm too far gone," Shizuo said. "Nothing I do can change my death sentence."

"That doesn't mean you should give up," the actor protested.

Shizuo shrugged, wistfully answering, "I'm not giving up; I'm just finally accepting reality."


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: I don't own DRRR!**

**Ah, I'm so glad AP testing is finally over. All the cramming and all-nighters and Asian coffees before testing was going to be the death of me...**  
><strong>But now my class is playing Mafia so I've been super paranoid and hiding out in the house... K, enough rambling. OTL. Oh, and thanks to everybody who's been reviewing~ I think review reply is down or something so I can't thank you all personally. :(<strong>

**Suggested Song: One by One by The Calling**

* * *

><p>"Namie, look at these for me, will you?" Izaya ordered as he tossed the Hello Kitty pill case to his secretary.<p>

She caught it offhandedly and without even bothering to look at it answered, "Where'd you get this?"

"Found it when I was getting abused by Shizu-chan. Just tell me what he's doing with them, would you?" he replied.

Glaring at him, she popped the case open and dumped out its contents onto her desk, sorting them into three groups by their color. "This is Vicodin; it's a pain killer," she said as she pushed the group of white pills towards him. "This looks like something for blood regulation," she said, separating out the red gel capsule. "And the last one is a daily vitamin... I think. It has a smiley face on it." Her confused look broke into a frown. "You _sure_these belong to Heiwajima-san?"

"Positive," Izaya answered, half-confident and then he risked the next question, "Why?"

"These pills are medication for someone who is really ill," she explains. "As in fatally ill."

"Shizu-chan's going to die?" Izaya clarified.

"I'm surprised he already isn't," Namie replied, sweeping all the pills back into the case in one fluid motion. "You should probably return them," she added, knowing it wasn't her place to say. Izaya plucked the pill case from her hands, grabbed his coat off the back of his couch and made to leave his office. "Where are you going now?" Namie called out after him.

"To speak with Shizu-chan's doctor," Izaya answered without stopping.

"You already know who it is?" she asked, thinking his relationship with Shizuo was not anywhere near normal if he knew which physician saw to Shizuo's problems.

"There's only one doctor who can get his hands on a smiley face vitamin and actually _make _Shizuo eat it," he answered cryptically, as he prepared to pay the Underground Doctor a visit.

Izaya made his visit late one night with every intention of meeting the headless rider as well. "Shinra," the informant called out as he knocked quickly on the doctor's door.

The Underground Doctor answered the door sleepily and Izaya could see Celty on the couch watching TV behind him. "Izaya?" Shinra asked. "What are you doing here so late?"

"I'm just returning something that was lost," he answered, finding delight in the way Celty perked up, thinking it was her head. He tossed Shizuo's pill case to the doctor and waited for his desired reaction.

"What's this?" Shinra asked, trying to feign confusion.

"Don't play dumb, Shinra," Izaya replied, leaning against the door frame. "It's yours, isn't it? Or rather, _you_prescribed them."

"Izaya, where did you find these anyways?" Shinra said, avoiding the question. "You should probably return these to whom you stole them from."

"Ah, I don't have the time," the informant answered. "You can do it, can't you? They belong to Shizu-chan." He reveled in the way Shinra seemed to tense and go pale while Celty jumped up from her seat on the couch to hurry to Shinra's side.

_'You should leave.' _Celty typed as she shoved the phone into Izaya's face.

"So it's true then? These belong to Shizu-chan?" Izaya asked, plucking the pill case from Shinra's hands. Celty and Shinra had not been expecting the shocked and _hurt? _look on his face when it was confirmed that the pills were Shizuo's. "So it's true then..." he said quietly, "He's really going to die? What's wrong with him?"

"I shouldn't discuss this with you," Shinra said, trying to get rid of the informant.

"Please," Izaya pleaded. "Just tell me, how much longer does he have?"

"It was one year at first," Shinra said, seeing Izaya's eyes widen in reaction to the last part of the sentence. "He's deteriorating faster than I thought. I estimate about nine to ten months."

Looking at the pill case, Izaya stuck out his hand, asking, _begging_, for them. "Please."

"Izaya, don't," Shinra pleaded, knowing that the informant could destroy Shizuo in his current condition. "Just leave Shizuo-kun alone."

"Please, I want to," Izaya pleaded. "I didn't know it was this bad. I just want to..."

"Want to what?" Shinra asked accusingly. "Leave Shizuo-kun alone. His life is already ruined. Just leave him be in peace."

"I wasn't going to ruin his life if that's what you're implying," the informant answered, hurt. "I don't know what I want to do, but believe me, Shinra, please, the last thing I want to do right now is to hurt him."

Shinra bit his lip, still hesitant to hand over the pill case. To both men's surprises, it was Celty who had plucked the case out of Shinra's hands and offered it Izaya. _'Don't you dare hurt him,' _she typed, shoving the PDA into his face.

"Thank you, Celty," Izaya answered gratefully as he carefully accepted the case, making sure no harm came to it. He bowed his head down to her in apology and thanks before turning away to find Shizuo.

Even so, he had no idea how to approach the beast—no, human—with an issue like this. He supposed he could have just handed it over as a peace offering and apologize a hundred times over and over, but knowing Shizuo, the blond would reject him and send him away with a vending machine. The last thing he needed was to speed up Shizuo's death.

Izaya stalked Shizuo for the following week, looking for the opportune moment to return the pill case. He was still in disbelief that his former-classmate and enemy could be dying, though Shizuo did look relatively miserable at times and his sports sweatshirts were just as horrible as the bartender outfits, if not worse. Izaya really wished that Shizuo would be normal self again wearing the signature bartender outfit and glasses.

He still spoke to Otonashi as Nakura and tried to be supportive. It was always so strange for him whenever Otonashi poured out his heart and soul, making confessions that were so unlike Shizuo. It took every fiber of Izaya's entire being to not confess everything over email.

At the end of the week, Izaya finally gained the balls to confront the blond outside a produce market. "What do you want, flea?" Shizuo growled when he sighted him. He balanced a paper bag filled with crisp red apples in one arm, as he gripped his half-eaten apple in his other hand tightly. Any tighter and Izaya was sure that the fruit would burst.

"I had to return something. Shinra's orders," Izaya answered, retrieving the Hello Kitty case and holding it out for Shizuo to take back. He hesitantly took a step forward towards him.

Shizuo's eyebrow twitched at the familiarity of it. "Where did you get that?" he asked, voice low and oddly calm. His grip on the apple was tightening and Izaya could see the veins bulging out on his hand.

"You dropped it the other day... Shinra and Celty said to return it," Izaya said and very carefully placed the pill case on top of the apples in Shizuo's paper bag. "A word of advice, Oto-chan, you should probably keep track of something that important."

Izaya flinched when the apple exploded into pieces in Shizuo's palm and he went pale at the realization that he had just slipped. "What did you call me?" he demanded, seething with rage. Izaya went pale at the realization that he had just slipped.

"I'm online a lot. Saw you online once or twice..." Izaya replied, trying to talk his way out of it.

"Bullshit!" Shizuo roared, grabbing an apple from his grocery bag and pitching it at Izaya's head like a baseball. "You're Nakura? You've been fucking with me this entire time?"

"No, no, I didn't know it was you this whole time!" Izaya protested, trying to calm him down. "Please believe me, Shizu-chan."

"Bullshit," Shizuo spat, "You can never get enough, can you, Izaya? You always have to screw and manipulate me in some way, don't you? You just get off on that, don't you?" He pitched an apple at Izaya for every accusation to emphasize his anger. "I'm dying, Izaya. My dying wish to you is to leave me alone. Get out of my life."

"Shizu-chan, I swear, I'm not here to screw with you or manipulate you or get you hurt," Izaya said sincerely. "I swear, as Nakura-san. I'm here to support you."

Regarding him suspiciously, Shizuo's eyebrows furrowed as he demanded, "Why?"

"I don't know. I just can't let you die on me yet," the informant answered, fishing for excuses.

"Bullshit," Shizuo said again as he turned away. "You're just being selfish your plaything is leaving you behind. I don't want to see you in Ikebukuro ever again." Shizuo returned home to a distraught Kasuka and Celty with an empty bag that formerly contained apples.

_'What happened to all the apples?' _Celty texted, looking into the bag with surprise. She was always such a sweetheart, coming over to cook for Shizuo and give Kasuka a break. They had plans to make an apple pie and Shizuo volunteered to go buy some, not wanting to be stuck in the house any longer.

"I threw them all at Izaya," Shizuo answered bluntly.

Kasuka fished the Hello Kitty pill case out of the empty bag and looked at his brother questioningly. "Izaya-san had your medication this whole time?"

Shizuo shrugged in response. "Bastard stole it from me the other day. Tried to drag Shinra into it and all. He knows I'm sick now. He's probably plotting my death as we speak."

_'Are you sure about that?' _Celty asked, trying to defend Izaya. She knew it wasn't her place to tell Shizuo about the visit, but she had a feeling that Izaya's intentions really were honest and pure.

"Positive. The stupid bastard even masqueraded as Nakura-san. I told him everything. I gave him the knife and he used it stab me in the heart. Repeatedly," Shizuo said, refusing to believe that Izaya was anything relative to honest. Conniving, deceitful and sadistic, on the other hand... "Whatever, I'm going to sleep," he said, putting an end to the discussion. "Sorry about the apples. I'll try again tomorrow."

"Feel better a little later," Kasuka murmured as Shizuo ducked into his bedroom.

Thanks to Izaya unintentionally crushing him so brutally, Shizuo stayed in bed all day, depressed. Celty came and cooked a healthy and traditional lunch of congee and fried dough and tidied up a bit as Kasuka tried to coax his brother to eat. Shizuo was deteriorating faster than ever because of his gloomy mood.

As for Izaya, he supposed he could have handled the situation better, but what's done was done. Of course Shizuo overreacted. He had tried sending emails to him, pleading and begging for forgiveness but he always received the exact same reply:

"凸(｀□´)"

Sure, it was blunt and rather artful, but Izaya still persisted, knowing that each angry and provocative kaomoji face sent back meant that it was another day that Shizuo was still alive. Now, if he could only prove that he really had good intentions and somehow use it to make sure that Shizuo didn't die any time soon...

And Izaya began plotting for the better.


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: I don't own DRRR!**

**Suggested Song: Transatlanticism by Death Cab for Cutie**

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><p>Something was wrong.<p>

Shizuo hated that feeling of dread as he tried to study Kasuka's handsome features to pinpoint the cause of his distress and find out what had gone awry. Realizing that Shizuo was staring him down intensely, Kasuka turned away and continued to study the medical bills.

"How bad is it?" Shizuo finally asked, unable to bear the silence any longer. Grimacing, Kasuka handed over the bills to Shizuo who eagerly snatched it up and quickly scanned it for a cost. "This has to be a mistake, right...?" Shizuo questioned as his own expression changed to match Kasuka's.

"No, it's correct," his brother responded, taking back the stark sheet of paper to read over again. "Who would have paid off your medical bills?"

Shizuo pondered the thought for a moment and shook his head. "I have no idea, Kasuka."

"Well, we'll have to return it," his brother said firmly, refusing to let somebody else take care of his brother.

"Kasuka! Are you sure?" Shizuo protested, seeing the hefty sum of all his medical fees. Surely Kasuka couldn't afford to take it all out of his limited actor's salary.

"I can take care of you myself," Kasuka said stubbornly as he made a note to call Shinra and correct the payment. "I'm not going to be in debt of somebody else because they paid for something that I'm more than capable of paying."

Seeing his brother's point, Shizuo grudgingly nodded in agreement. "Thanks, Kasuka. I promise I'll pay you back when I'm well again."

"You don't owe me anything," his brother answered, looking offended. "Shizuo, you're my brother. There's nothing I wouldn't do for you. Please understand that and stop believing that you're a burden."

"Thanks, Kasuka..." Shizuo said quietly, forcing a smile to assure his brother that he was doing well.

"How was your last check up with Kishitani-san?" his brother prodded.

"It was good," Shizuo lied. Though he shared everything with his brother, Shizuo couldn't bring himself to confess how quickly he was deteriorating and how his lifespan was shortening rapidly.

Kasuka eyed him critically, seeing right through him, but sighed in relief. "That's good to hear," he said, playing along. He wouldn't goad him for answers until Shizuo was ready to admit to him his health situation. "How have you been feeling? What has Kishitani-san been telling you to do?" he added, calmly accessing his brother's condition.

"You know, the usual," Shizuo shrugged. "Don't smoke, take it easy, eat healthy. Kasuka, you needn't worry. I'm listening to doctor's orders. And I feel better. Much."

Kasuka nodded, accepting Shizuo's answered and looked at him worriedly. "Will you be okay if I visit Kishitani-san and pay the bill correctly?" Seeing Shizuo's sheepish expression, he added, "I'm _positive _that I want to pay it and my salary is more than enough to support us both." With a nod, Shizuo let his little brother leave, and closed the door behind him.

When Kasuka arrived at Shinra's apartment in the late evening, the doctor looked rather surprised to see him. Furthermore, when the actor inquired about the payment, it piqued Celty's interest into the matter. "It was in our P.O. box," Shinra hastily explained, handing Kasuka the envelope that had previously contained a decent sum of cash. "There was a note that it was for Shizuo's medical bills so I assumed it was from you."

Kasuka took the stark envelope, and read the typed note inside it, scowling at the first couple of lines before finally tearing the offensive thing into two. "I'm not accepting the payment," he said flatly.

"Oh?" Shinra said, looking somewhat worried. "I've already deposited it, and there's no return address. Are you sure it's not from another family member?"

"Brother doesn't want to make a public scene of his illness," Kasuka answered, watching with a somewhat satisfied grimace as he deposited the note into the trashcan. "He's not a charity case, and I can take care of him just fine. You can do whatever you want with the money, but you can't use it to pay off Shizuo's medical bills."

"Alright, Kasuka-kun, I'll fix it as soon as I can," Shinra answered, bowing his head to assure his promise.

"Thank you, Kishitani-san. I'll personally bring by a check later this week to cover the costs," Kasuka replied, bowing his head back as he left and returned home to Shizuo.

Shinra sighed, wondering if the Heiwajima's were going through financial difficulty. Kasuka was moody and testy and clearly was offended by whoever tried to pay off the bills. His attention was pulled to Celty who was rapidly clicking away at the keypad on her phone, texting someone no doubt. When she noticed Shinra was watching her candidly, Celty shoved her phone away defensively—as if to hide the blush that would appear on her face if she had one—and hurried past him for the helplessly discarded note in the trash can.

_'I have a meeting with somebody,'_she typed, letting Shinra read the words before zipping up her suit and grabbing her signature helmet. Before he could even answer, she was out the door, leaving him confused and rather lonely.

"Why is the Black Motorbike calling me out so late?" Izaya drawled when Celty arrived at the meeting spot, late at night, at West Gate Park. She parked her precious bike and handed the informant the two pieces of the note that came with a rather large sum of money. "What is this?" Izaya asked, pretending not to know what it was.

_'Don't be stupid. I know this is your doing, Izaya,'_ Celty quickly typed. _'You can try and lie, but I know that it was you.'_

"Have you always been this perceptive?" Izaya asked in an attempt to change the topic.

_'You've upset Kasuka.'_

"Did I?" the informant asked, feigning surprise. "I wasn't trying to make Shizu-chan a charity case if that's what he thinks. I suppose he's rejected the offer?" Celty nodded in response. "Well, tell him to keep it. I don't want it back."

_'Why?'_

"Why what? It's a convenient excuse for human evil and I have plenty of it already," he answered, crossing his arms. "As you can see, it's already bringing out Kasuka's nasty side, and I just _love _humans," he added cryptically.

Izaya was putting up a shield and Celty saw right through it. _'Why are you trying to help Shizuo?'_she clarified.

The informant froze, tensing up and shying farther away behind his shield. "Don't tell Shizuo," he requested as he turned to leave. "Good night, Celty."

* * *

><p>It took Shizuo a bit more effort than usual to get out of bed the following morning. He struggled out of bed, and dragged himself to the kitchen, feeling like an old man with all the aches and creaks in his bones. Kasuka was at the table, eating toast and drinking coffee, and gestured to the coffee machine where there was enough left if Shizuo himself would like some. He politely declined, heading to the fridge for his usual intake of milk and found that the plastic gallon contained seemed heavier than usual. His fingers slipped and the jug landed on his foot, before sloshing all the milk onto the kitchen tiles.<p>

"Damn it!" Shizuo cursed, bracing himself against the fridge as he scowled at his clumsy fingers. Kasuka was at his side in an instant, mopping up the floor and checking Shizuo's bruised foot that was already turning yellow. Shizuo hobbled—or rather hopped—one his good foot to the table where he sat down and inspected the damage. Everything was still intact despite the lovely bruise he had now acquired and he was sure he'd be limping for the rest of the week. He couldn't help but to scowl as wondered just how far was he gone. Had his body really corroded to the point where a mere touch could cause bruises?

Shaking his head in denial, he sheepishly apologized to Kasuka. "I guess my strength's going away," he said, patting his arm gingerly to show that he was fine and Kasuka wouldn't have to fuss over it. "I'll buy another jug on my walk."

"You sure you'd be able to carry it?" his little brother asked, trying to be realistic.

The words stung and Shizuo had to bite back a rude remark. "I was clumsy and it slipped," he said through clenched teeth. "It won't happen again. Sorry."

Once the pain in his foot faded to a dull and numbing ache, Shizuo tested it, standing up and making sure both feet were capable of supporting his weight. "I'm going out," he said simply.

"I think it'd be better if you stayed home today..." Kasuka admitted quietly. "Please, brother. Just stay home and rest."

"It's just a walk. I'm fine, I promise, Kasuka," Shizuo assured him, trying to leave the apartment as he threw a light jacket on. "Kasuka, I can't just sit at home and wait for my death. I have to do _something _while I wait, and I like walking. I won't get into any fights and I'll be home after lunch."

"Just be careful," Kasuka said, giving in and knowing there was no way he'd be able to argue with his stubborn brother.

The blond pulled up the hood on his jacket, hoping to be able to walk without being noticed by any familiar faces; Tom, Simon, Kadota and his gang, and most of all, Izaya. That stupid informant had still been emailing him all this time under the name, Nakura, and begging for his 'Oto-chan' to answer and forgive him.

Fat chance.

Shizuo was glad that he had figured Izaya out in time before he had really begun falling for Nakura-san. It seemed that he could never escape Izaya and whatever he did, the informant would always be there to twist and ruin whatever happiness he came close to. He should have known that he wouldn't have been able to die in peace.

"Shizu-chan?" a voice dragged him out of thoughts. As his luck would have it, it just had to be the stupid flea.

"I thought I told you to stay out of Ikebukuro," Shizuo growled.

"On the contrary, you're in Shinjuku..." Izaya pointed out and gave Shizuo a moment to access his surroundings. The blond's eyes widened in surprise as he realized what Izaya said was right and he wondered just how he had been walking. "Why are you limping?" the informant asked, hesitantly treading on eggshells around Shizuo.

"It's nothing," Shizuo said defensively, failing miserably as he tried to put his weight on both legs and winced.

"If you say so..." the informant answered, eyeing him critically. "Do you need a ride home to Ikebukuro?"

Shizuo frowned at the flea's kindness. "What are you planning?" he asked accusingly.

"Nothing. Just an offer," Izaya answered with a shrug, feeling the metaphoric eggshells give away. "Forget I said anything. I'm going home."

Shizuo's frown remained as he stared down Izaya's back. He could tell from the informant's body language that he was trying to hide something and then it clicked. "You were the one who paid my medical bills."

Izaya stopped mid step, and turned to face the blond. "I don't know what you're talking about."

"You sick son of a bitch!" Shizuo growled, temper starting to flare. What was supposed to be a good deed had been _completely _misinterpreted. "What did you hope to achieve with that? Did you want me to be in debt to you? So that you'd own a part of me? Forget it, bastard, I'm taking any of bit of your money!"

"Shizu-chan," Izaya said, looking offended—and was that _hurt_ in his eyes? "I have plenty of money. I know that Shinra isn't the cheapest doctor around and I thought I'd be nice to help you and Kasuka pay for the bills. Kasuka's actor salary can only take you so far before he's left in _your _debt. So you might as well take my money, if not for you, then at least for Kasuka," Izaya snapped.

It wasn't fair to have Izaya dangle such hope in front of him. Shizuo was about to snap back and tear down whatever lies Izaya was spewing, when a sudden pain hit him in the chest. Shizuo gasped, finding it incredibly hard to breathe and he clutched at the front of his shirt, keeling over as he tried to get oxygen into his lungs. The last thing he remembered before passing out was Izaya running towards him, probably to finish him off.

When Shizuo came to, he was surprised that he was actually still alive. His temple was swollen, probably from his fall, and it was dark outside. He wondered how long he had been out cold and fumbled for his cell phone to see how many missed calls from Kasuka he had—eight, by the way—and the moment he sat up, he felt nausea crawl through his system. Shakily, he stumbled from the couch he had been laying on and made a rush for the bathroom. Collapsing on the tile floor, his stomach tried to heave up the breakfast he _didn't _have.

Shizuo was left gasping and dry heaving at the edge of the toilet before he finally regained the strength to stand up. He glanced in the mirror to see a large bruise on his face as well as his bloodshot eyes, and he tried to recall what had happened. He supposed he was glad that he was still alive, but he had to figure out just exactly where he was and what bystander had been nice enough to pick up a dying man off the side of the road.

As the blond made his way back to the couch, he suddenly realized that it probably would have been better for him to be dead when he recognized just whose apartment this was. After all, he'd preferred that fate over being in Izaya's apartment any day.


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer: I don't own Durarara!**

**I'm not even going to try and make an excuse for my slow updating...  
>But you should definitely thank ryodai89 for getting me off the video games to write again.<strong>

**Suggested Song: Look After You by The Fray**

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><p>The apartment was neat and clean, meticulously organized and painstakingly perfect. There were books sorted by height in their shelves and crisp-ironed shirts in the wardrobe. Everything was in its proper place where it belonged and Shizuo felt like he couldn't breathe. Suffocating amidst the impeccable apartment, the blond carefully—for fear that he would disturb the perfection—sat back down onto the couch. The apartment was nice and all, and Izaya had some semblance of taste, but Shizuo hated it to no end. He hated the fact that it looked like it had never been <em>lived <em>in.

There was a soft jingle at the door and the knob rattled as Izaya fumbled with his keys to get back into his home. As sophisticated as Izaya was, he humbly preferred the normalcy of a lock and key over those fancy automated doors. He blinked, frozen in spot at the door, at the realization that Shizuo was conscious and currently staring him down. Normally Izaya would have waited Shizuo out, forcing the other to give in and speak first, but the informant wasn't in the mood for games. Well, not really.

"Good morning, Sunshine," Izaya said humorlessly, breaking the ice.

"What the hell?" Shizuo snapped back.

Izaya shrugged and headed past him into his kitchen where he deposited a little plastic bag onto the counter. "Oi, Shizu-chan, I didn't know how much medication you're supposed to take, so I've been feeding you crushed pills in small amounts," he called out as he went through his fridge. "Sorry you had to wake up alone; I went out to buy a bandage," he conversed, returning with an ice pack and said bandage. "For you," he clarified.

Shizuo's temper cooled down as he hesitantly accepted both items and seemed rather confused on what to do with the bandage. Realizing this, Izaya took a seat down next to Shizuo and boldly brushed his feathery blond hair back. Izaya's fingers were cool against his cheek as they slid lightly across his skin and Shizuo couldn't help but to flinch and close his eyes at the close proximity between them. Keeping his hair back, the informant applied the bandage onto Shizuo's temple, covering up the ugly bruise "What the hell do you think you're doing?" Shizuo hissed, suddenly realizing this was _so _wrong and got up from the couch to pace around the room.

"Are you that stupid? I'm taking care of you, now get back here and sit still," Izaya chided, irritated by Shizuo's stubbornness.

"What are your motives?" Shizuo demanded accusingly, refusing to be on the same couch as that wretched flea. He continued pacing around the room impatiently, but only managed three and a half rounds before remembering that his foot was still bruised and swollen. Shamefully, he braced himself against Izaya's counter on the other side of the room from the informant.

Izaya raised an eyebrow at Shizuo's rather odd behavior, but made no comment, choosing to coldly remark, "Is that all you see me as? An evil demon with ulterior motives? I have no motives. I genuinely want to help, so please trust me."

"You expect me to trust you after all the years of hell you've put me through?" Shizuo scoffed. "Trust isn't something I hand out so easily, especially in your case."

"Perhaps you could make an exception this one time?" Izaya suggested with... _hope _in his expression?

Shizuo tore his gaze away from Izaya's face. There was no doubt in his mind that Izaya was a great actor and that guilty expression on his face was nothing but fake. If Kasuka could be an actor, then so could Izaya. And speaking of Kasuka, he must have been worried sick over his brother's disappearance. "I want to talk to Kasuka," Shizuo stated.

"You completely ignored what I said," Izaya pointed out, determined to get Shizuo to trust him.

"There's nothing left to say," Shizuo replied. "I want to talk to Kasuka." Izaya's lips formed a tight line as he reached into his pocket for his phone. He threw it at Shizuo and left the room without another word.

When he was sure he was alone and Izaya was out of earshot, Shizuo began to slowly dial Kasuka's number, practically wincing when the actor angrily demanded, "Where have you been?"

"Kasuka, I need you to come pick me up," Shizuo murmured softly, desperately trying to avoid answering any questions.

"Where are you?" Kasuka replied, picking up on his brother's distant tone.

"At Izaya's apartment in Shinjuku," he answered, and waited for the scolding.

Instead, there was only silence on Kasuka's end, as if he was debating on whether or not he should ask how his brother ended up there, and then he mumbled, "I'm on my way," and hung up the phone.

"Is Kasuka-kun coming to get you now?" Izaya asked, peering in at Shizuo from the living room's entry way.

"Yeah. You worried that you'd be stuck taking care of me too long?" he asked snidely, still trying to find out the informant's true motives.

"I wouldn't have minded..." Izaya muttered quietly and handed Shizuo a little plastic bag. "It's your medication and stuff," he added, seeing the way Shizuo's eyes shifted into suspicion before accepting it. He shuffled awkwardly in place, shifting his weight from one foot to another as he tried to think of something to clear the air.

"Why are you doing this?" Shizuo asked, causing Izaya to freeze in place. "I won't let Kasuka take your money. I won't let you own a piece of me. I won't be in debt to you. I know you're stubborn and persistent, but surely you'd know a lost cause when you see one and give up."

"I don't want you to die," Izaya stated flatly, locking eyes with Shizuo.

"Don't lie to me. I'm not stupid, and I don't need to be sheltered. I'm sick of your games, and the only thing I'm asking for from you is to be honest. Why the hell are you doing this?" he demanded again. He looked so tired and exhausted and seemed as if he was about to collapse at any given moment.

"I want you to live," Izaya replied sincerely, hesitantly approaching Shizuo. "I'm not doing this to hurt you. Please believe me when I tell you this. Please, I'll do anything so you can live."

Shizuo backed away, shaking his head in disbelief. "Why should I believe you? All you ever do is lie to me and use me and hurt me..." He closed his eyes, unable to hold eye contact with the informant. "I won't be in debt to you."

"I can change," Izaya protested. "For you, for Oto-chan. You liked Nakura-san, didn't you? I can be more like Nakura-san if that's what you wish."

"There's the problem, louse. Even though Otonashi and I am the same person, you and Nakura-san are not. I was honest and vulnerable, and you took advantage of that. You aren't really Nakura-san. He's just a character you played, and you're a really good actor," Shizuo said distantly.

Izaya stood there, stunned, wondering when Shizuo had grown smarter and how he was able to read him so easily. He opened his mouth to answer back, but closed it when he was rendered speechless by Shizuo's harsh words. He wondered if being diagnosed with a terminal illness was the cause of Shizuo's 'awakening'. Izaya opened his mouth again, finally deciding on a comeback when there was a knock on the door.

"Don't call me, don't text me, don't try to find me," Shizuo said as he opened the door for Kasuka. "And if you really meant that you'd do anything, then stay out of my life." He ushered Kasuka out of Izaya's apartment, not letting his brother get a word in with the informant and closed the door behind him.

Seeing the grim expression on his brother's face, Kasuka held his tongue, quietly asking Shizuo if he'd like anything on the way home as he held the car door open for him.

"A cigarette and something sweet would be nice," Shizuo remarked, and then bitterly added, "but I suppose something healthy will just have to do."

"There's leftovers in the fridge," his brother replied, and glanced back to Izaya's apartment before getting in the car after Shizuo.

After leaving Shinjuku, Shizuo never made another comment about Orihara Izaya to Kasuka, Celty, or Shinra. When they asked, he formed a troublesome frown, and refused to answer. He never spoke of what transpired in Izaya's apartment, and gave up going online completely. Once, to Kasuka's and Celty's dismay, Shizuo threw his laptop out the window when he believed the anonymous person he was chatting with might have been Izaya in disguise—Celty was horrified; Kasuka was just glad that Shizuo didn't use sheer strength to destroy it.

When Shizuo went back to Shinra's for his biweekly checkup, the Underground Doctor said nothing and only gave him a grim look. Kasuka's heart pounded against his chest hard as Shinra excused himself from Shizuo's side to speak with Kasuka in private. "I'm sorry, Kasuka-kun, but he's getting worse."

"Why?" Kasuka demanded. "I've been taking care of him personally! I make sure he takes _all_ his medication, and that he eats healthy. I've been making sure... What have I been doing wrong? What have _you _been doing wrong?"

"It's out of our hands now," Shinra replied stiffly, trying to stay professional. "If there's anything he's been thinking about doing, it's probably time to get it all done now." The doctor paused and then hesitantly asked, "Has anything changed in Shizuo-kun's lifestyle?"

"What do you mean?" Kasuka asked, unsure if he should be offended by this question or not.

"Shizuo-kun's new symptoms seem to be equated with stress. Is there something that's been bothering him? Well, bothering him even _more_than it should be?" Shinra explained. "I heard he's been irritable lately."

"It's Orihara-san," the actor said bitterly, spitting out the informant's name like poison. "Brother was with him in Shinjuku a few weeks ago. He hasn't spoken about it since."

"Izaya-kun's always been a big part in his problems," Shinra said with a soft chuckle. Seeing Kasuka's upset expression, the doctor tried to disguise his laugh as a cough only to fail miserably. "Something happened between them?"

"He won't talk about it," Kasuka said helplessly. He glanced past the doctor to his brother who was lazily sitting on Shinra's couch with Celty watching a television program about aliens. "Should I be hiring a therapist?"

Shinra had to laugh at this suggestion and shook his head. "Wasn't the anonymous online chatting supposed to be therapeutic? I heard it ended with him catapulting your laptop out the window onto some poor passerby. Can you imagine what he'd do with a _real_therapist?"

"He reacted that way only because of Orihara-san," the actor answered coldly. "What about Celty-san?"

"I can ask her to speak with him," Shinra said with a nod. "Shizuo-kun seems to be comfortable with her anyways."

The two both stopped talking when Shizuo walked up to them with Celty at his side. "We need to talk," he said quietly to Kasuka.

_'I hope you feel better soon and hope all goes well,' _Celty texted.

"Thanks," he mumbled as Shinra escorted him and Kasuka out of the building. "See you when I see you, Celty. Bye, Shinra." The car ride back to the apartment was silent and after some limped pacing around his cluttered living room, Shizuo finally said, "I think it's time for me to go live with our parents."

"Are you sure?" Kasuka asked. Their parents had moved to the countryside after Kasuka finished high school and were living in peace. The only reason they weren't around to help take care of Shizuo was only due to Kasuka's insistence to keep them out of it and Shizuo's understatement of how bad he was deteriorating.

"I'm positive," Shizuo answered. "Maybe the country air will be good for my breathing or something. You shouldn't be stuck taking care of me anyways. Ruri-san must be awfully lonely without you."

"She can manage," Kasuka muttered, casting her aside. "Are you still bothered that I'm taking care of you? I told you it was no matter."

"Yes, and no. You shouldn't have to take time off. And Celty suggested the change of scenery," Shizuo explained halfheartedly. He was so tired, and the lively city was exhausting to no ends. "Mom and Dad want to see me too, anyways, and it's time I stop lying to them and myself. I need to leave Ikebukuro."

"To get away from Orihara-san?" Kasuka finished, sensing that something was still amiss.

Shizuo tensed at the name and with a heavy sigh, answered, "Yes. I need to get away from him, too."

"What happened between you and Orihara-san? At his apartment?" his brother hesitantly pried.

Shizuo tensed again, and closed his eyes as he tried to come up with an answer. He had been asking himself that exact same question for weeks now since the incident. It was so strange seeing Izaya acting kind, especially towards him of all people. That hopeful look on his face that day with the guilty eyes seemed so sincere and his words had been extremely desperate and heartfelt and it all left Shizuo confused and stunned. Unsure how to react, Shizuo had followed his instinct and made a move to hurt Izaya, like always. He would hurt him before Shizuo, himself, would get hurt.

After a long silence, Shizuo finally opened his eyes and answered Kasuka's question and his own. "I have no idea."

* * *

><p>After Shizuo had left, Izaya had sat down in the exact same place Shizuo had been sitting on his couch, and stared at his wall in stunned silence. Namie arrived an hour later, snapping him out of his daze, and scoffed at him becoming human. Coldly, he gave her a day-off and demanded that she get out of his face. She laughed and happily obliged, negotiating that she still get paid. Izaya, desperately wanting to wallow in his own self-pity, quickly agreed to get her to leave faster.<p>

_Otonashi,__  
><em>_I'm sorry for hurting you. After everything I've done in the past, I know it is hard to believe anything I say and do, and I understand that fully, but please take these words as the truth as to how sorry I really am. I deserve everything you did to keep me away, and I suppose in the end, all that matters is your happiness, and if that means I have to stay away from you, then I will honor your wish. All that happened was my fault and i was insensitive and blind. I am deeply and sincerely sorry. I can only hope you can forgive me and reconsider your decision._

_Nakura_

The email remained unsent and stayed in Izaya's drafts folder for the rest of the week. When Izaya looked at it again, he changed the names from Otonashi and Nakura to Shizuo and his own, respectively. His fingers hovered over the send button, wondering if Shizuo would even have the heart to read the message or would he simply delete the message as if it had never existed? Giving up, Izaya ended the application, saving the draft in the process, and wondered when he had started writing texts he would never send.

Weeks after The Incident, Izaya received a phone call from Shinra. "Izaya-kun, please leave Shizuo-kun alone," the doctor pleaded.

"I haven't seen him in weeks," Izaya duly replied. Hearing silence on Shinra's end, he urgently added, "What's wrong with Shizu-chan?"

"It's not my place to say. Patient-Doctor confidentiality," Shinra replied with a grim tone and Izaya knew Shizuo wasn't doing so well.

"That bad, huh?" Izaya answered, "At least tell me this, when did he come by and see you? Please."

Shinra paused, and then sighed. "Last week. He came by for his checkup last week."

"Thank you," the informant answered and hung up. At that moment, he didn't care about Shizuo's request anymore. He quickly scrolled through his drafts for that unsent letter and clicked send without a second thought. However, Shizuo's angered face came into mind when he pressed the _send _button, and the thing about texts was that once you sent it, you could never get it back. And then came the brutal time of waiting as he Izaya dreaded whatever answer Shizuo would have sent back. And just when he was about to vow to never text again, his phone beeped, and with his heart pounding, Izaya opened it:

_The number you have dialed has been disconnected or is no longer in service._

He could feel his heart fall to his stomach.

Determined to see Shizuo at least once more, Izaya sought him out in Ikebukuro, catching the first train out and practically sprinting to the apartment. He ran up the stairs in the dingy building, looking for Shizuo's room number and frowned when he saw that the front door was wide open.

Kasuka was in the middle of what was left of Shizuo's living room, packing a cardboard box. Sensing that he was not alone, he glanced at Izaya in the doorway with cold eyes. "Orihara-san," he murmured, acknowledging the informants' existence.

"Kasuka-san," Izaya answered, looking around the room in confusion. The entire apartment had been completely cleared out, and the actor nudged past him with the last of Shizuo's belongings. The disconnected phone and packed apartment...? Izaya froze as he put two and two together and immediately jumped to the worst possible scenario. "Shizu-chan, did he...?"

Kasuka paused, before going down the stairwell and answered, "He's gone".

"Gone?" Izaya echoed, silently begging for the actor to elaborate.

"He's gone," he answered stubbornly, refusing to dive into the details.

Feeling his legs give out, Izaya slowly slid down to the floor of Shizuo's apartment and closed his eyes. Shizuo was really gone.

Seventeen hours away in the countryside of Hokkaido, a tired Shizuo slid to the floor and closed his eyes. He had no plans to return to Ikebukuro ever again.


	7. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer: I do not own Durarara!**

**Suggested Song: Echo by Jason Walker**

* * *

><p>The monster had been slain. The people should have been rejoicing, but Izaya couldn't find a place in his heart to show any positive emotion for what had happened to Shizuo. The clocks kept ticking and the days turned to nights. Ikebukuro had moved on, but Izaya found himself stuck in the past. Kasuka had already left the city, moving on to film his next movie, and with him went the last Heiwajima in the city.<p>

What was left of Shizuo's apartment remained unsold and Izaya had seriously considered diving into his personal funds to purchase the apartment and restore it to its sad former glory. However, much to his dismay, a college student purchased the apartment while he was still debating. Izaya had every intention of bribing the boy to leave and hand over the apartment, but after seeing his chocolate-colored eyes, he was suddenly reminded of Shizuo and had to excuse himself to leave.

At first, Izaya was unable to leave Shinjuku. It hurt too much to go to Ikebukuro since everything reminded him of Shizuo. Every lamp post, street sign, and trash must have been thrown at him at least once. After avoiding Ikebukuro, Izaya made a mistake of taking a shortcut home and realized that he was in the same intersection where Shizuo had fainted and he, out of the kindness of his heart, took him back to his apartment to nurse him back to health. He even had a silly dream that after coming to, Shizuo would realize he really wasn't such a bad person, and they'd be able to be friends.

After remembering Shizuo's cold rejection and adamant insistence that they would _never_be friends, Izaya found himself in a state of self-hate and couldn't bring himself to leave his apartment. He curled up on his couch, the last place he remembered Shizuo to be, and tried to remember the blond. He had wanted Shizuo gone, yes, but not like this.

Most certainly not like this.

Shizuo, who had been the strongest man in Ikebukuro, shouldn't have gone out in such a cowardly way. If Izaya had been himself, he would have laughed at the irony that Shizuo's strength was his own undoing, but the informant couldn't bring himself to imagine what he would be like if he hadn't spoken to Otonashi online. Would he have been rejoicing like the rest of the people? Would he have celebrated the death of the monster and the new found safety of his city?

He sent Namie, Kida, and Saki away so he could remain alone and isolated in his apartment. Izaya really should have known better than to act like one of the pathetic humans he loved so much. Never in a million years would he have ever saw himself in a state of grief and mourning, yet here he was, a hermit in his dark apartment, huddled on the couch, and still in denial over what had happened.

Though Shinra was glad that he hadn't heard from the informant in a month and a half, Celty insisted that something must have been wrong and asked him to check on Izaya. Unable to refuse her, he found himself using a spare key to get into Izaya's apartment without permission. "Izaya-kun, this isn't healthy," Shinra murmured as he looked around in the mussed apartment and frowned. The once-immaculate apartment was a pig sty, where chaos and havoc reigned. The books had been yanked off the shelves and carelessly discarded at the foot of the bookcase and Izaya's wardrobe was void of any shirts, for they were all still in the laundry hamper. Shinra felt like he couldn't breathe as he suffocated in the filthy apartment. If anything, at least it looked like it had been _lived _in.

He glanced over to the depressed informant sprawled out lazily on the couch and had to do a double take when he realized Izaya actually wearing a color besides black. "What is wrong with you?"

"Shizu-chan's gone," Izaya murmured with dead eyes as he looked at Shinra. "Why aren't you sad?"

"I am sad, but I know he's in a better place," Shinra replied with a frown. He had no idea that Izaya was under the impression that Shizuo was dead, and Izaya had no idea that Shinra knew that Shizuo had moved to the countryside.

"Where's Celty? I want to talk to her," Izaya said in a near-whine.

"She's gone to see Shizuo-kun. I don't know when she'll be back," the doctor replied and with a grimace, began to clean up the apartment that seemed to have fallen from grace. "She'll be back sometime this week."

"She's gone to visit Shizu-chan? I wish I could bring myself to go visit him..." the informant said sadly, thinking that she had gone to see his grave or visit him in Valhalla. "And you don't need to bother with cleaning. I'll just make Namie do it when she returns," he said lazily with a wave of his hand.

Shinra frowned, not exactly pleased with Izaya's new lifestyle. "It's not like you to get so worked up about something. Why are you taking Shizuo's leaving so hard? Are you really that selfish that you'd want to keep him around?"

"Of course not!" Izaya answered, offended by Shinra's words. "Of course I wish better for him. I wish he was never sick to begin with." He was suddenly reminded of Otonashi's sincere happiness of getting sick just to be able to meet Nakura. He wondered if Shizuo still felt that way. "I just wish I could have said good-bye to him before..."

"So why don't you?" Shinra asked, obliviously confused. "Just write an email."

"His phone service has been cancelled. I found that out the hard way," Izaya said bitterly, reminded of the email he had poured his heart out in only to be viciously rejected by an automated message.

"So why don't you see him yourself?" the doctor pointed out, annoyed by Izaya's uselessness.

"You want me to visit his grave?" the informant snapped as if that was the most absurd idea he had ever heard of. "I don't think Kasuka-kun would appreciate that."

"Grave?" Shinra repeated, suddenly realizing that he and Izaya were not on the same page. He made a swift comeback from his confusion with a chuckle. "Cemeteries not your scene? I don't blame you. Even I haven't gone out there yet." He should have felt guilty for lying to Izaya, but after considering all the hell that Shizuo had been put through, the doctor was able to shamelessly lie through his teeth. "Izaya-kun, get better soon. I don't want to be taking care of you when you do something stupid."

Izaya laughed. "As cold as always, I see."

* * *

><p>Finally venturing out three days after Shinra's visit, Izaya hesitantly stepped outside of his apartment complex and took the train out to Ikebukuro. He knew he needed to stop lingering on the past and move on already. Shizuo was dead and there was nothing he could do to change that. The only thing he could do now was to move on and start piecing his life back together again. To start, he would have to return to Ikebukuro and start gathering information again, for Shiki and all his clients. Especially for Shiki.<p>

He let Namie, Kida, and Saki back into his life, but he kept a good swath of distance between them as he still had no desire of sharing what had happened or what was going on with him internally. They wouldn't have understood the turmoil he was going through. Nobody would.

"Eat sushi. Good for you," Simon called out to Izaya, waving him down with a flyer and interrupting him out of his thoughts. "You finally come back to Ikebukuro! Where you been?"

"No thanks," Izaya muttered, not accepting the flyer and refusing to answer Simon's questions.

"Ootoro is especially good today," the Russian persistently added. "Fresh! Good quality!"

"I'm good, Simon," the informant answered irritably. "Not in the mood for sushi."

"Sushi good for you," Simon laughed. "Helps take your mind off Shizuo."

Izaya tensed and glared at him. "What could you possibly know about Shizu-chan?"

"Come back tomorrow," he replied in a jolly manner, completely avoiding Izaya's question.

Not one to be deterred, the informant snapped, "Oi! What the hell? First you demand I eat sushi and now you're trying to get rid of me. What do you know? Answer me!"

"Come back tomorrow," Simon repeated with a smile. "You will understand then."

The following day, Izaya returned to Simon's sushi shop, scowl on face, and snapped, "Simon, tell me what you know!"

The Russian looked at him with that disgusting smile and told him to wait a minute before turning away and headed into the back of the shop. "For you," he said when he returned and offered Izaya a red balloon tied with a yellow ribbon.

Izaya stared at it in disbelief and couldn't help but to laugh. "What do you take me for, Simon? A little child that will cheer up when presented something nice? You think that by giving me a new toy, I'll forget about everything?"

Simon shook his head and kept proffering it Izaya. "Therapeutic. Represents Shizuo. You let him go and you move on."

Izaya scoffed and snatched the balloon from the Russian's hands. "This is so stupid," he sighed, winding the ribbon a few times around his hand. "This is nothing like Shizuo. You could have at least tried to draw a face on it."

"If you think stupid, then let go," Simon answered brusquely as he ushered Izaya out of the restaurant and out into the streets.

"Alright then!" Izaya snapped, trying to untwine the ribbon from his fingers. He found himself gripping it tightly and trapped in a cycle of winding and unwinding the ribbon.

"Well? I thought you said was easy. What you waiting for?" Simon pestered, smiling as he knew that Izaya was realizing the point he was trying to make.

"I don't know," Izaya said in a low whisper. "I don't know why I'm sad. I always wanted for him to be gone. So why is this so hard?"

Simon smiled and patted Izaya on the shoulder comfortingly. "I leave you alone now. You let go when you ready and then come in for some sushi."

"How did you know?" Izaya asked, needing to know the answer. Simon shook his head and smiled mysteriously before heading back into the restaurant. The informant sighed, still caught up in the repeated movements of winding and unwinding the ribbon. Staring up into the sky, he willed his fingers to loosen their grasp and he felt the ribbon slip between his fingertips as he finally let the balloon go.

He blinked back the tears he didn't even realize were trickling down his cheeks and hastily wiped them away in embarrassment. Izaya figured he really was human after all. "Shizu-chan, I hope you're doing okay, wherever you are. Please just know that I'm meant everything I said, and that I really am sorry..." he murmured as he watched the balloon rise higher and higher into the clouds. Even after he couldn't see the balloon anymore, Izaya stayed where he was, staring up into the sky and feeling oddly at peace for once, and all the emotions he felt while grieving and mourning lifted, and that heavy pressure on his chest was gone.

Soon after, Celty rode by on her bike, stopping in front of Izaya in confusion and then looked up to the sky to try and figure out what he was staring so intently at. _'What are you doing?'_ Celty texted, giving up at looking at the sky. _'Shinra said you wanted to speak with me.'_

He had been tempted to sputter something about UFOs to show that he was feeling like himself again, but instead, opted for, "Where have you been?" He wanted her to tell him about her trip to see Shizuo.

_'Visiting Shizuo, but you already knew that. What do you want?'_

"Ahh, right to the point then," he said, wiping at the moisture in his eyes. "Do you think he's happy?"

_'He's as happy as he can be. It's good enough,'_ Celty replied. _'Are you okay?'_

"I'm as okay as I can be," he answered smugly. "Do you know if he suffered?"

_'I don't think so...'_ she typed, now starting to get the feeling that she and Izaya were thinking different things about Shizuo. _'The country has been much better for him than the city.'_

"Really?" Izaya replied with a puzzled expression, now starting to feel the same thing. "Where exactly did you go to see him? Valhalla?"

_'Valhalla? No! Hokkaido!'_

"Hokkaido? Why the hell is he there?" he demanded, suddenly realizing that maybe Shizuo wasn't really 'gone'. Gone in the physical sense, yes, but not dead.

_'He moved there to live with his parents,'_ Celty explained. _'Who told you that he was dead?'_

"Kasuka," the informant growled, already planning the actor's unfortunate death in his mind. "And Shinra and Simon made it seem like he was dead, too!" Though thinking over it now, all three of them had just been vague and cryptic. Except for Shinra; the doctor was just an ass.

Celty shook her head, facepalming against her helmet and making a mental note to give Shinra a particularly sharp jab in the ribs when she got home. _'Shizuo is very much alive and he is doing well. His condition has improved a lot,'_she said.

Izaya sighed in relief. "I guess I cause him too much stress. Maybe it would be better for him if I stayed out of his life and continued thinking he was dead."

_'Yes, it would be better for him, but not for you.'_

"Oh? The Black Rider actually has a semblance of interest in my health?" Izaya asked with a smirk.

_'Shinra told me what happened when he stopped by to visit you,'_ she stated. _'He said you were a completely different person.'_

"Did he now?" the informant asked. "What do you think?"

_'Whatever you were staring at in the sky must have changed you back to your original self,'_ she said so bluntly that Izaya couldn't help but to laugh. _'What are you going to do now?'_

"I'm going to see Shizu-chan, of course," Izaya answered as if that was the most obvious thing in the world. "He and I still have some business to settle."

* * *

><p>For Shizuo, he wasn't sure if moving to the countryside to be with his parents was such a good idea. He hated being a burden to his beloved family and he missed Ikebukuro to no end. The week before he moved away, he had a small farewell party in his apartment with Kasuka, Tom, Celty and Shinra. They ate hotpot, listened to Shinra's awful karaoke and packed up the apartment. Shizuo felt <em>normal <em>again, as if he was never sick to begin with, and wished he could have held onto that feeling forever.

The next few days, Kasuka packed up his brother's essentials and booked a ticket to send Shizuo to their parents. He would finish packing, sell off the apartment and then meet him in Hokkaido before leaving to film his next project.

The first thing Shizuo got from his mother was a slap to the face, a sob, and then a forceful embrace. Kasuka received the exact same treatment when he came home as well. Their mother was so upset that she had been kept in the dark about her dear son's illness and the sight of him caused everything to sink in, and she knew that she'd be outliving one of her beloved sons. Their father shook his head in disappointment, but heartily patted his sons on the back for their return. The Heiwajima's were united as a family again and they had warm, loving dinners, and happy chatter going on, and once again, Shizuo felt exactly as he had during his farewell party. He desperately clung to that feeling of normalcy, especially after Kasuka had to leave for his job.

Despite his illness, Shizuo tried his best to help out his parents. His mother was a housewife and stayed in doing chores while his father went out to work. Every day, Shizuo would help his mother tend to the rice plants growing out in the backyard and help prepare dinner for his tired father returning home. She had tried to make him do less and rest more, but he was too stubborn and refused.

The family doctor was not nearly as good as Shinra, but he would have to do. He knew nothing about Shizuo's past and was baffled at what was left of the blond's inhuman strength, but he was competent enough to know what he was doing and was able to take over from where Shinra left off.

It was one afternoon that it dawned on Shizuo that this was how his life would be every day until the end. He would help his mother, see the doctor, and then help prepare dinner. As much as he loved this domestic life over his violent city life, something was missing. He still missed Ikebukuro and _most_ of the people in it, but he wasn't sure if he could live out the rest of his life in an ignorant domestic bliss.

And that was when everything became crystal clear. Shizuo was still hanging onto Ikebukuro, unable to let go. He knew that he'd never be able to go back to the city, or see the people he loved. He'd probably never see Kasuka again either. _This _was his reality and this was how he would live out the rest of his life. And after letting go of Ikebukuro, Shizuo figured Hokkaido wasn't bad at all. He was surrounded by his family who loved him. He was ready to die.

"Shizuo-kun, get the door, would you?" his mother called out, interrupting his epiphany. "It should be the mailman delivering something for your father. Please get it, it's important! I'll be there in a moment."

"Coming," Shizuo called out to the mailman as he made his way to the door, pushing it open and then frowned when he was face to face with the last person he had ever wanted to see. "What the fuck are you doing here?" the blond demanded rudely, ready to slam the door into Izaya's face. "How did you even find me?" Remembering that the flea was an information broker, he winced and hastily added, "Never mind; don't answer that. I'd rather not know. What do you want?"

"Hello," Izaya hummed as he nervously fidgeted with the ends of his jacket, "I wanted to see you again," he admitted, almost shyly. Shizuo was looking much like his normal self again and Celty really did mean it when she said he was getting better.

"And?" Shizuo asked, waiting for the rest of his answer as he eyed him suspiciously.

"You still don't have it in you to trust me?" Izaya asked, rather hurt by this. "I'm just here to see you."

"Well, you saw me," the blond snarled, seething, as he slammed the door in the informant's face.

"Shizuo-kun, was that the mailman?" his mother called out, coming to meet him.

He shook his head. "Don't worry about it. It was nobody important."


	8. Chapter 8

**Disclaimer: I don't own Durarara!  
><strong>**And the very first paragraph is a slightly modified quote by Mary Alice Young that I stole from **_**Desperate Housewives**_**.  
><strong>**I, unfortunately, could not find a canon name for Shizuo's parents, so, against my will, they will have to be minor OCs.**

**Suggested Song: A Drop in the Ocean by Ron Pope**

* * *

><p>The world is filled with good fathers, but how do we recognize them? They are the ones who love us long before we even arrive. They are the ones who are missed so terribly that everything falls apart in their absence. They are the ones who come looking for us when we can't find our way home. Yes, the world is filled with good fathers and the best are the ones who make the women in their lives feel like good mothers.<p>

For Heiwajima Yukito, he can recall every moment in his sons' lives that could define him as a good father. The moment his lovely wife announced that they would be having a second child, he remembered fondly rubbing her stomach and feeling elated joy swell up in his heart for the new coming addition into their small family. When he had to leave for a business trip, he could remember his sons clinging to his legs, begging him not to leave, and his wife trying to pry them off of him so he would not miss his flight. The chaos that ensued after he had left is something his wife has put in the very back of her mind and tried to wipe clean from her memories, but he remembers the war between his wife and children had ended the moment he stepped back into their warm house and announced, "I'm home." When little Kasuka had gotten lost, little Shizuo decided that as the eldest, it would be his job to bring him back, and after an hour of waiting, his wife sent Yukito out to go locate those little rascals and he returned with a smile on his face, holding his sons' chubby little hands in his own. Yes, Heiwajima Yukito was a good father, but the most important moment by far that defined him as a good father was embracing his wife, Heiwajima Hirai, as she sobbed uncontrollably into his shoulder when she realized that there was nothing she could do for her beloved Shizuo and that she could no longer protect him. It was a long night for Yukito and he assuringly whispered the words he knew Hirai needed to hear into her hair and held onto her tightly until she cried herself to sleep.

Shizuo found himself restless that same night, overhearing his father's muffled whispers and his mother's weak sobs. He stayed up, listening to them and wondering if it had been a mistake to come home. He was a freeloader, a nuisance, and a burden, first to Kasuka, and now to his parents. Shizuo hated weighing others down with his problems and wondered where he could go to disappear and stop causing such pain in everybody's lives.

"Am I burdening you?" Shizuo asked his parents bluntly the next morning over breakfast. His mother froze in mid-bite of her tamagoyaki and his father nearly spewed out his green tea. He could see his mother was at near-tears and decided to take it back. "Don't answer that. I didn't mean it," he said quickly, wishing he could destroy his hurtful words.

Yukito glanced to his wife, unsure how to answer such a question, but when he could see that she was on the verge of having another emotional breakdown, he cleared his throat and smiled. "Don't be silly, Shizuo-kun. You will never be a burden to us. You've already lived with us for the first eighteen years of your life. What's a few more?"

Staving off her tears, Hirai nodded and affectionately reached over to pet Shizuo's hair. "Your natural roots are coming in. Such a pretty color. Why don't you come to town with me today and we can dye your hair back to its original color?" She pushed back his blond bangs and smiled as she looked into his eyes. "You should probably get a haircut, too. I don't understand why you and Kasuka-kun like to have such long hair."

He blinked in surprise, not realizing that his brown roots were starting to show, or was it rather that he didn't _care_ anymore? "Sure," he responded, reaching up to take his mother's small hand into his own and forced himself to meet her eye and offer an equally sunny smile. He wondered what thoughts and feelings she had kept bottled up behind her summery exterior and what concerns his father had hidden behind his own relaxed stance.

Shizuo didn't dare to make a sound after letting go of his mother's hand and looking away shamefully. He seemed to have lost his appetite and tried to excuse himself, but Yukito would have none of it. "You need to eat to get better," he reminded as he prepared to leave for work. Shizuo watched as his mother stopped her husband before he could leave to straighten his tie and give him his packed lunch. If he was honest with himself, Shizuo had kind of hoped that he would be married and would have settled into a peaceful life. Instead, life decided to be cruel and throw a terminal illness into his face.

"Shizuo-kun, hurry and eat up," Hirai rebuked gently. "I have plenty of errands to run today, and I'd like you to come with me. You could use the fresh air and exercise!" Despite whatever excuse she gave, Shizuo knew that she was only trying to spend as much time as she could with him before he left her for good.

Shizuo shoveled the rest of the food on his plate down his throat and forced his stomach to cooperate with him and keep it all down. He grabbed sweatshirt jacket off the coat rack and followed his mother out. She let out a exasperated sigh and zipped up his jacket before continuing on. He wondered when he had reverted back to childhood and if she realized that she was coddling him. His mother left him at the hair salon with her trusted friend and told him that she'd be back to pick him up later and to call if anything happened. Lucky for Shizuo, her friend was kind enough to hold back on the small talk and helped him get his hair back to its natural state.

She finished much earlier than he had expected and when she presented him with a mirror, it took him a few moments to realize that the _thing_ in the mirror with pale skin and sunken eyes was really him. Shizuo stared at his reflection in awe, still surprised of what he had turned into. How had he not noticed how fast he was deteriorating, or was it that he didn't care anymore? Reaching up, he gingerly fingered a lock of his hair, grimacing at how rough it felt. Maybe it was just the hair products that made it feel weird, but he knew that the chemicals wouldn't have made his hair look dead and take away its ability to catch the light and make it dance in his locks. Shizuo scoffed, realizing that he was acting like a total girl about trivial things like his hair and forced himself to look away from the stranger in his reflection. Seeing as he was finished early, he decided he would be a good boy and wait for his mother to return instead of explore.

However, it seemed that he couldn't ever catch a lucky break, since Izaya must have been running errands as well. The flea frowned at the sight of Shizuo sitting on the curb outside the hair salon and couldn't help but to laugh as he approached him. "What on earth did you do to your hair?" Izaya asked, surprised by Shizuo's new look. He still had the lingering smell of hair products on him which meant that he must have just done it earlier.

Shizuo glared at him, choosing to avoid the question and instead snap, "What are you still doing here? Shouldn't you be busy ruining lives in Ikebukuro?"

"Funny," Izaya answered mirthlessly. "I was actually thinking about expanding my business. Where better to start than the countryside?"

"Screw you," Shizuo hissed, pulling away from the flea. "Why are you doing this?"

"I'm trying to make things right between you and me. How many times do I have to tell you to get it through your protozoan brain?" Izaya snapped, already tired of the repetitive exchange of words between them. "And now's the part where you'd ask 'why' and I'd reply with 'Because you're dying and I've seen the error of my ways and blah blah blah.' Are we good to move on now?"

"Why won't you take 'no' for an answer then?" Shizuo asked. "Why do you have to be so persistent?"

"I think you've asked that before, too, but it's because I'm not giving up on you," Izaya answered. "Because I know you're the world's most stupid person in the world, and I won't let your stubbornness outstrip mine in its tenacity. I'm not letting you go. Seeing as we have arrived at a stalemate, why don't we just call it a truce and move on? We can skip the drama and get to the good part."

"The good part?" Shizuo echoed incredulously. "I think _you're_ the one with the problem of getting ideas through _your_ protozoan brain!"

"Nice, you can't even come up with your own insults; you have to regurgitate my own," Izaya replied, ignoring his snarky comment. "Shizu-chan, how many times do I have to tell you? I truly am sincere about what I had said. Would I have followed you here otherwise? And don't you dare say that I would do anything just to torture you." Shizuo closed his mouth, biting back the remark and slightly disturbed that Izaya could read his mind so easily. The informant shook his head, and continued on, "Forgive me, Otonashi-chan. I'm still Nakura. Everything I said was real. Everything between us was _real_. I know that forgiving me won't change the past or anything I've done to you, but it will at least give me a second chance and change our future."

Shizuo frowned, eyeing him with scrutiny as he tried to figure out his ulterior motive. However, before he could even reject him, a soft feminine voice made him wince. "Shizuo-kun? Who's this?" his mother asked softly as she joined her son and his friend.

To Izaya, Heiwajima Hirai was the epitome of humanity. She was fragile, emotional and easily manipulative. He wondered if Shizuo had inherited his emotional tangents from her in the first place. She had a warm smile as she affectionately coddled her son and Izaya realized that above all her other human flaws, the housewife loved Shizuo unconditionally and _cared_. Shizuo really was a mama's boy and Izaya couldn't help but to laugh.

"You should leave, Izaya," Shizuo muttered, putting himself between the informant and his mother as if he were a buffering shield.

"Shizuo-kun, don't be rude," she chided softly. "He is your friend, isn't he? He can join our family for dinner if he'd like. We haven't had guests since Kasuka-kun left for work."

Izaya frowned as the realization that Shizuo and Kasuka must have kept their parents in the dark over the events that occurred in Ikebukuro. It was this concept that caused Izaya to realize that he and Shizuo were more alike than he could have ever imagined. He had kept his own parents, Orihara Shirou and Kyouko, in the dark over his shady affairs and they must have lived in ignorant bliss thinking that his sisters were perfect angels. The only difference between them was that Shizuo and Kasuka were sincerely protecting their parents while Izaya, Mairu and Kururi just wanted to keep them _out_.

He paused, realizing that both Shizuo and his mother were looking at him expectantly, waiting for an answer and he squeezed out a meek, "Thank you, Heiwajima-san, I would be honored to join your family for dinner," and then offered to carry her groceries for her, seeing as Shizuo was incapacitated to do so.

"What's this, Shizu-chan? No biting remarks of protest?" he asked when he was sure Hirai is out of earshot.

"Shut up," Shizuo answered, refusing to answer. He knows that Izaya knows the answer, and it's only for his entertainment that he's trying to get Shizuo himself to admit it. "It was bad enough that you had to follow me here from Ikebukuro, but do you really have to weasel your way into my family? Listen, I'll do whatever you want, but just leave my family out of this. You want to be friends, then okay. Let's be friends. Just stay away from my family."

"You'd really do that for them?" Izaya asked, confused by Shizuo's devotion to his family. "You would shoulder all the pain and keep them in the dark just to keep them safe?"

"Of course. It's called being human," he retorted, glancing warily between his mother and Izaya.

Izaya is surprised to be welcomed into the Heiwajima home and can't help but to survey the way Shizuo acts around his mother. Maybe he had an Oedipus complex or maybe it was that Izaya still posed as a threat, but he seemed to have been really protective of her. When his father returned home from work, the informant finally had the full picture of the Heiwajima household.

Kasuka was almost the spitting image of his father, Heiwajima Yukito. And by almost, Izaya noticed the only difference between father and son was that Yukito had an ever-present smile that Kasuka would forever lack. Izaya had always pictured the Heiwajima's to be heartless monsters, but seeing how domestic and blissful his parents were, he couldn't help but to feel somewhat jealous. Despite his abnormal strength, Shizuo must have grown up in a relatively normal household and it was clear by the loving photos that the Heiwajima's had on display. Izaya wasn't sure if he should be jealous or not, knowing that he didn't have this kind of normal life. But then again, he and his sisters hadn't wanted to be normal growing up, did they?

Izaya felt strange by the way they welcomed him into their family and bantered him with cheerful conversation and small talk. When Yukito asked of his relationship with Shizuo, Izaya figured he would honor Shizuo and Kasuka's decision to keep them in the dark and simply responded that they were classmates, introduced through Shinra and fondly recalled a Raijin memory, though he had to alter many of the details in it. From the corner of his eye, he watched Shizuo slip away unnoticed. If anything, Shizuo was just glad that this dinner hadn't turned out to be a complete disaster and his parents' mood seemed to have lightened up considerably.

After dinner, he and Izaya were left alone on the back porch with cups of cold iced tea and a fan to combat the humid weather. "Thanks," Shizuo muttered, but wouldn't elaborate any further.

"You're welcome," Izaya replied. "I know you don't want to hear this, especially from me, but is this really all you're going to do with your life?"

"What are you talking about?" he answered, already not liking where this conversation was headed.

"It's just that you seemed to have given up, and it's so unlike you to do so," the informant explained. "That's not you. You don't give up. You're stubborn and you don't ever call it quits on anything."

"Guess I finally met my match," Shizuo said wistfully.

"Don't say that," Izaya responded, disturbed by the lack of fight in the former-blond. "There has to be something you've always wanted to do before you died. I'll take you. Whatever you want. Just name it."

Shizuo frowned at Izaya's proposition, and couldn't help but to be suspicious. "Why?"

"Think of it as an apology," the informant answered. "You said you could never forgive me for what I've done and you'll continue to hate me to no ends, but maybe this way, you will reconsider. I did come all the way down for you, didn't I?"

"I want to punch you in the face," Shizuo said flatly. "Will you let me do that then?"

"Go for it," he replied, giving him a smug look to further threaten him. Shizuo seriously wondered for Izaya's sanity as he clenched his fist and pulled back, ready to land the blow and probably break his nose. Izaya squeezed his eyes shut and braced himself as the brute swung his fist. He felt the breeze made by Shizuo's swing, but felt nothing. Hesitantly, he opened one eye to see that Shizuo had stopped himself five centimeters away from his face. "Why'd you stop?"

"Did you mean it when you said you'd take me anywhere?" Shizuo asked, pulling his fist back and sticking his hands into his pockets. If Izaya was dangling this hope into his face and didn't mean it, he didn't know if he'd be able survive such a betrayal.

"Yes," Izaya answered in a heartbeat. "Anywhere. Just name it and it's yours."

Shizuo looked away from his sheepishly as he looked down to his feet. "I was sick and missed a field trip when I was younger," he murmured, feeling awkward and stupid as he made this confession to Izaya of all people. "It was to Himeji Castle. Kasuka went the next year and brought back a souvenir magnet for me. It was... cool."

"Do you want to go to the castle?" Izaya inquired, hoping that Shizuo was sharing this story as a shy way of asking him to take him there.

Shizuo caught himself, stopping himself from sharing too much with the informant. He knew better than this and in the end, he'd always get hurt. He wouldn't let it happen again. Guarded, he shook his head. "No. Forget it. It's stupid." Looking to the clock, he used the time as an excuse to change the subject. "It's getting late. You should probably leave."

"Alright," Izaya replied, tired. He wouldn't push Shizuo anymore. He'd stop pursuing him finally. "I really meant it though," he said, at the door. "If you change your mind, my offer still stands. You know how to contact me. Thank you for letting me spend time with you and you family."

Shizuo closed the door behind him and went to return to his room, only to freeze in position when he realized his father was standing there, no doubt having heard the entire conversation. "Your friend seems nice," he commented, and Shizuo had hope that maybe his father hadn't heard anything. "You should get some sleep. It's late."

"Good night, father," Shizuo responded and stayed up late, overhearing his mother's quiet sobs and his father's reassuring whispers once again. He rolled over on the futon, trying to clear his mind and just think. He thought about his poor parents who knew they were facing the worst situation a parent could ever face; outliving one's child. And he thought of Izaya whose motives were still so unclear and foreign to him. He used to be able to read him so easily, but now Izaya's expressions were just a confusing blur and he could no longer tell the difference between truth and lies.

When his father returned from work the next evening, he called for Shizuo to sit out at the back porch with him and watch the sunset. "Want one?" he asked, proffering a popsicle he must have picked up from a convenience store on his way home.

"You know I'm not supposed to," Shizuo said, sorely tempted to accept the frozen treat.

"Dessert once in a while shouldn't hurt. A father should be able to dote on his son every now and then," his father reasoned with a shrug. "Don't you like dessert?" he added, tempting him with a smile.

"Mom won't be happy," Shizuo said, giving one more attempt to deprive himself from that cold, sweet popsicle.

"What she doesn't know can't hurt her. It'll be our little secret," Yukito chuckled. "But if you really don't want it, then suit yourself," he said, opening the packaging and revealing the icy blue color of the frozen dessert. Damn it, he just had to get the soda flavor, didn't he?

"Give it here," Shizuo muttered, surrendering and accepting the popsicle. He bit into it and closed his eyes, no doubt feeling extremely refreshed from the hot weather. It felt like ages since he last had any kind of sweets, and every bite seemed like heaven at the moment. Hearing the crinkling of another wrapper, he glanced back to his father to see that he also had a popsicle. "You knew I'd take it, didn't you?" he asked, mock-accusingly.

"You're my son. I know you too well," Yukito replied, eating his own popsicle and smiling. Father and son sat in silence, watching the sunset on their back porch. Finished, Shizuo licked the stickiness from his fingertips and stood up to get a glass of water and dispose of his wrapper and popsicle stick. "Stay, we need to talk," his father said softly, placing a hand on Shizuo's shoulder to halt him. "I'll get it." He returned in a few moments, presenting Shizuo with a can of milk tea instead of his expected glass of water.

"Jeez, you're really spoiling me today, aren't you?" Shizuo commented.

"Consider it a bribe," Yukito replied honestly, causing his son to nearly spew out his drink.

"What?" Shizuo repeated, looking a little bit miffed as he tried to decide whether or not he should have been offended by his father's statement.

"Calm down, Shizuo-kun! It's not like that. It was supposed to be a joke, albeit a very bad one. I'm sorry," Yukito said as he pat Shizuo on the back. "I was just curious about your history with Orihara-kun."

"What do you care about him?" he replied defensively. "He's an old classmate. That's it."

Yukito smiled, trying to resist a chuckle. "I don't think an old classmate would offer to take you to Himeji Castle or any other place you'd want. And I don't think you of all people would get so tense around an old classmate." Damn, so he had overheard their conversation.

"It's complicated," Shizuo replied, trying to avoid answering the question altogether.

"This isn't Facebook," he pointed out, trying to sound wise. "Shizuo-kun, if you don't want to talk about it, then it's fine, but please don't lie to me or your mother. We're both worried about you."

"Sorry, father, but it's just not something I want to talk about," he said, trying to keep his parents in the dark still. "You don't have to worry, though, there's no way in hell that I'd leave with the likes of him. It wouldn't be right."

"Forgive me if I'm out of place, but I think you should go with him," Yukito said with a firm nod. "You coming here might have been a mistake. Don't misinterpret what I'm saying, but you seemed to have given up already. Orihara-kun was right; you should live your life out to its fullest before it's too late and that's something your mother and I can't give you. Shizuo-kun, just because Death is coming for you doesn't mean you should go with him peacefully. Fight him just so you can live a little longer."

And like any good father, Heiwajima Yukito knew how to help his straying son find his way back home, back to the path he had lost sight of and back to his original self.

"Thank you, father," Shizuo murmured, wiping at the wetness from his eyes as he returned into his house to locate his phone.

_Nakura-san,  
><em>_If you really meant it, then I'm in.  
><em>_Otonashi_


	9. Chapter 9

**Disclaimer: I don't own Durarara!**

**Something totally off-topic, I bought John Green's latest book (and got it signed, too!), **_**The Fault in Our Stars**_**, and it was really an amazing read, and inspired me to shut down the online games and write the next part to this story, lol. It's really an amazing book, and I think my Shizuo and Hazel, John Green's protagonist, would have got along very well, so you all should go out and read that book!**

**Also, and this might be silly, but from the last chapter, I got my castles mixed up. I was really thinking of Himeji Castle and not Osaka castle. I doubt any of you would remember that, and I've already gone back a long time ago and changed it, but I thought I should mention it anyways.**

**Last thing, I hope Shizu-chan and Izaya didn't come out to be whiny or anything. It's just that I highly doubt that they would be all chummy right off the bat, so I'm just attempting to be realistic. Let me know how I did?  
>And the first paragraph is a Desperate Housewives quote again.<strong>

**Suggested Song: How to Save a Life by The Fray**

* * *

><p>The world is filled with unlikely friendships. Odd pairings that to the casual observer make absolutely no sense at all. But if you look closer, we can see why these alliances form. After all, a shared purpose can give even mortal enemies common ground.<p>

For Izaya and Shizuo, as odd as their newly-formed friendship was, they did find common ground against the enemy that was Shizuo's fatal disease, but aside from that, they, unfortunately, didn't have that much in common. Izaya could practically feel his own teeth rot when he saw the sweets Shizuo guzzled down every day at lunch during their high school days—thank God that's finally come to an end. Shizuo doesn't and never will understand why Izaya needs to know what is going on with everybody, and honestly, he couldn't care less; he's always liked to mind his own business anyways. Izaya also had to inwardly cringe at Shizuo's unreasonable generosity, wondering how it was possible that somebody could be that absurdly kind—though, that has come to an end, considering that Izaya is the one who is now 'absurdly kind.'

The thing that Shizuo hates the most about Izaya is probably his need for control, as if going with the flow is the worst fate anybody could ever have. Izaya fights so hard for control, knowing that by losing it, it means he's putting his fate in the hands of others, and after all, what could be more dangerous? Though thinking about it now, with the awareness that came with his inevitable death, Shizuo realizes that he's probably Izaya's charity case because Izaya can't stop him from dying, no matter how hard he tries, and that he's already lost his much needed control.

Shizuo, on the other hand, doesn't really care much for control, which pisses Izaya off to no end. He actually finds it funny that, with less than a year to live, he's finally gotten a semblance of control over his life and is finally able to do everything that he's ever wanted to do.

"I can't believe I'm finally here," Shizuo mumbled, looking at the castle.

"What do you mean?" Izaya answered. "You know you actually have to go _inside_ for it to count, right?"

The sick man frowned at this, and shook his head. "Every year, since I missed the field trip, I promised myself that I would come back and finally see it. As you saw, my family isn't very well off and my father couldn't afford to miss any work for a family vacation. And then in high school, I was too busy picking fights with you to come back. It's almost thirteen years later and I've finally made it."

"Better late than never," Izaya replied, chiming off a cliché term.

"Better late than never," Shizuo repeated agreeably as he smiled as Izaya paid for their entrance ticket and brought him in.

Izaya couldn't help but to snort as Shizuo took in everything about the castle with a childlike innocence and his heart squeezed in his chest. He was glad to see that Shizuo could have such a positive outlook on life, despite the fact that he was going to die. That was something Izaya could never do. "Oi, Shizu-chan, do you even know why Himeji Castle is famous?"

Shizuo shrugged in response. "It's pretty?"

Izaya laughed at his reply, shaking his head. "No, you silly protozoan. Himeji is the largest castle in Japan with a unique architecture that fuses art and superior defensive power... OI! Are you even listening?"

"Do you always have to be such a know-it-all?" Shizuo teased, wandering off to admire the displayed artwork. "If you keep trying to teach me a history lesson, I'm afraid you'd only hasten my death," he joked, making light of his situation. "I've never been a history fan, surely you knew that."

"How can you say that?" Izaya asked, looking clearly appalled as his jolly mood faded.

"What? That I hate history class?" Shizuo asked, confused.

"No! How can you say things like that? Hastening your death? That's a terrible thing to say..."

"Oi, flea, what the hell?" Shizuo questioned, looking extremely bewildered. "Normally, you'd enjoy such a joke..."

"It's because of you that I can't _enjoy_ such comments," Izaya snapped, spitting out the word like it was an offensive. "Don't say those things, Shizu-chan. You're so stupid sometimes that you don't realize that you're not the only one you're hurting."

"Izaya, don't be like this," the sick man said, as he put his hand on the informant's shoulder. "Do you know why I agreed to go with you on this little vacation? Sure, it was thanks to my dad's encouraging, but that's not all. He said to go with you so that I could feel _alive_ again. I can't feel that way if you keep acting like such a downer every time my illness is brought up. Lighten up, okay?"

Izaya closed his eyes, and tilted his head so that his hair brushed against the back of Shizuo's hand. "You make it seem so easy. How can I make things up to you, if you won't even let me?"

"Who says you need to?" Shizuo replied, trying to coax Izaya back to his normal self. "We're trying to be _friends_ right? So, as my friend, shouldn't you be trying to take my mind off dying?"

Izaya sighed, feeling rather silly for being the one to get so worked up when he wasn't even the one dying. It was so strange for him to be the one to be irrational and emotional and have Shizuo to be as cool as a cucumber. Ready to change the subject, he looked around carefully for any of the tour guides before yanking a digital camera out of his pocket and aimed at Shizuo. "Smile, Shizu-chan!" Too bad he didn't realize that pictures were a touchy subject for Shizuo.

"What are you doing?" Shizuo growled, shyly covering his face and turning away from Izaya.

"Picture," he answered, frowning at him. "Isn't it normal for one to take pictures on their vacations?"

"Please don't take my picture," Shizuo requested quietly.

Izaya lowered the camera with a confused frown. "And why the hell not?"

He shrugged and looked away. "I just don't want to. Please don't push me."

"Take it for your parents. They would want these photos," Izaya answered, pushing him regardless.

"No they wouldn't," Shizuo answered, cringing at the thought of his mother crying over the photos. "They'd want a picture of me when I was still strong and healthy, not as this dying mess."

"I think your parents would appreciate the picture of you, regardless. It's their last memory of you, so smile and say 'cheese,'" the informant said, lifting the camera again.

"Seriously, Izaya, stop it," Shizuo said, swatting lightly at the camera. "That's the thing about pictures: they're all lies. I'm not happy. I don't want to force myself to smile for them and make them think that I'm actually okay with dying."

"Wasn't that the point, your hypocrite?," Izaya growled. "Photos are meant to be lies! You smile and look happy so that your parents know that you're doing okay. You said it yourself; you came with me to feel alive again. So do this for your poor mother."

Shizuo's lips formed a tight line at having his own words thrown back into his face. "I'm tired of fighting," he said quietly, looking down and away from the camera.

"At least it's not 'beating me up' fighting," Izaya said with a sly grin. "Take a picture for your family."

"But I'm not photogenic... At all..." Shizuo weakly protested, starting to feel self-conscious.

"Is _that_ what you're worried about?" the informant asked incredulously. "Everybody's not photogenic! Myself included!" He looked around and waved down a tourist, offering them his camera as he asked for a picture. "Here, we'll take one together for your self-esteem," he said with a grin as he leaned against Shizuo.

Startled, Shizuo quickly put on a smile as the flash of the camera went off and Izaya was happily thanking the tourists for their time. "I look terrible," he said, looking over Izaya's shoulder to see the picture preview.

"You think you look bad? I _blinked_," Izaya retorted dryly as he looked at the picture. Regardless of their imperfections, he didn't delete the picture. After all, it was their first one together.

At the gift shop, Shizuo quietly combed through a collection of gift magnets, internally debating if he should purchase one or not. "You should send it to Kasuka-san," Izaya said teasingly as he proffered a souvenir magnet of the castle to Shizuo. Shizuo couldn't help but to smile as he accepted it, but his smile faded as he got a better look at the picture on the magnet. "What? What's wrong?" Izaya asked, worried that he had done something wrong.

"It's nothing," Shizuo said, putting it back down with the other magnets. "It's just that it's the exact same one Kasuka had given me when I was younger, that's all."

Izaya took in Shizuo's sullen look and then glanced back down to the magnet he had cast away. It was a childhood memory, a piece of Shizuo that he had never seen. Picking it up, he traced its rectangular shape and considered buying it for himself so he could have this piece of Shizuo, but thought better. Instead, he set it back down and picked up a different magnet and handed it to the cashier. "I'll buy this please," he said with a nod and smirked at Shizuo's surprised look. Forget Kasuka and the original magnet; Izaya was making _new_ memories with Shizuo now. "You should still send it to Kasuka-san. After all, you owe him a souvenir, don't you?" he asked cheekily as he handed the paper-wrapped magnet to him.

"Thanks, Izaya," Shizuo mumbled, pocketing the gift and feeling the weight of it in his pocket.

Their last stop for the day was visiting a temple at Shizuo's request. Izaya, not the most religious person in the world, scowled at that, wondering why on earth he'd want to make an offering to the Gods. "These are the same Gods that cursed you with a fatal disease!" Izaya pointed out.

Shizuo shrugged and replied, "If it wasn't for this disease, we wouldn't be friends."

Izaya's heart squeezed at his words and with a blush, he looked away. "Alright, alright! Just make it quick," he said quickly, unable to look Shizuo in the eye.

At the purification fountain near the shrine, Shizuo and Izaya took one of the ladles of water, going through the general purification ritual by rinsing their hands and mouth before heading to the offering hall—Shizuo took the purification ritual seriously, while Izaya seemed to just want to get it over with quickly.

After climbing up the steps to the temple, something that Izaya thought Shizuo would have troubles with, the ill man dug through his pockets for a coin and gently tossed it into the offering box, bowing deeply and then bringing his hands together to make a prayer.

Izaya, not really one for prayers and rituals merely went through the motions, still not taking any of it seriously, but when he glanced over to Shizuo and saw that he was in deep concentration, he commented without thinking, "Shizu-chan, I don't think the Gods will miraculously cure you so you're probably better off wishing for something else."

Shizuo frowned at this and opened his eyes to squint at Izaya with disdain while keeping his hands together in prayer. "That's not what I'm wishing for."

"Eh?" Izaya answered, surprised, that Shizuo didn't act according to his predictions. "Then what are you wishing for?"

"It won't come true if I tell you," he replied childishly with a small grin. "It'll be worth it, though."

Disturbed by this, Izaya turned away with an annoyed look on his face. "Why would you put your fate in the hands of nonexistent Gods? If you want something done, do it yourself."

"If I could do it myself, then I wouldn't have to wish for it," Shizuo replied, realizing that they were back on the touchy subject of control and on the verge of another argument.

"Then instead of praying to them, tell me your wish and I'll make it come true!" the informant protested. "I'll do everything in my capacity to make sure it comes true."

"I'm not telling you my wish," Shizuo said stubbornly. "You couldn't have granted it, anyways," he added, striking a low blow to Izaya's pride.

He frowned at this, clearly upset, and demanded, "Why not?"

"Izaya, drop it," the ill man said, temper starting to flare. "It's just a wish. Wishes are meant to be hopeful."

"Tell me what you wished for," Izaya said.

"Seriously, drop it!" Shizuo snapped. "Why do you have to know?"

"Because I promised to do everything and anything for you, so if you're making a stupid wish the Gods will never grant, then at least give me the chance to try and grant it for you!" Izaya snapped back.

"What if you were right? What if I had really been wishing for that miraculous cure? You can't give that to me," Shizuo said seriously, and watched as Izaya's expression became stricken.

"That's not fair," the informant said quietly.

Shizuo frowned at this, realizing that his words had really wounded Izaya to a point where details didn't matter anymore. He wasn't sure if he should have been glad about the major change he brought in Izaya's character, but Izaya, who had always been able to read him, had been so hurt that he didn't even realize that Shizuo was lying through his teeth, using words aimed to maim. "I'm sorry," he muttered finally. "That wasn't my wish."

"You really don't want to tell me?" Izaya murmured. "Why? Is it because you still don't trust me? I suppose that's fair; I mean, just because you came with doesn't mean I've earned the right to your trust right away."

"I wished that the cherry blossoms would bloom before I passed, and that I'd be able to see them one last time," Shizuo blurted out.

Izaya looked at him, with wide eyes and studied Shizuo's expression carefully. His heart squeezed when he realized that Shizuo was lying, probably just to make him feel better, and tired of fighting, Izaya gave in. "See? That wasn't so hard, was it? I'll take you to watch the cherry blossoms when they bloom. It's a promise. You just need to hang on a little longer!"

Shizuo blinked, knowing that Izaya had read him, but decided not to comment on it. He, too, was just so tired of all the fighting. "Yeah, it's a promise."


	10. Chapter 10

**Disclaimer: I don't own Durarara!**

**This one is most definitely my favorite chapter that I wrote. Truth be told, I actually had some of this written since I took up this prompt and saved it until the story finally progressed to this part. ****Yes, the first paragraph is from **_**Desperate Housewives**_** again. Obviously, I'm making this a habit. I can't help it; Mary Alice Young is just so wise and perceptive!  
>There's a random <em>House<em> line tossed somewhere in there, and the cherry blossom scene has lines from the **_**5 Centimeters Per Second**_** movie.  
>Enjoy, and I hope you guys like this chapter as much as I do.<strong>

**Suggested Song: Give Me Love by Ed Sheeran**

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><p>There is a prayer intended to give strength to people faced with circumstances they don't want to accept. The power of the prayer comes from its insight into human nature, because so many of us rage against the hand that life has dealt us, because so many of us are cowardly and afraid to stand up for what is right, because so many of us give into despair when faced with an impossible choice. The good news for those who utter these words is that God will hear you and answer your prayer. The bad news is that sometimes the answer is no.<p>

When Shizuo went to the temple and prayed to the gods, he did not ask for a miraculous cure, or for cherry trees blooming earlier than usual. He did not pray for fortune or fame, or even for time to turn back so he could stop his past self from ever using the strength that would end his life. Instead, he wished for something else, and hoped that in the long run, it would be granted when he needed it the most.

Though Izaya never brought it up again, he definitely didn't forget about Shizuo's unheard wish to the gods—the exact same gods that cursed him in the first place. For Shizuo's sake, Izaya decided that he wouldn't bring it up again since they both shared the same desire to avoid fighting.

It just wasn't fair; Izaya had worked so hard to finally win Shizuo over, and now that they were finally together as friends, there was still such a huge barrier between them that only came down when they broke out into hurtful arguments. He was so tired of fighting, just like Shizuo, and all he wanted was to be able to move past all the hate they had for each other. But Izaya knew better than anybody that their hatred left a stain on their past that wouldn't go away no matter how much he wished to the gods.

Sometimes, Izaya liked to imagine that Shizuo was special and the gods really were giving him the miraculous cure that Shizuo was supposed to have wished for. It was such an easy fantasy to believe as well since Shizuo was doing so well that Izaya almost forgot that he was ill. It was those days that he loved best, when he and his friend could just forget about everything in the world and be together. It was at times like these when Izaya thought Shizuo could live on forever, and that the disease was just a horrible misdiagnosis. So when Shizuo suddenly collapsed at the train station, burning up with a high fever, Izaya knew that reality decided to remind them of its presence.

"Where am I?" Shizuo asked groggily as he awoke, coughing. "Izaya? What happened?"

"Shhh," Izaya said softly, slowly grabbing the water pitcher and pouring Shizuo a glass for his dry throat. "You're at the hospital. You collapsed at the train station and I had to call an ambulance." When Shizuo made a movement to sit up, he stopped him and made a face. "Don't move around."

"What?" Shizuo asked, seeing Izaya's pained expression and followed his gaze to see a dark bruise peeking out beneath the sleeve of his hospital gown. It was an ugly dark red, almost black, to show that he really was bleeding out under his skin. In his opinion, he was glad that he didn't have bruises the colors of the rainbow, but somehow, these seemed so much worse, as if he had just deteriorated down one more level.

Shizuo shifted, trying to get a better look at the bruise and then realized he had something in his arm and followed the tube to what he was expecting to be a blood bag from his blood transfusion. Instead, he was surprised to see that the other end was connected to Izaya.

"We have the same blood type. Who would have thought?" Izaya said quietly, answering the questioning glance on Shizuo's face. "Type O, the universal donor. It fits you, but seems rather ironic to be my type, huh?"

"You think you should be type AB, the universal recipient who takes from everybody?" Shizuo responded.

"Something like that," Izaya chuckled lightly, looking at the thin tube connecting them, as thin as the thread by which Shizuo seemed to hang to life.

"How long was I out?" Shizuo asked, though after noting the numerous orange juice boxes and cookie wrappers on the table, he added, "Have you gotten any sleep at all?"

"Two days maybe?" Izaya answered thoughtfully, "And don't bother worrying about me. I can make more blood; you can't. Well, not fast enough anyways."

"Pull it out; I'm better now," Shizuo said, about to tear the tube out of his arm, but thought better against it, grimacing at the thought of spilling and wasting Izaya's blood everywhere. Izaya called for a nurse who helped disconnect the two and brought another package of cookies for the informant to eat. He tore open the package and ravenously devoured one of the cookies, before offering the other one to Shizuo. "No thanks, you look like you need it more than me," he said, declining politely.

"Suit yourself," he said, eating the last cookie and washing it down with orange juice.

As Shizuo watched him, something clicked and incredulously, he proclaimed, "Don't tell that's _all_ you've been eating."

"Don't look at me like that," Izaya answered. "Turns out they don't bring hospital food for unconscious people, those cheap asses."

"There's fast food across the street, I'm sure," Shizuo pointed out.

"Couldn't leave. Stuck here giving you my blood, remember?" he countered with a smirk.

"Jesus! Instead of telling me to take care of myself, you should probably tell yourself that!" he exclaimed. Shizuo's heart suddenly squeezed in his chest when it suddenly dawned on him that Izaya was putting him _before_ himself.

"Shizuo, do you have a fever?" Izaya asked, getting up from where he was sitting and pressed his cool hands against Shizuo's face. "Your face is all red."

"No!" he answered defensively, turning away to hide the blush creeping on his face. "When can I get out of here?"

"You sure you should be leaving so soon? You're not well, Shizuo," he mumbled with a frown."Maybe it'd be best to stay one more night. And on that note, I should probably call your father."

"You called my dad? Why would you do that?" Shizuo questioned.

"Hey! He has every right to know you collapsed. What if something serious had happened? He would want to know right away!" Izaya snapped, wondering why Shizuo was still trying to protect his parents.

"Give me your phone; I'll call him," Shizuo sighed, giving in. "And you! Get some sleep already! Don't think I can't see how exhausted you are." Seeing how uncomfortable the chair would have been, Shizuo scooted over on the bed with a great straining of his muscles. "I'll share the bed with you if you want."

Izaya stared at him, mouth agape, as he was literally speechless by this offer. "The chair's fine," he answered slowly as his words came back to him.

"Don't be stupid," Shizuo said and pat the empty space on the bed next to him. "You're obviously not taking care of yourself, so I have to. Don't make me get up."

"Thanks, Shizu-chan," the informant murmured softly, crawling into the bed next to him and curling up into a little ball.

"No, thank _you_," Shizuo replied, regardless of how silly and cheesy it sounded.

"It's nothing; I'd do anything for you," Izaya reminded him quietly before dozing off and getting back the hours of sleep he missed out on for the past two days.

Izaya must have been pretty exhausted and out of it, considering he slept right through Shizuo's conversation with Yukito and Hirai. After checking in with his family, Shizuo put Izaya's phone on the table and glanced to the informant who was sound asleep. He felt his chest tighten, and his heart squeeze, and for a moment Shizuo obliviously wondered if the feeling he felt was a heart attack. As he settled himself in bed, doing his best not to wake Izaya, the informant sleepily curled up against Shizuo and then it suddenly hit him like a flying vending machine. That painful feeling in his chest had nothing to do with his disease. No, it was something else entirely.

The next morning, when he awoke, Izaya was absent from his arms and confused, he sat up, looking around for Izaya or a nurse. He was supposed to have his daily check up today, and after, if all went well, he would be discharged and could continue to be with Izaya and see the sights for a little while longer.

"Your friend went out a while ago," the nurse explained to him as she gave him his daily vitamins and the medicine Shinra had prescribed for him. "Why don't we get you ready to be discharged so you can leave when he comes back?"

"Yeah, sure," he murmured quietly as the nurse brought him a hospital breakfast and the doctor to him.

Shizuo merely went through the motions, tired of being looked over by numerous doctors over and over again. Sometimes he wished that he hadn't left Ikebukuro so he could have Shinra watching over him. At least he knew what he was dealing with most of the time.

"So how bad is it, doc?" Shizuo asked, seeing the small frown on his face.

"I can't be sure since I'm not your family doctor," he admitted with a guilty look. "I could call your doctor and speak with him if you'd like. To be honest, I'm just a general doctor."

"It's alright; I'll give him a call myself," Shizuo answered, knowing that Shinra would break down the big words for him. "Just tell me what you know."

"Well, your collapsing just seems to be because of the heat and dehydration, so it's not related to your illness," the doctor said kindly. "Be sure to drink plenty of liquids, especially because of your condition. However, what we're most worried about is your severe bruising and the fact that you needed to have a blood transfusion. It seems that you have anemia."

"Sorry, what's that?" Shizuo asked, wishing that somebody was there with him at the moment just so that he wouldn't be alone when he was receiving more bad news.

"You needed a blood transfusion because you didn't have enough blood, thus meaning that your circulation was impaired and the delivery of essential nutrients and oxygen isn't making it fast enough to where it's needed," the doctor explained.

"My low blood pressure," Shizuo stated, already realizing what this meant. "How much more time do I have left?"

"I'm sorry, I don't know your case enough to answer that question," the doctor answered. "I don't think this will impair you in any way as I believe your low blood pressure was caused by the anemia. I can you write you a prescription to help you if that's what you'd like."

"Yeah, that's fine," he replied quietly. "Am I still able to leave today?"

"I don't see why not," he replied. "Be safe, Heiwajima-san."

After the doctor wrote him his prescription and cleared him to be discharged, the nurse returned and helped him to his feet so he could change out of his hospital gown into the spare clothes that Izaya had left behind and waited for the informant to return after hiding the note in his pocket. He was already dreading the look Izaya would have on his face when he told him he had to be put on another set of medications.

When Izaya did return, he was out of breath and quickly signed the discharge papers before grabbing Shizuo's arm and began to pull him out. "Oi, what the hell?" Shizuo asked, pulling his arm free.

"Have you not looked outside the window at all today?" he asked. "It's okay; I didn't notice it right away either, you lucky bastard."

"Wait, notice what?" Shizuo asked, extremely confused.

Izaya reached into his jacket pocket and showed Shizuo something white in the palm of his hand. "Those stupid gods really are listening to you," he said, giving it to Shizuo. He stared in disbelief at the small cherry blossom in his hand and wondered if his real wish had a chance of being granted now that this silly one came true. But most importantly, he wasn't sure if he had the heart to ruin the day with the doctor's news. "What are you just standing there for? Come on!" Izaya exclaimed, "We have a wish to fulfill."

He took a hold of Shizuo's hand, and began pulling him again. Seeing the expression on Shizuo's face, he stopped and frowned. "Hey, what's wrong? I thought you'd be happy."

"No, I am," Shizuo answered quickly. "I just didn't expect such a miracle," he answered, deciding he would put it off. Today was theirs and he wouldn't ruin it. He quickly and carefully slipped the flower into his jacket pocket, brushing against his prescription, and gave Izaya's hand a gentle squeeze as he began to tug him towards the exit to show his enthusiasm. The informant quickly hailed a taxi and directed them to the nearest park where Shizuo's vision was suddenly filled with pink.

"It's pretty, isn't it?" Izaya commented, and glanced to Shizuo who seemed rather awestruck by the beauty of the cherry blossoms.

"Doesn't it... somehow resemble snow?" Shizuo murmured softly, holding out his hand and catching a blossom in his palm. The tiny petal was such a pale shade of pink that it almost looked white, and seeing them all tossed around by the wind and swirling around him, he felt as if he was in a blizzard. A light breeze picked up the tiny petal from the palm of his hand and carried it off. He watched it dance in the wind, until he lost sight of it. Turning to Izaya, he smiled weakly and stated, "They say it's five centimeters per second."

"Hmm? What is?" Izaya replied, looking at Shizuo with a confused expression.

"The speed at which cherry blossoms fall. It's five centimeters per second," the sick man answered wistfully with a serene look that had Izaya's heart aching. "Next year, wouldn't it be good to watch the cherry blossoms together again?"

"Of course, Shizu-chan," the informant replied with a huff. "Next year, you and I will be watching them in a nicer place than here! You'd love the places I know."

"Sounds wonderful," he murmured dreamily as he imagined what it would be like to be able to live that long. "Next year then. Don't forget, okay?"

"I wouldn't dare," Izaya said, linking pinkies with Shizuo to tie their thread of fate. "It's a promise, Shizu-chan." He smiled warmly, trying to ignore the aching pain in his chest as he made promises he couldn't keep. At that second, with their pinkies linked, Izaya leaned in and brushed his lips against Shizuo's and closed his eyes.

In that moment, everything became so clear to him, as if he understood everything that had ever happened in his life these past twenty-four years and the time which was to come. That he and Shizuo could never be together after this was a fact he clearly grasped. Izaya had such a vast life ahead of him, a boundless amount of time that lay unavoidably stretched out in front of him, but Shizuo's was limited. He would not get the abundance of time Izaya was given. He would not get to experience any of the limitless possibilities of life. He would not even get to see the cherry blossoms next year.

But for Shizuo, all the anxieties he had caught sight of soon melted away, and after that, only Izaya's sweet kiss remained.


	11. Chapter 11

**Disclaimer: I don't own Durarara!**

**I just wanted to say that I did do some research for this chapter, and since most of my information came from Wikipedia, please excuse its inaccuracy and implausibility. I don't know much about eye surgery, but I really tried my best...  
>Again, the first paragraph is from Desperate Housewives. On a side note, I'm so sad that the series is about to end. Where am I going to get my lovely, insightful quotes from now? Knowing me, I'll probably end up stealing lines from John Green.<strong>

**Suggested Song: Sayonara Memories by Supercell (Thanks Algorithmic Paradox of Love! ^^)**

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><p>Yes, it can happen so quickly. Life as we know it can change in a blink of an eye. Unlikely friendships can blossom, important careers can be tossed aside, a long lost hope can be rekindled. Still, we should be grateful for whatever changes life throws at us. Because all too soon, the day will come when there are no changes left.<p>

When Izaya broke away from Shizuo, cheeks flushed and an embarrassed look on his face, Shizuo pulled him into a tight embrace and buried his face into his shoulder to hide the tears threatening to spill. His throat tightened as he held back a sob, knowing that this wasn't fair to Izaya. Shizuo should have rejected him instead of accepting him. He should have cast him aside from the very beginning so Izaya would never have gotten so attached, and in doing so, maybe Shizuo could have saved Izaya from the pain of his death.

"Shizu-chan...?" Izaya whispered, wrapping his arms around Shizuo's shoulders in a gentle embrace. He stifled a soft gasp upon realizing how much weight Shizuo had lost since becoming ill. He seemed so small now, compared to the once fearless monster of Ikebukuro. "Shizu-chan?" he repeated as he felt a dampness soak into his shirt.

"Don't pull back," Shizuo choked out and then momentarily tightened his embrace on Izaya when he felt him shift beneath him.

Realizing that Shizuo hadn't wanted him to see his crying face, Izaya hugged him back and squeezed him lightly to show that he would be his support and his strength. This had been the first time he had ever seen a weaker side to Shizuo, and he couldn't help but to feel guilty for wanting to see this look of vulnerability on Shizuo's face. There was a rustle of movement, probably just Shizuo drying off his eyes, before he slowly let go of Izaya. "I'm okay now," he mumbled, feeling awfully embarrassed and stupid for letting his emotions get the better of him.

His eyes were red and swollen and he sniffed as he wiped his nose on his sleeve. Izaya wondered if Shizuo had ever shown his face to anybody after he had cried, or if he was the only one lucky enough to see it. "Shizu-chan, do you want to talk about it?" he hesitantly asked, knowing that he wasn't the type to have a sudden emotional breakdown.

"No, I'm fine," Shizuo answered with a small frown. "Let's just keep watching the cherry blossoms." He wouldn't dare admit how much that small gesture had meant to him, or how much Izaya had touched him. He had never cared about dying, knowing that he wasn't leaving much behind, but now...? Everything had changed too quickly.

Izaya stared at him with an apprehensive look and wondered just what he was supposed to do at this moment. Should he give him space? Should he hold his hand? Should he confess? At the latter thought, Izaya couldn't help but to query if he was even capable of saying such words. Could he really bring himself to admit that he had feelings for Shizuo? Did he really need to affirm his feelings with words when his actions spoke so clearly the words he feared to say?

Inhaling sharply, Izaya reached for Shizuo's hand, slowly brushing pinkies before settling his fingers on top of his. Shizuo glanced down considerately, and welcomed the gesture, linking his pinky with Izaya's again. The informant let out a soft sigh of relief, glad to know that Shizuo wasn't rejecting him completely, but he couldn't help but to notice how distant he suddenly was.

Keeping secrets was always a lonely business, especially for Shizuo, which was why Celty had encouraged him to search for somebody to confide in: an ally who will understand, a friend who would never judge. For Shizuo, he had confided everything to Nakura-san. Nakura-san had been an anonymous friend who would never know who he was and had no place to judge. Shizuo was able to tell Nakura-san everything without a second thought, knowing that his friend would have no way to influence his decisions and try to control him. However, since Nakura-san revealed his identity as Izaya, Shizuo had lost the one person he could confide his secrets to. Izaya, who was in love with him, would no longer be able to make decisions for him without being biased. And once again, Shizuo found himself utterly alone.

The two of them stayed at that park until sunset, just watching the cherry blossom petals falling around them like snow. Shizuo was clearly at peace, deep in thought, and in another world. When it was finally time to leave, Shizuo had actually begged for five more minutes and Izaya's heart clenched at his childlike innocence.

"You can always _see_ it again tomorrow," Izaya said, and in response, Shizuo frowned with what appeared to be a bothered look on his face. "Don't be such a child," he muttered and leaned forward to push his dark hair back. "Why'd you dye your hair anyways? You look better as a blond," he mumbled, as he unwittingly brushed his fingers against Shizuo's blushing cheeks. He had expected Shizuo to close his eyes from the close proximity between them, but his chocolate eyes held his carmine ones in an unwavering stare. Unable to look into eyes that still held so much life, Izaya cleared his throat and went back to his initial task of picking the pink petals out of Shizuo's dark hair.

When they returned to their hotel room, Shizuo went to bed without another word and stayed up most of the night, wondering if everything he had done in his life had led up to this: becoming a burden. First to Kasuka, then to Yukito and Hirai, and now Izaya, and it was so much worse, because it seemed that was all Shizuo would ever amount to. A burden. It didn't matter at first, because he didn't really think that Izaya was sincere with his words, but now that he had indirectly confessed, Shizuo knew he wasn't leaving nothing behind anymore. His family had each other; Izaya had nobody. He would have to cut this loose before it could become something dangerous.

The next morning, he finally mustered up the courage to give Izaya the doctor's prescription. He frowned as he studied the informant's face, trying to read another emotion from him besides his simmering anger. "Why didn't you tell me earlier?" he asked softly with what appeared to be a betrayed expression on his face.

"I didn't want to ruin yesterday. Yesterday was... perfect. Years later, no matter how bad things get, you'll get to look back to that day and know that everything had been _perfect_," Shizuo murmured almost dreamily.

"Perfect?" Izaya repeated, wondering how Shizuo could still retain such a positive outlook on life when he was dying. It was a miracle, really, for Shizuo to see such beauty in the most simplest of things. "I don't believe in perfection," he said flatly, crinkling the prescription in his fist.

Shizuo looked him in the eye and frowned at his statement. He bit his lip in silent contemplation, probably trying to think of a decent comeback, but the frown didn't leave his face, and it was really starting to bother Izaya. In the past, when Shizuo was being disagreeable, he would blatantly show it with either his fists or a stop sign. Now, he would just frown and pout.

"Stop looking at me like that," Izaya said, unwilling to forgive Shizuo for this small betrayal. "It's nice that you were trying to create some perfect memory for me, but the only thing I'll remember is you how sick you're getting and the fact that you're _still_ hiding things from me."

Shizuo _frowned_ again at him, as if he was trying to read him or something. However, to Izaya's surprise, it wasn't disagreeable disdain he saw in his eyes, but a sad, fading light, and that was when Izaya realized with alarmed cognizance that Shizuo hadn't been frowning at him at all. He was_ squinting_ at him. "Shizu-chan, how many fingers am I holding up?" he asked, lifting up three fingers.

Shizuo looked at him with a startled expression, wondering why on earth Izaya had dropped the topic so quickly. He squinted at his hand and hesitantly asked, "Two?"

"Wrong," Izaya said with an anguished look as his heart plummeted into his stomach and then he went to his bag to retrieve a pair of glasses. "Here, try these on."

Shizuo frowned at frameless lenses and then looked at Izaya. "Are you serious?"

"Yes, Shizuo, I'm serious. Put them on," he ordered and pleaded with the Gods not to do this. "How many fingers?"

Shizuo slowly put the glasses on as ordered and looked at Izaya thoughtfully before answering, "Three." Immediately, he took the glasses off, shaking his head with disbelief. "Don't make that face. Your reading glasses don't even help that much."

"They're not reading glasses," Izaya said. "They're the ones I wear when I take out my contacts. Shizuo, I have _terrible_ eyesight."

Shizuo stared at him, clearly unfazed by this. "How bad?"

"Last time Shinra checked, maybe -4.75," Izaya deadpanned. "If my glasses aren't helping with your sight, then that's really bad."

"Are you legally blind or something?" Shizuo asked, clearly not understanding what the numbers were supposed to mean.

"No, but for you to go from a perfect 20/20 to that in less than a year means something's wrong," Izaya said seriously, shocked at how calm Shizuo could be about this.

He shrugged in response and fell back against the bed. "Something's _always_ wrong with me. You get used to it after a while."

"I'm taking you to an optician now," the informant stated, slightly disturbed by the lack of fight he was seeing.

"No thanks," Shizuo sighed, curling up beneath the covers. "I'll sleep it off or something."

"_Sleep_ it off?" Izaya echoed, practically rendered speechless. "Shizuo, what is with you lately?"

"You know how when you have a really old car and you have to keep doing repairs for it all the time?" Shizuo asked, regarding him with dull, dead eyes. "After a while, you realize that all the repairs are adding up and it'd be better to scrap it and finally get a new car."

"You're not giving up, are you?" Izaya demanded angrily.

"You should get a new car, Izaya," Shizuo replied.

Izaya jumped onto the bed, and grabbed Shizuo by the shoulders to pull him up into a sitting position. "Are you telling me to _leave_ you behind?"

Shizuo shrugged, limply moving according to Izaya's hands. "I'm doing you a favor."

"I don't need any favors. I just need you."

"How could you want me?" Shizuo shouted suddenly, tears brimming his eyes. "I'm broken, I'm useless. I'm not _worth it_." He made a movement to push Izaya away, but the informant caught his wrists and held on tight. Unable to bear the contact, Shizuo stifled a sob and tried to break free from Izaya's grasp and found that he couldn't. His strength was gone, both inhuman and human, and it was shocking for him that the informant was now the one stronger.

"Shizu-chan, stop," Izaya murmured, grip unrelenting as he looked at Shizuo seriously.

"Why?" he snapped, starting to break down emotionally. "Why did you have to do that? In the park? You shouldn't have! You should move on, instead. You're so talented and popular and you can have everything—_anyone_—in the world. Why settle for me?" he protested, as he made another attempt at trying to break free from Izaya's unyielding grasp.

"Shizu-chan, stop," Izaya said again, more firmly, as he tried to get him to calm down. "You're being ridiculous."

"Am I?" the sick man inquired. "_You_ are the one that's being 'ridiculous'! You're the one who insisted that we be friends. You were the one that was so desperate for my forgiveness! Why?"

"Stop it!" Izaya demanded again, starting to lose his temper. "I don't want to hear this from you."

"I don't care! Why would you do all of this? Because you _love _me? It's one thing to get _me_ to believe that, but do _you_ yourself believe that? This is reality! You deserve so much better than me!" Shizuo sobbed at the peak of his breakdown.

"Shizuo, that's enough!" Izaya snapped and it was that pleading tone in his voice that made Shizuo freeze and finally stop. It was too painful for him to watch Shizuo's insecurities spill out. "You're an idiot, a stupid, insecure protozoan! Where do you get the right to lecture me about who I should be with? Who could possibly replace you?"

"Why would you chain yourself to me?" he asked in such a quiet voice that made Izaya's heart break. "I'm dying, Izaya; I don't have much time left. What could you possibly get from a relationship with me? You're supposed to be the logical and realistic one here, but you're not right in the head. If you were acting like your normal self, you'd know that it's best to cut the ties now." Izaya opened his mouth to protest, but Shizuo was quick to cut him off. "Izaya, I know that you'd feel bad for breaking things off, so let me do it. You've given me so much already, so let me give your life back to you. Let me go, and move on. Leave me behind."

"You can't possibly mean that," Izaya said, mouth agape. "I'd rather die than go back to my old life without you. I have _nothing_ back there."

"There's nothing here either," he answered, heartbroken. "I'm going blind, Izaya. It gets worse every single day, and if it's not my eyesight, it'll be something else, like my anemia!"

"Anemia?" Izaya repeated, and then hit Shizuo hard on the shoulder. "Stupid protozoan hypocrite! You scold me for not taking care of myself, and now I find out that you've been hiding symptoms from me? I'm supposed to be taking care you! I promised your father and poor mother! Listen to me, because I'm not leaving. I promise you I'll be there until the end. You and me, together."

Shizuo looked away from him, and wiped his tears away. "I was okay with dying at first. I wasn't leaving anything behind, and I knew that Kasuka and my parents could look after each other after I left. But then you barged in and forced yourself into my life, and now I have to leave you behind as well, and I don't want to! I don't want to die, Izaya! I want to live and grow old with you and watch the cherry blossoms together again next year. I want it all. With you."

Izaya embraced Shizuo tightly, squeezing him tightly. "I want it, too," he replied. "You have no idea how much I want it that, too."

"I'm so tired of seeing doctors and going to the hospital," Shizuo sighed, recalling horrible childhood memories of having to be hospitalized for broken bones. "I don't want to see another stranger. I want to see Shinra," he pleaded, knowing that there would be nobody else he would trust as much as the Underground Doctor.

"Okay, I can do that," Izaya said, looking for his phone to make an appointment.

"I didn't think I'd ever return to Ikebukuro again," he admitted.

"I didn't think you would either."

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><p>Shinra and Celty had been overjoyed to see their beloved Shizuo again. Much to Izaya's delight, Shinra had thought Shizuo looked rather well, considering what he was going through. Shinra performed a routine checkup and was very happy to announce that it seemed that the physical deterioration was slowing down, compared to when he was first diagnosed. The anemia and low blood pressure had been related, as the doctor suspected, and Shizuo had been taking care of himself quite well so it wasn't much of an issue. However, when Shizuo mentioned his eyesight, Shinra's go-lucky attitude faded.<p>

He had Celty pull up an eye chart on her laptop and used to it to check Shizuo's sight. Much to everyone's horror, it seemed the only thing Shizuo could read was up to the second line. He was able to get the third line only from lucky guesses, but other than that, he couldn't see very well.

He frowned—squinted—at the grim look Shinra had on his face and then sighed. "How screwed am I?"

"It's not _that_ horrible," Shinra said, trying to soften the blow of his words. "I would have to do more tests to find out for sure, but—"

"Quit dodging the question and just tell me!" Shizuo snapped.

"You're going to go blind," Shinra sighed. "You didn't tell me your eyes were failing you, and I'm sorry for not considering it all. It's already gotten really bad, and you'll probably lose your eyesight completely."

"I should have seen that coming," Shizuo sighed, and then inwardly chuckled at the irony of what he had just said. "What's going to happen now? Are you going to give me a prescription for glasses?"

"It's too soon to tell right now, but you might need an operation," Shinra sighed. "I know it's an extreme measure, please consider it."

"Can't you give him Lasik?" Izaya suggested, and he was more than willing to pay for the operation to save Shizuo's eyes.

"You want him to carve out my eyes with lasers?" Shizuo asked, incredulously. "No thanks."

"That's an option we can consider, though, right Shinra?" Izaya asked hopefully.

Shinra looked down and slowly shook his head. "I don't think Lasik will help at all. He's going blind."

"Is it cataracts?" Shizuo asked, recalling the only eye disease he knew off the top of his head.

"I wish it was, because then I could just give perform a cataracts surgery to improve your eyesight," Shinra sighed. "Your eyes are degenerating, just like the rest of your body. You'll experience pain when it gets worse."

"So you want to _cut_ his eyes out before he even goes blind?" Izaya stipulated with a vehement expression. "Like hell I'll let you do that."

"It's for the best," Shinra tried to explain. "From the way his eyes are regressing, it's inevitable that I'd have to do this surgery. It'd be better to do it now, before the damage spreads and he loses his eyes completely."

"There has to be another way," Izaya protested.

"I'll do the surgery," Shizuo stated, choosing to make his own decisions. Both Shinra and Izaya looked at him with surprised expressions. "I just want to get it over with, move on, and then deal with the next thing that goes wrong. Nothing is going to change this, so there's no point in getting mad at the world. Playtime's over, Izaya, and it's time I finally accept reality."

"Shizu-chan..." Izaya pleaded.

"Shinra, before you do it, there's something I've been meaning to do," he muttered softly. "There's somebody that I need to see before this operation."

"Your family?" Shinra clarified.

Shizuo looked away from the both of them, and slowly shook his head. "I made a mistake when I was kid. After so many years, I still haven't fixed it," Shizuo explained, as he could recall a faded sunset, debris, and the dying sound of a train-crossing warning. It had been a low point in his life, one of the worst, and he had been too much of a coward to return. "I have to do it alone," he added, emphasizing the need to be by himself.

"Sure," Izaya said, wondering what was so important that Shizuo needed to do before undergoing a major operation. A past mistake? Izaya had known almost everything about Shizuo, and he had occupied much of his time during Raijin, so it must have happened before they met. He couldn't help but wonder if said event had changed him, turned him into what Izaya knew him to be.

"I'll call you both later," Shizuo said, getting up to leave Shinra's apartment . "Don't follow me, please. I'll be okay."

Shizuo sighed, walking down the familiar route that he and Kasuka used to always take to get home from elementary school. It must have been over ten years now, and he had hoped that she was still there. Sure enough, peeking from between two buildings, he caught sight of the familiar bakery. And in that bakery, there she was, contently humming a soft tune to herself as she cleaned the glass windows to her bakery. The years had been kind to Shinkei Kurumi, owner of said bakery. Her short black hair may have been graying, but she still had the kind youthful look in her eyes that had attracted Shizuo and Kasuka to her when they were children. It looked as if she had recovered well from the traumatizing injury she had sustained long ago, and for that, Shizuo was grateful.

"Hello," he said quietly, approaching her. She probably had forgotten by him now, or rather, _forced_ herself to forget him.

"Oh, we're not open yet," she said with an apologetic look as she pointed the _CLOSED_ sign that dangled on the door.

"Uh, I'm not here for that," he said quickly, and caught sight of the confused frown on her face. "My name is Heiwajima Shizuo. I used to come here with my little brother. We were in elementary school at the time," he sputtered awkwardly.

Kurumi looked at him with what appeared to be recognition and she smiled warmly. "Wow, you've really grown since I last saw you!"

"I'm sorry!" Shizuo blurted out and bowed his head down to her. "I've regretted my actions every single day and I've been too much of a coward to come back and apologize. I'm so sorry."

His eyes widened when he heard her chuckle softly and fondly ruffle his hair. "I forgave you a long time ago."

Shizuo stared at her with a shocked look as he felt a great weight lifted off his heart. She smiled at him, and then invited him into her bakery. "Don't you have to work?" he asked, watching her lower the blinds.

"Not today," she answered with a gentle smile as she ducked behind the counter and returned with a bottle of milk. How nostalgic. "How are you and your brother, Shizuo-kun?"

"He's doing alright, and I'm the best I can be," he answered wryly.

"You're not well," Kurumi stated, having already noted how pale and sickly he looked. "How much longer do you have?"

"Um, I don't know. Less than a year?" he answered. "Sorry it took so long for me to come back and apologize."

She reached out and took hold of his thin hands in her own and smiled sweetly. "It's alright. You came back, and I owe you thanks for sending those men away. I know you meant well. You're such a good boy, Shizuo-kun, and no matter how bleak your future looks, just try your best and stay positive and live your life to the fullest. It'll make things a lot easier in the end. I hope you find your peace."

"Thank you," Shizuo answered and forwardly embraced the woman as he suppressed his tears. Finding truth in her words, he realized that he couldn't keep pushing Izaya away anymore. He was part of this now, and he would want him there in the end. He so desperately wanted to accept his feelings, no matter how selfish his actions would make him.

When he returned to Shinra and Celty's apartment, he called Kasuka to explain his current situation and the actor immediately booked the first flight to Ikebukuro. He had begged his parents not to come see him, and saw their faces one last time through Celty's webcam.

His surgery was scheduled that weekend and Shizuo stared out the window in Shinra's apartment all morning, trying to memorize what Ikebukuro looked like. He closed his eyes, wondering how on earth he could adjust to abysmal darkness. Celty took him by the hand and brought him to Shinra's operating room where Izaya and Kasuka waited anxiously. Shizuo embraced his brother tightly, thanking him for dropping everything just to see him.

He planted a searing kiss on Izaya, trying to memorize everything about him in that moment. "Thank you for everything, Izaya, and I love you," he whispered softly and let him go as he lay down on the hospital bed prepared for him. Izaya's eyes went wide at the confession and he had to turn away to stifle a small whimpering sob. His feelings hadn't been unheard. He hadn't been rejected. Shizuo had felt the exact same way.

"Wait," Shizuo murmured, stopping Shinra from administering the anesthetics. The doctor looked at him in surprise, as Shizuo stared him right in the eyes, as if he was memorizing his face. "I wish I could have seen Celty's face just once," he said with a soft smile and then glanced back to the doorway where everybody he held close to his heart stood with a supportive smile. "I'll see you when I wake up," he murmured to Izaya.

"Shizu-chan, I lo—"

"Tell me when I wake up," Shizuo said, cutting him off with a sad smile as he locked eyes with Izaya and tried to memorize everything about him. This would be the last time he would get to see any of his friends, and as Shinra began to administer the anesthetics, everything faded to black.


	12. Chapter 12

**Disclaimer: I don't own Durarara!**

**By the way, what's up with the image manager thing? I figured that it was a book cover of some sort, but it's actually more like a mini avatar? Anyways, the picture I chose for this came from its namesake movie _5 Centimeters Per Second, _which, by the way, I now finally own! After so much searching, cause I hate ordering online, I found it for sale at an anime convention! ****Anyways, that spurred on a Makoto Shinkai marathon which led to me guiltily updating very late again. **

****First paragraph is from Desperate Housewives and there are lines from Makoto Shinkai's _Voices of a Distant Star _and _The Place Promised in Our Early Days _tossed here and there.****

**Suggested Song: Be Still by The Fray**

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><p>In a world full of darkness, we all need some kind of light. Whether it's a great flame that shows us how to win back what we've lost, or a power beacon intended to scare away potential monsters or a few glowing bulbs that reveal to us the hidden truth of our past. We all need something to help us get through the night, even if it's just the tiniest glimmer of hope.<p>

Hope, it was such a human notion, in Izaya's opinion. He knew he had no tolerance for such wistful things and had never indulged in them either. He knew that was only because if he wanted something, he would get it for himself instead of relying on something so useless as hope. It wasn't that he was a pessimist, (which he wasn't, by the way), but, rather, it because of his need for control. Funny, how everything seemed to lead back to that tic. Deep down, Izaya knew that it was probably the main reason why he was so attached to Shizuo and why he was taking the disease so hard. Shizuo was his, and he wasn't ready to give him up just yet, even now as he counted down to the second of how long Shizuo's surgery took.

One hour, forty-three minutes and five seconds.

Shinra had been glad to announce that the procedure had gone extremely well and he had even finished it in a shorter amount of time compared to the approximate two hours eye surgery usually took. Izaya couldn't help but to wonder if Shinra had rushed it, much to the doctor's annoyance, but knew that Shizuo was in more than capable hands—or so he thought, until Shinra reluctantly admitted to Kasuka that he may have overdone it with the anesthetics.

It was an honest mistake that Kasuka could forgive, but Izaya wasn't so kind. He drilled Shinra down, making sure that Shizuo was alright and wouldn't die in his sleep or something just as morbid. Shinra seriously considered administering his leftover anesthetics to Izaya just to get him to calm down and back off, but the informant quieted down after Kasuka asked how long it would be before Shizuo would wake up.

Shinra explained that Shizuo was sleeping off the anesthetics, and it would be fine for them to see him, as long as they weren't rowdy. When Celty brought Shizuo out to transfer him into some place more comfortable, he was fast asleep with long white bandages covering his eyes. Izaya had a fear of seeing Shizuo's empty eye sockets when he came out. He had even portrayed Shinra as a mad scientist, imagining him as keeping Shizuo's lovely brown eyes preserved in a jar to keep forever. He would have peeled back the bandages to check if Shinra hadn't sharply reprimanded him for attempting to do so.

With Shizuo still asleep, Izaya and Kasuka stayed at his side faithfully while Shinra checked in every now and then to make sure he was alright. Finding the silence to be unbearable, Izaya made the mistake of asking Shinra how much he owed him for doing Shizuo's surgery.

"Excuse me?" Kasuka snapped, just now realizing that it had been Izaya who had paid for Shizuo's past medical treatments. "You've no right!" Money always seemed to make Kasuka a sour person, and in the past, Izaya would have found it quite amusing.

"Kasuka-kun, I did it for Shizuo expecting nothing in return," Izaya assured him.

"We don't want your money. I can cover all his expenses myself," he snarled, offended by Izaya's good deed. "It's already too much that you've funded his bucket list."

"I have more money than I need," Izaya answered stubbornly. "I'm glad to give it to somebody who needs it more."

"Then donate it to a charity because we're not one!" Kasuka hissed.

"Enough..." Shizuo whispered, laying a hand on his little brother's thigh to silence him. "I'm trying to sleep here," he added humorously as he mustered a weak smile.

"How are you feeling?" Izaya asked, reaching for Shizuo to make sure he was alright.

"My head hurts like hell, but I'll manage," he answered, hesitantly reaching up to touch the bandages that covered his eyes.

"I'm going to get Kishitani-san," Kasuka stated, and from his tone, Shizuo could tell that he was still upset with Izaya.

"For my brother's sake, don't pay for this," Shizuo pleaded softly. "I already owe you too much."

"You don't owe me anything," Izaya answered. "I want to do this for you, Shizu-chan."

"I know, but it makes Kasuka angry," he reasoned.

Izaya accepted this, for Shizuo's sake, and hesitantly asked, "Can I tell you now?"

"Hmm?" he hummed, confused by what he meant.

Izaya dismissed his confusion as grogginess from the anesthetics. "I love you, Shizuo. You told me to tell you when you're awake, and well, you're up now."

"I can't believe I forgot..." he murmured to himself with a frown. "Izaya, I love you, too."

When Kasuka returned with Shinra, the doctor carefully checked over him and peeled the bandages off his face. Much to Izaya's relief, Shizuo's eyes were still intact and in his head, but they seemed to have lost the light in them. They were pale blue and clouded over, and Shizuo quietly sobbed that all he could see was a deep black void.

"What am I going to do now?" Shizuo asked, hesitantly grabbing Shinra by the front of his coat as his eyes were checked to make sure that nothing had gone wrong with the surgery. To everyone's relief, there were no impending issues afterwards.

"We can get you a puppy," Shinra suggested lightly, trying to remain positive for his best friend. "He'll be your seeing-eye dog and we can go pick him out at the animal shelter."

Shizuo heard a fast clicking sound and it took him a second to realize it was Celty typing on her phone. Sensing his distress, Kasuka reached for the phone and hesitantly read out to him, "Kishitani-san, you do realize that seeing-eye dogs have to be _trained_ first, right?"

"I guess I'm going to need a reader if I want to keep talking with you, Celty," Shizuo laughed wryly as Kasuka handed her back her phone.

"Unless she wrote in Braille!" Shinra exclaimed, knowing that his dearest Celty could do anything she put her mind to.

More rapid clicking and Kasuka warily read out, "Shizuo doesn't know how to read Braille either."

"I don't think I'll bother to learn, either," he commented sheepishly, and suddenly noticed how quiet Izaya was. He was sure the informant would have cracked a sarcastic comment towards Shinra's naïveté, but there seemed to only be silence on his end. Shizuo wondered what kind of expression he was making as he irritably snapped, "Izaya, stop staring at me."

He heard a shuffle, most likely Izaya being caught off-guard, and abashed, he cleared his throat. "Sorry," he stammered, looking away from Shizuo's pale blue eyes. It was weird for him to see them so empty and unresponsive when he had been so used to seeing them light up with rage.

"Hey, I'm going to be okay," Shizuo said, trying to assure him and stay positive as he blindly reached for him.

"For now," Izaya thought as he took Shizuo's hand and linked his pinky with his.

Surprisingly, Shizuo had adjusted well to losing his sight. He had a walking stick for when he was navigating Shinra's and Izaya's homes, and when he wasn't, his friends were his eyes. Kasuka insisted on being Shizuo's eyes for the most part and made sure to keep him at his side always. However, when his publicist demanded for him to make an appearance in Osaka, he grudgingly had to leave Shizuo in Izaya's care. Kasuka swore that he would be back, and he made Izaya promise that he would take care of Shizuo to the best of his capabilities.

Shizuo couldn't help but to be a little bit glad that his overbearing little brother had left for a little while and was glad to be alone with Izaya again. It seemed that he was well enough to stay at Izaya's home in Shinjuku, but Shinra asked for weekly visits and Celty always checked in every couple of days. Being the smart woman that she was, she had found an application that would speak whatever she typed and thus, solved the communication issue between her and Shizuo.

It felt strange for Izaya to have Shizuo live with him. He remembered that he had enforced his door with steel to keep the monster out, and now, all he wanted to do was to keep him in. Shizuo insisted that Izaya return to doing whatever it was he did for money, and Izaya knew that Shizuo was pushing him back to his old life, so that there would be something for him when this was all over.

Izaya made it a point to work at home while Shizuo listened to television programs, but every now and then, a pushy client needed him face-to-face. Shizuo had no problems staying by himself and each time Izaya returned, they would watch the sunset from his balcony. Or rather, Izaya watched the sunset while Shizuo closed his eyes and relaxed.

"Has the city changed since I've left?" Shizuo asked wistfully.

"The city hasn't changed at all," Izaya said. "Maybe the people are glad that their street signs aren't ripped out as much, but it's still the same old Ikebukuro that we both love and hate."

"And the sun?"

"It's... taking its time setting," Izaya answered, glancing to the red sunset over the city. Shinra and Celty's view was much better than his, and Izaya's paled in comparison. It just showed that there was so much that Izaya's money couldn't buy.

"I wish I could take my time," Shizuo commented, trying to recall what the sun looked like as the sky faded to black. He had never considered doing something so trivial as to watch the sun go down, but he remembered his lazy days in Hokkaido, eating popsicles with his father in the backyard, watching the sun go down. He wondered if the sunset looked the same in Ikebukuro as it did in Hokkaido. "Time is so generous to us, yet it's such a cruel thief!"

"I couldn't have said it better myself," Izaya answered, knowing that fate had always been so cruel to them both and the passage of time would never favor them. He was painfully aware of how brief their time together would be, but even so, he would never regret it and would cherish every single moment they shared together.

Shizuo smiled sadly and blindly felt around until he could link his pinky with Izaya's, a familiar gesture that seemed to calm the both of them. "I always had this feeling... The feeling that I'm losing something," he softly admitted to Izaya. "The world is really beautiful, but... it feels like it's just me who's drifting away from it."

"Where is this coming from?" Izaya asked, unsure if he should be concerned with Shizuo's odd thoughts. The clarity that came with an expiration date on life seemed to change everything about the way Shizuo was seeing things, and Izaya had to wonder if he had always been so perceptive.

"I had a dream, where I'm alone in an empty universe. In that dream, I'm alone. No matter how far I walk, nobody appears and I'm pained with loneliness. But as long as I don't lose hold of you and my memories, I think I might be able to keep a grip on reality in the future," he finished as he glanced in the direction of the cool wind blowing through his hair. "I shouldn't have told you that I didn't want to die."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Izaya demanded. "You're taking it back because you don't mean it? You don't want to grow old with me and watch the cherry blossoms again?"

"Shut up, you know I want that more than anything else, but I can't make promises that I can't keep. It's not fair to you," he whispered.

"You're cold," Izaya stated after a long pause.

"Am not," Shizuo responded with a frown. "You're the heartless one between us two."

"That wasn't what I was talking about, but _thanks_," the informant answered sarcastically as he brought Shizuo's ice cold hands to his lips, hoping to breathe some warmth back into them. The sun had gone down already and the cold night air seemed to be too much for Shizuo to handle. "You're freezing," he said, noting the slight shiver in Shizuo's body. Any longer and his lips would be turning blue for sure.

"I don't feel it," Shizuo said, wondering if his body had become as numb as his heart.

"It's late; you should probably get some rest before you over exhaust yourself again. You don't want to upset Kasuka-kun, right?" Izaya asked, knowing that the actor would be thoroughly displeased to find out Izaya couldn't keep his word. "Come on inside."

Blind and sick, Shizuo still remained stubborn and petulant, not wanting to go inside at all. He felt trapped, and confined within his own body, and it wasn't helping that he lacked the stamina to sit outside and watch the sunset without having something go wrong. For Izaya's sake, he obeyed, and trudged back into the warm apartment where Izaya led him back to the bed Celty had set up for him. Obediently, he lay down, but made sure to drag Izaya down with him. His embrace on Izaya tightened and with wandering fingers, he traced the outline of his hip.

"What are you doing?" Izaya questioned, pushing Shizuo's exploring hands away. Normally, he would welcome such groping, but the way the sick man was feeling him up was oddly different. His fingers lingered over Izaya's waist, as if he was memorizing the curve of his hip and he traced over it several times before repeating the same motions on his thigh.

"I'm trying to remember what you look like," Shizuo answered, eyes squeezed tight. "I don't remember the color of your eyes any more. It's like blood, isn't it? Or is it somewhere between scarlet and crimson, like the sunset?"

"Shh," Izaya answered, feeling his heart break in his chest as he leaned in and kissed Shizuo deeply. "It's carmine," he said, hoping his words would relieve him of his rising stress levels and panic. "It's a muddy color. Like blood soaking into dirt."

"You're not dirt," Shizuo replied, reaching up to cup his face as if he was trying to remember the expressions Izaya would make. "I wish I could see you."

"I wish you could see me, too," Izaya answered softly, reaching up to entwine his fingers with Shizuo's. Shizuo was silent for a moment, contemplating whether he wanted to tell Izaya what was on his mind and risk another long-winded argument or hold it in for the sake of having a moment of peace. Reading him easily, Izaya kissed him deeply and then hesitantly asked, "Shizu-chan, what are you thinking about?"

Shizuo seemed to be startled by Izaya's forward question and bit his lip, wondering how upset Izaya would be after he made his suggestion. "Izaya... I want you to move on."

Shizuo winced as he could feel Izaya tense in his arms and if he could see, there would either be a scowl or a hurt look on his face. In this case, it was a scowl. "I told you already that I'm in this with you until the end."

"I know, I know," he answered, pressing his fingers gently against Izaya's lips to silence him. "I meant _after_ the end."

Shizuo's words hit him hard and Izaya swore he could hear his heart break at the realization that he would have to brave the world alone. "You don't mean that."

"But I do mean it," he replied. "Please, Izaya, promise me that after this is all over, you'll still be able to find happiness in your life."

"No! Never! There's nobody that could ever replace you. I wouldn't let them," the informant answered stubbornly.

"They don't have to replace me. They just have to make you happy," Shizuo said with a nod and weak smile. "Promise me this, please."

"I can't promise you that," he replied. "You can't expect me to give you my whole heart so willingly and then move on as if these past few months never existed. I love you, Shizuo, with my whole being, and you know I'd do anything for you, but this is too much. I can't honor this request."

"Izaya, you stubborn flea, I'm not asking you to replace me!" he clarified, trying to contain his temper. "I hate the thought of you with somebody else, but I'm just trying to get you to take _your_ advice. You once said to let go of the past and not let it hinder your future. I'm only asking you to be happy after I'm gone and that you can find some semblance of peace."

"I was an idiot when I told you that. Don't leave me," Izaya begged, clutching at Shizuo's hands and looking into the pale blue of his blind eyes. "You promised that we'd watch the cherry blossoms together again. I promised to take you to a better place than that park! I don't break promises!"

"Then don't. Go without me and make sure to go every single year," Shizuo murmured, sleepily, thinking that maybe wishes really did come true and this moment just had to have been one. "Right now, we're just five centimeters apart. If only we can remain that way..."

Izaya didn't answer, unable to fathom a future without Shizuo. He knew the time between Shizuo and himself was growing shorter and shorter and with each breath he took, that future where Shizuo no longer existed was getting closer. Knowing this, Izaya made a goal to make his heart harder, colder, and stronger. The door that he knew and wanted would never open again, and he refused to knock on it eternally. He'd grow up and become an adult, and he was prepared to do it alone.


	13. Chapter 13

**Disclaimer: I don't own Durarara!**

**Desperate Housewives opening. That line about people being like rain is from John Green. That is all.**

**Suggested Song: Wonderwall by Ryan Adams**

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><p>Every storm brings with it hope, that somehow by morning, everything will be made clean again, and even the most troubling stains will have disappeared. So we wait for the storm to pass, hoping for the best; even though we know in our hearts, some stains are so indelible that nothing can wash them away...<p>

One late night in Ikebukuro, a woman walks by a konbini with her head down and hands in her pockets. The dimming lights illuminate the silhouette of her slim figure and she constantly looks over her shoulder, making sure that she's not being followed. Grimacing, she turns a corner and begins to wait.

A man passes by her with his hat in his hands. A teenage girl passes by her with ganguro makeup. A husband passes by with his briefcase. A student with his textbooks and coffee for the all-nighter he's about to pull. A young couple from a love hotel, returning to their dreary lives. And so many more.

Namie waits another twenty minutes before an Underground Doctor with glasses and a long coat walks by. "You're late, Kishitani-sensei," she huffs, irritated that he has wasted her time.

"Sorry," he answers breathlessly. "It was hard to get away."

Namie's face wrinkles in disgust when she realizes he's thinking of Celty.

Shinra chooses to ignore her look of disdain, unable to fathom how anybody could dislike his beloved Celty. "Do you have it?" he asks.

"Are you sure that this is a good idea?" she asks, recalling that his last brilliant plan had unleashed a livid Dullahan onto Ikebukuro.

"I'm sure," Shinra responds and holds his hand out impatiently.

"Payment?" Namie asks and they both know that she's stalling.

Wordlessly, Shinra hands her a manila envelope and she slowly peeks inside. "It's all in there," he states flatly, now rushing her.

Namie relents and digs into her coat pocket for a very small package wrapped in brown paper. She is about to hand it over to him, but suddenly stops as hesitation flashes across her face. "I don't want it to be known that I had anything to do with this," she tells him warningly as she tightens her grip on the package.

"Why are you so worried?" Shinra questioned, "She gave us her consent this time."

"It's not Celty I'm worried about," she answers with a wince.

"Oh," Shinra murmurs, realizing who she's talking about. "I've already been keeping secrets for you. What difference does one more make?" he assures her and wiggles his fingers, urging her to hand over the parcel already.

Namie looks hardly convinced that this will turn out with positive outcomes and questions again, "Are you sure you know what you're doing?"

"I always know what I'm doing," Shinra answers hastily and contemplates snatching it right out of her fingers.

"We don't know what the side effects will be," she almost pleads.

"Shizuo-kun can handle anything."

"He _used _to be able to handle anything," she corrects.

"Yagiri-san, my best friend is dying and this is the only way I know that can maybe prolong his life. It's a risk, but what if it works?" Shinra reasons. Namie's grasp loosens on the package and with a deep inhale of breath, she reluctantly hands it over to the Underground Doctor. She watches as he tears the brown paper off and pops open the metal box to examine several filled syringes. "Pleasure doing business with you, Yagiri-san," he remarks, snapping the lid shut and pocketing it.

"And the same to you," she forces out through gritted teeth and the two doctors part ways. She glances back to see Shinra disappear into a crowd of people on a busy street and the she, too, finally makes her way back home. The dark skies are rumbling with distant thunder and looking so ominous. The air feels heavy and had she known what this storm would bring, Namie would have called off the deal with the Underground Doctor and destroyed all of her research data. Instead, she turns her head towards the sky and thinks it's time to take shelter.

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><p>Elsewhere, Izaya was impatiently tapping his fingers against a wooden desk with eyes glued to a large grandfather clock. "Somewhere you need to be, Orihara-san?" Shiki purred, taking his sweet time to look over important paperwork.<p>

"No," Izaya answered firmly, and tried to make it not so obvious that he anxious to return home to Shizuo. He had met with Shiki to discuss the whereabouts of several gangs that had the audacity to take part in illegal activities in Awakusu's territory. He hadn't realized how long this meeting would take and had honestly thought that he'd been in and out under ten minutes, tops. Unfortunately, that was almost forty-five minutes ago and Shiki was still thoughtfully scrutinizing every last detail in the report Izaya had written.

"Good, because this is sloppy work," Shiki snaps, throwing the papers down onto the table. "Are you just playing around, Orihara-san? Because this isn't the time for games."

"No, Shiki-san, I'm sorry," Izaya sputters out, shocked that his work had just been called sloppy. It would have been insulting if Izaya hadn't known Shiki was right. "Can I ask what is it that you dislike about it?"

Shiki deadpanned, and very seriously wondered if Izaya really was bullshitting with him. "This is unacceptable. I warned you about becoming overconfident, Orihara-san."

"Shiki-san, I'm really not trying to sabotage you!" Izaya insisted, now worried for his life. Subconsciously, his eyes flickered back to the grandfather clock, enraging Shiki even more.

"Where is it that you have to be? Another client?" he snapped.

"No, it's not like that," Izaya replied, "I'm sorry. Please let me redo the report. No charge."

"I don't know what's going on with you, Orihara-san, but you better not let it keep distracting you like this," Shiki warned, and then gestured to the door, finally allowing Izaya to leave.

Izaya slipped away quickly before Shiki could change his mind and just about sprinted down the street. The air was thick and heavy with humidity and Izaya knew that he'd better get home quickly otherwise he'd be caught in a torrential downpour.

Unfortunately for Izaya, he didn't make it in time and was stuck waiting beneath an awning as large droplets fell from the sky and soaked through his clothes. Izaya reached for his dripping phone and dialed Shizuo's number with shaky fingers and waited for him to pick up.

"Hello?" Shizuo answered.

"Shizu-chan, it's me," Izaya replied. "It's pouring and I'm stuck waiting in front of a konbini."

"It doesn't sound like it'll let up anytime soon. You'll probably have to make a run for it," Shizuo answered, pausing to listen to the rain pounding against the building. "Since you're at a konbini, maybe you can ask for a garbage bag to use as a poncho."

"Are you kidding me? I have a reputation to uphold and Orihara Izaya does _not _wear garbage bags!" he snapped and his heart swelled with relief when he heard Shizuo chuckling on the other side.

"I forgot that you were so high maintenance. Just hurry home and be careful, alright?"

"Alright. I love you. Bye," Izaya finished, and hung up. Hearing Shizuo's voice after a bad day of work made Izaya feel a lot better and the thought of Shizuo waiting for him at _home _made him feel secure. However, that moment of security went away the second Izaya stepped out from beneath the sheltered awning and huge ass buckets of rain cut right through all the layers he was wearing and soaked him to the skin in a matter of seconds.

It took him another half an hour to get home and when he did, he was sopping wet and his clothes were soggy. "Don't you dare," Izaya snapped, seeing that Shizuo was already trying to stifle a laugh.

"This wouldn't have happened if you just asked for that garbage bag..." Shizuo pointed out and then tossed a towel towards Izaya, having already prepared for his return.

"Shut up," Izaya growled, drying his hair with the towel. He threw his coat over the back of a chair, hoping that it wouldn't be too ruined, and began to peel off his clothes one by one.

"You want tea or something? I can boil some water for you, but you'll have to do the rest yourself..." Shizuo said, feeling a bit guilty for his lack of ability to make tea.

"Nah, I just want a hot shower and go to bed," Izaya sighed.

"How was work?" Shizuo hesitantly asked. He knew something was bothering him due to the tenseness in Izaya's voice.

"Let's not talk about that," Izaya answered dismissively with a wave of his hand.

"That bad?" Shizuo hesitantly asked.

"It's nothing you need to worry about. Shiki-san is just... hard to please sometimes." Desperately needing to change the topic, he sighed and said, "On second thought, maybe some hot tea would be nice."

"Yeah, of course, I can boil some water for you. Why don't you go take a hot shower and then get into some dry clothes?" Shizuo answered.

"Thanks," Izaya sighed and dragged himself into his bathroom.

Dutifully and feeling rather domestic, Shizuo made his way to the kitchen and blindly felt around for the kettle. He could hear the sound of the shower running over the raindrops pounding against the rooftop and thought to himself that if people were like the rain, he'd be drizzle, and Izaya a hurricane.

* * *

><p>Elsewhere, Kasuka was staring down at a metal box containing several syringes. "What am I looking at?" he asked Celty and Shinra.<p>

"A miracle cure, if it works," Shinra responded.

"_If _it works?" Kasuka repeated as surprise flickered across his usually stoic expression.

"I can't promise anything, but it's worth a try," Shinra said.

Kasuka looked to Celty and then back to the syringes. "Did you test it at all?"

"Yagiri-san did," he explained. "She said the results varied greatly."

The actor looked bothered by this statement and inquired, "Just how varied are they?"

"Um," the doctor paused and looked to Celty for reassurance. "It's really life or death..."

"Kishitani-san, why are you telling me this?" Kasuka finally asked. "Nii-san is old enough to make his own decisions, so why are you telling me this and asking for my permission to use this drug?"

"It's because of Izaya..." Shinra guiltily admitted.

"Orihara-san? What does he have to do with anything?" Kasuka demanded. It was bad enough that Shizuo chose to live with Izaya, but now the informant was making medical decisions for him?!

"As you already know, Izaya and Shizuo-kun are inseparable," Shinra hastily explained. "You know as well as I do that he's not fit to make decisions for Shizuo, so that's why I'm telling you. Izaya... He means best, but he'll push for Shizuo to use this and Shizuo wouldn't have a choice."

Kasuka seemed to have found the reason acceptable since he didn't comment further on it. Instead, he carefully picked up one of the syringes to examine the liquid in it. "What is this exactly? I've never seen anything like it before."

"It's Celty's blood!" Shinra exclaimed proudly to which Celty immediately jabbed him in the ribs angrily. The sudden change in mood was probably a little bit inappropriate.

"Celty-san?" Kasuka repeated, looking at her with an almost horrified look. "How is that supposed to help Nii-san?!" No wonder there were greatly varying results! They were dealing with the supernatural.

"Celty doesn't get sick, and she recovers fast from all of her injuries," Shinra reasoned. Hesitantly, he added, "What about Hijiribe Ruri? She's part Dullahan. This medicine could make Shizuo physically stronger, and thus able to recover from this disease."

Kasuka almost looked offended that Shinra would dare bring up Ruri, but deep down, he knew that this was probably the only miracle cure that could ever save his brother. "Alright," he relented, giving the Underground Doctor his permission to treat his brother. "But, don't tell Shizuo that this is meant to be a cure. If it doesn't work, it'll break his heart."

* * *

><p>"What is this exactly?" Shizuo asked Shinra during his next scheduled check-up.<p>

"New medicine," Shinra answered vaguely. "It's just easier to deliver this way."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Izaya demanded, suspicious of this new medicine.

"It's just one less pill for him to take. He's already taking four a day, so I think it would be best to deliver this one via intravenous therapy, an IV. He doesn't have to take it every day. Just once a week," Shinra explained.

"Sounds good," Shizuo answered. "Kasuka, what do you think?"

"I think it's a good idea," he answered.

"What's in it?" Izaya questioned, unsure if he should be suspicious or not.

"It's just fluids that will help regulate and correct Shizuo-kun's electrolyte imbalances," Shinra fibbed.

"Izaya, it's fine. I'll take it," Shizuo said, offering Shinra his arm.

Shinra nodded, and took hold of Shizuo's arm to inject him with the medicine. "Alright, you're good to go, so just come back next week. By the way, you're doing well, considering…"

"Thanks," Shizuo replied and after getting a refill on his prescriptions, he left with Izaya and Kasuka.

For the next two weeks, Shizuo met with Shinra for his weekly check-ups and "electrolyte" injections. There was a drastic improvement in Shizuo's health after receiving three out of the five injections. His stamina had improved and he seemed to be growing stronger again and almost seemed normal again. This sudden enhancement in his health also improved both Shizuo's and Izaya's lives, with Shizuo becoming happier and Izaya's work becoming more bearable. It really was a miracle.

However, Izaya, being the realist (read: pessimist) he was, ambushed Shinra, demanding to know what was it that he had given Shizuo. "I'm not stupid. Shizu-chan's sudden improvement started after you gave him those injections. What were they?"

"I told you already, it was just medicine to regulate and correct Shizuo's electrolyte imbalance," Shinra replied quickly, now trying to get rid of Izaya.

"Bullshit! Shizu-chan didn't have anything wrong with his electrolytes to begin with!" Izaya snapped. "What did you give him?"

"Exactly what I just told you! I'm not lying to you, Izaya!" Shinra insisted, backing away.

"Shizu-chan's _not _a science experiment!" Izaya said darkly, suddenly seizing Shinra by the front of his labcoat. Celty, returning home at that second, panicked and suddenly used her shadows to pull Izaya off of him. "Sorry, excuse me," Izaya muttered, gathering himself together. He pulled away from Celty and Shinra and quickly ran from the apartment.

Once a block away, Izaya smirked to himself and retrieved the metal box containing the syringes from his pocket. He had swiped them from Shinra when he supposedly lost it and had to be pulled off the doctor. He carefully examined the two remaining syringes and then called his trusty secretary, knowing that he'd need her scientific knowledge to find out what this mystery miracle drug.

Namie, expecting to have Izaya make her do something stupid, couldn't wipe the shock from her expression in time upon seeing the familiar metal box. "Kishitani-sensei_gave_that to you?" she asked with an almost horrified look.

"No, I stole them from him," Izaya clarified, now realizing that something was very wrong. "Namie, what do you know about this?"

"I know… everything…" Namie reluctantly admitted. "I helped Kishitani-sensei make them." She suddenly realized the impending issue, and asked, "How is Heiwajima-san?"

"Shizu-chan's fine…" he answered with suspicion. "Namie, what's in the drug?" he asked, starting to go pale.

Namie looked down, wondering if she should Izaya what was really in it. "Celty's in it," she confessed. "Her blood or her flesh. She didn't give me much to work with, and I had to make do."

"Is this dangerous at all?" Izaya asked, dreading the answer as he looked at the two remaining syringes.

"I didn't think it was ready, but Kishitani-sensei said it would be alright," Namie answered quietly. "The results were varied, and you said that he's doing fine, so maybe he will get better."

"But you don't think so," Izaya clarified.

"No, I don't."

"Why not?"

"The medication was supposed to make Heiwajima-san better. It was designed to make his cells stronger, and thus be able to function better, so in sense, repair the damage the disease has done on him. But... it can't cure his disease so while the medication makes him stronger, that disease is still tearing him down. He's already weak to begin with so this is putting a great strain on his body, and if I'm right, he'll end up deteriorating faster than ever," Namie explained.

"But, there is a chance that it worked, right? And that it can hold off his disease until we can find a real cure?" Izaya asked.

Namie nodded slowly. "But it's such a small chance. 5% at the most."

"But... it's still a chance. He'll make it. I know he will," Izaya nodded. "Shizu-chan's a fighter."

Namie closed the lid of the box and pushed it back towards him. "Please don't give him anymore."

"I'll think about it."

* * *

><p>When Izaya returned home, he made sure to discreetly hide the two syringes in his book case and then checked over Shizuo who really was making a miraculous recovery. He wondered if he should mention what he had learned from Namie, but decided against it, fearing that any new results would just be caused by the placebo effect.<p>

Izaya glanced to Shizuo, who was lounging on the couch and listening to the television. He was practically glowing and looked so much better since taking the medication. "Hey, Shizu-chan, you look good today."

"I feel good today," Shizuo responded with a grin. "Almost like before," he added wistfully. Hehad thoughts and childish wishes of a sudden miraculous recovery and imagined what it would be like if he could really be with Izaya. "It's almost like a miracle," he slyly commented.

Izaya chuckled lightly at that, knowing that deep down, he was wishing for the same. "If it was, what would you do?"

"I'd make you keep your promise," he replied, referring to the cherry blossoms.

"I wouldn't have it any other way," Izaya sighed, as he sat down next to Shizuo on the couch. He gently nudged Shizuo so he was leaning on him.

"Still kinda tired though," Shizuo admitted quietly, almost like he was in a daze. "I still wear out too easily."

"Shizu-chan!" Izaya suddenly screeched.

"What's happening?" Shizuo answered calmly, still dazed. He could feel something dripping from his face and trembling fingers, slowly reached up and touched his face, gasping softly at the wet feeling of blood. "Izaya?"

"It's just a nose bleed. You're going to be fine," Izaya said, forcing himself to calm down for Shizuo's sake. "Let me just get you some tissues and you'll be fine."

Shizuo nodded weekly, and pinched his nose, hoping to stave the blood flow. "Izaya?" he called out, and then began coughing.

When Izaya returned, he froze in shock at the sight of Shizuo's face dripping with blood. "Oh God," he breathed, practically throwing himself on him, desperate to stop all the bleeding from Shizuo's nose, and now mouth.

"It's not working," Izaya thought out-loud, more to himself than anything.

Shizuo, a bit more perceptive than Izaya realized, frowned and angrily demanded, "What do you mean 'it's not working'?!"

"You're going to be fine," Izaya reassured him, too focused on stopping the bleeding than anything else.

"Damn it, Izaya! What did you do?!" Shizuo roared, suddenly pushing Izaya off of him.

"It wasn't me!" Izaya shouted back, near tears. "It was supposed to be a miracle cure and it was working at first and I thought you really were getting better, and I don't know, I'm stupid and thought maybe there really was a chance that we could be together."

"The needles," Shizuo realized.

"I had nothing to do with it! It was Shinra. It was all Shinra," Izaya exclaimed. "He shouldn't have even given it to you without permission... Oh my God, Kasuka," he suddenly realized. "He gave Shinra permission to give it to you."

"Don't you dare drag my brother into this!" Shizuo snapped, and began coughing up blood again.

"I'm sorry," Izaya pleaded. "I knew something was wrong. I should have told you after speaking with Namie."

"Izaya," he whispered quietly.

"No, please, I'm sorry!" Izaya said desperately, cutting Shizuo off.

"Izaya?" Shizuo whispered again, voice growing more quiet. His hands slipped from his bleeding face and numbly clung to his chest. "I think... I'm having a heart attack..."

"You're going to be fine," Izaya said, trying to force himself to stay calm. "Just stay alive while I call an ambulance!" he sputtered, grabbing his phone.

"I'll try," Shizuo grimaced humorlessly as intense pain exploded in his chest.

Izaya was practically shouting into the phone for an ambulance while jamming tissues into Shizuo's face, soaking up all the blood. The paramedics arrived twenty minutes later and loaded Shizuo into the ambulance while Izaya called up and Namie. Never again would he trust Shinra.

Shizuo was immediately hooked up to a heart monitor and given a large dose of morphine to ease the pain his chest. An IV was placed into his arm and the health care team gave him oxygen to make his heart work less. Thankfully, Shizuo stopped bleeding from his face and eventually passed out from the strain on his ailing body.

When he woke up, he was in the emergency room with Izaya and Namie at his side. "That had to be one of the worst moments in my life," Shizuo admitted, still struggling to breathe as he alerted them of his consciousness.

"I know, I'm sorry. I wish I could do more to help you or just do something to stop the pain," Izaya answered sadly, reaching for Shizuo's hand and gently tracing over his knuckles.

Izaya's words suddenly prickled an idea that Shizuo had been considering for ages now. "Yagiri-san, do you mind?" he asked and Namie nodded, leaving to give the two more privacy. "It's only going to get worse from here," he started hesitantly, knowing that bringing up this idea would require the utmost care, sensitivity and not to mention, right timing.

"We can maybe up your meds," Izaya suggested, thinking of ways to make Shizuo more comfortable.

"I think there's a better way than that," he said, starting to fidget with Izaya's fingers.

"What?" he responded, open to just about anything at the moment.

Shizuo leaned in and quietly asked, "What do you think about assisted suicide?"

Well, anything except for _that_.


	14. Chapter 14

**Disclaimer: I don't own Durarara!****  
><strong>**Desperate Housewives opening and I have a few John Green quotes tossed here and there!****  
><strong>**Next chapter (15) will be the last one.**

**Suggested Song: Hear You Me by Jimmy Eat World**

* * *

><p>There comes a moment when our lives change forever. The moment we admit our weaknesses, the moment we rise to a challenge, the moment we accept a sacrifice, or let a loved one go. And sometimes the change in our lives is an answer to our prayers.<p>

Time stood still in those long moments as Izaya's brain tried to comprehend the request that Shizuo had just asked of him. The ever-eloquent informant had been rendered speechless and could only stare at his partner with a dumbfounded look as Shizuo stared back with unwavering sincerity over his request.

"Well?" Shizuo pushed, refusing to take back his words. Izaya continued to stare at him wordlessly, mouth agape, as his brain was still trying to process what was happening. "Answer me!" he snapped.

"You're insane," Izaya choked out, unable to raise his voice at such an absurd request.

"Does that mean you won't do it?" Shizuo asked, for clarification's sake.

"Of course that means I won't do it!" Izaya barked, finally coming to his senses. "You've done _many_ stupid things in your life, but this just takes the cake. How could you ask something like that of me? No, how _dare _you ask me to end the life that I've been so desperately trying to save?!"

"It's only going to get worse from here," Shizuo reasoned, sadly. "I don't know if I can take this anymore. I just want it all to end."

"Please don't," Izaya begged, practically collapsing onto his knees as his head hung low. "You keep asking too much of me. You're becoming selfish."

"I just want to die on my terms," he pleaded. "I just thought that if anyone would help me, it would be you."

"You thought wrong," he answered bitterly.

"I'm sorry," Shizuo apologized, not wanting to fight. "It was wrong of me to ask you to do such a thing. Please don't tell Kasuka."

"You're not going to ask Shinra or Namie to kill you, are you?" Izaya asked skeptically, worrying for Shizuo's sanity. It was only a matter of time before this disease would affect Shizuo's mental state, and Izaya couldn't help but wonder if these sudden suicidal tendencies were a result of it.

"No," Shizuo said firmly. "They would have said no. I just thought you were detached enough to do it."

"Maybe if it were somebody else," Izaya sighed.

"Have you called Kasuka or Shinra?" Shizuo asked, glancing to the door.

"No, it slipped my mind," Izaya lied.

"You remembered to call Yagiri-san," Shizuo pointed out. "And I don't even know her."

"I don't want to call them," the informant sighed. "They did this to you. _I _did this to you."

"You have to forgive them. They were desperate, just like you were. It's not any different."

"I wish they were just upfront about this," Izaya sighed, frustratedly running a hand through his mussed hair.

"Call them, please," Shizuo begged. "At least call Kasuka. Don't make him hate you any more than he already does."

"Okay, I'm sorry," Izaya sighed, excusing himself to make the calls. There was no surprise that Kasuka was furious with him and he immediately dropped whatever work he was doing to rush into the hospital. Shinra was also furious, having been temporarily replaced by Namie, and angrily snapped about how he was more competent than all the doctors in the hospital before hanging up and arriving with Celty.

"Hey," Shizuo greeted, hearing the familiar footsteps of the Underground Doctor and his headless companion. He was relieved, also believing that Shinra was the best doctor in Ikebukuro.

"Hey, are you feeling alright?" Shinra asked with Celty at his side. She texted him the same question, using her talking app, and also apologized for her part in the incident.

"I'm really tired, but I think I'll be alright," Shizuo sighed. "When do you think I can leave the hospital?" He was ready to leave and so tired of the repetitive cycle of checking out and having hope, only to be readmitted with even worse symptoms.

"You won't be able to this time..." Shinra said quietly.

Shizuo's expression faded into one of defeat when he realized what that meant. "Any day now?"

"Any day now," Shinra confirmed sadly. "I'm sorry. It's my fault that this happened to you."

"That thing you gave me?" he clarified.

"Yes," the doctor answered, nodding his head. "It was meant to repair the damage on your body, but the disease kept making you deteriorate. It was... a disaster. We're lucky that you didn't go into shock and die from that."

Shizuo stared at him wordlessly, knowing that the Shinra had acted on his emotions as a friend and had tried to save him. It was a desperate last act, just like Izaya had done. "Is it going to hurt when I die?"

"I don't think so," he answered. "It'll be like falling asleep."

"That's what they _all _say. Tell me what's going to happen. I want to know."

"Your organs will start failing one by one and your body will shut down. You'll grow tired and weaker, and you really will just fall asleep," Shinra assured him. "I really don't think it's going to hurt." Trying to lighten the mood a bit, he added, "Why would you worry about the pain? You're used to it, aren't you?"

"Yeah, I am..." he replied quietly. "I just... I didn't think it would be this soon."

"It's almost been a year. What did you expect?"

"A year's already passed?" Shizuo asked incredulously, surprised at how time had gone by so fast. It felt like just yesterday that he had been given an expiration date and Izaya was so desperate to make it up to him. Guilt swelled in his heart as he immediately regretted all the time he had wasted with the informant thanks to his own stubbornness and tenacity.

"I can't believe it either," Shinra admitted. "Time goes by too fast."

"And it'll keep going, even when I'm gone..." Shizuo thought to himself sadly.

Kasuka was the next to arrive, and out of breath, he had asked for some privacy with his brother. "I got here as fast as I could," he breathed.

"I see that," Shizuo replied lightly, hearing his brother trying to catch his breath. "I wouldn't have called if I knew you were busy."

"Nonsense," the actor reprimanded. "You've taken care of me all your life. It's my turn now. When are you able to check out?"

"Shinra said it's very unlikely that I'll be able leave here," he answered. "It turns out that those drugs did more damage than helped."

Kasuka stared at him with a shocked look. "What?" he stammered weakly.

His brother's disturbed reaction completely went over his head as Shizuo continued on. "You better call Mom and Dad. It would kill them if they weren't around—"

"I killed you," Kasuka interrupted suddenly.

Shizuo stared at his little brother with a puzzled look. "What?"

"It's my fault. I gave Kishitani-san permission to use it on you. I killed you," his brother whispered, face turning white.

"Kasuka," Shizuo said, reaching out for his brother in an attempt to stop whatever breakdown Kasuka was about to go through. "It's okay. It's not like it took that much off my life."

"How can you not hate me?" he demanded, still appalled by his actions and mostly, himself.

"I'm dying. You were desperate to save me. It was worth a chance," Shizuo said slowly, hoping to calm his brother. "I don't get why you and Shinra didn't just tell me in the first place."

"It's not exactly FDA-approved..."

"I would have done the same, if it was you," Shizuo commented. "Please don't beat yourself up over this." Kasuka bit his lip, trying to stop himself from shedding tears and when Shizuo heard the catch in his breath, he pulled his little brother into a tight embrace. "It's okay," he said with brotherly instinct taking over.

"I'm not going to be a brother anymore..." Kasuka murmured at the realization he would soon become an only child.

"Yeah, guess not," Shizuo answered wryly. "You're going to be okay, though. You'll get all of Mom and Dad's attention, though that's not really going to be a big change."

"They were always fussing over you when you were little since you were always prone to accidents," Kasuka reminded him. "You were always the center of attention with all your injuries."

"How come... you weren't scared of me back then?" Shizuo asked, recalling how calm his brother had always been.

"You're my brother. You wouldn't hurt me," Kasuka answered with a shrug. "Even when I ate your pudding, I knew you wouldn't really hit me with the fridge."

"Haha, I see," Shizuo chuckled, surprised at how much faith Kasuka put in him. "You had to have been scared just a little bit."

"Nope," Kasuka replied, just like when they were young and the question had first been brought up. "I remember getting lost one night, and you had run out to find me. You didn't know how to get back home, and we had to wait for Tou-san to find us, but I knew you'd always look out for me since then."

"Nah, you're the one who's always looking out for me," Shizuo replied. "When I'm gone, look after Izaya for me, alright?" Seeing that his brother was about to viciously refuse his request, he quickly added, "Please. I know you hate him, but I'm worried about him. I'm afraid of what he'll do after I... after I leave. Please promise me you'll look after Izaya."

"Okay, I promise," Kasuka sighed, unable to refuse his dying brother.

"Are you going to have to return to your job? What are filming now, anyways?"

"Nothing, I dropped the project," the actor replied.

Shizuo looked at him with surprise and disappointment. "You didn't have to do that..."

"I'm on leave. I made my publicist understand and he won't bother me until I'm ready to go back to acting," Kasuka stated. "I'm staying with you, too, until the end," he said, reiterating the same promise that Shizuo and Izaya made.

* * *

><p>Much to everyone's relief, Shizuo made it through the first night, and the second, but on the third, his body was finally showing the effects of his deterioration. "It could be tonight," Shinra said to a somber group. "You'd better start planning your good-byes."<p>

"You go, Orihara-san. I've already spent the whole day with him," Kasuka said kindly to Izaya. The informant looked at the actor with surprise. He knew it was only because of Shizuo that Kasuka was playing nice, and the actor hid his irritation and spite rather well.

"Thanks, Kasuka-kun," Iaya murmured and headed into the room for his last moments with his love. "Hey," he said quietly. "Shinra said—"

"I know," Shizuo answered quietly. It hurt Izaya to see the Fortissimo of Ikebukuro like this. It was like they weren't even the same person. Shizuo, who had been so strong and full of life, had been reduced to nothing but a living corpse that was still withering away. "Izaya... I don't want you to be here when _it _happens," Shizuo confessed quietly in a hushed whisper.

"Stupid, I told you I'd be with you until the end," Izaya answered, fingers curling around Shizuo's. "You realize that trying to keep your distance from me will not lessen my affection for you. All efforts to save me from you will fail. We made a promise, didn't we? That we'd be together until the end. It's the only one we'll be able to keep and yet, you're so cruel asking me to break it."

"You're going to watch the cherry blossoms for me next year, right?" he reminded the informant while thinking of those distant days when they made a promise they couldn't keep.

"I don't know if I could do that," Izaya answered bitterly. Watching the cherry blossoms without Shizhuo meant that he was moving on, and he wasn't sure if he could even do that.

"We _promised_."

"Some people don't understand the promises they're making when they first make them," Izaya replied flatly.

"You should keep the promise anyways," Shizuo said after thoughtfully coming up with a response that could soothe Izaya's pain. "That's what love is. Love is keeping the promise anyways."

"Since when did you become such a romantic?" Izaya teased. "I... just wish we had more time together. I know it doesn't matter now, but it just went by too damn fast."

"But we did get more time. My wish came true," Shizuo answered, tightening his trembling fingers around Izaya's.

"Your wish to the Gods?" Izaya asked, recalling that day at the temple. He lifted Shizuo's fingers to his lips, wincing at their cold temperature, and kissed them, trying to bring back warmth—and life—back into them.

"I wished that I could stay with you just for a little longer when it mattered most. I got to have one more day with you. I was supposed to die, but I'm still here," Shizuo explained sadly. "So because those 'stupid' Gods granted my wish, you have to go watch the cherry blossoms next year."

"Even on your deathbed, you're still such a stubborn and persistent protozoan."

"And you're still an annoying flea." With a sigh, he leaned back against the pillows, eyes sliding closed, and dreamily asked, "Do you think it's beautiful over there?"

"You should rest," Izaya whispered, trying to keep his voice from cracking. "I'll see you in the morning," he added, making one last promise that couldn't be kept.

"Mhmm," Shizuo hummed contently. "Love you..."

"I love you, too, Shizuo," he answered, and held his hand until he had drifted off peacefully.

Kasuka returned to the room, and glanced at his sleeping brother before sitting down in an empty chair. "Orihara-san... Thank you."

"What for?" Izaya answered, confused by the actor's words. Whatever Kasuka was thanking him for must have taken a lot for him to get past his pride and actually try and make amends with the informant.

"You made Nii-san really happy, even until his last moments... If it wasn't for you, I'm sure he'd be depressed and in misery."

"He's not gone yet, Kasuka-kun," Izaya pointed out wryly.

Kasuka smiled weakly at Izaya's words, finally seeing the change that Shizuo had brought out in him. If he were his old self, Izaya would have been realistic, no doubt, instead of hopeful. "Yeah, he's not gone yet," the actor agreed.

Shizuo's disease shut down his heart three hours later and though Izaya been expecting it, he had broken down when he realized that Shizuo really wasn't going to keep even the most simplest of promises.

"Shizu-chan, no," Izaya pleaded as his heart filled with a horrid pain. "God damn it! Wake up!" he begged, shaking Shizuo's shoulder. "Don't leave me just yet. Wake up, please!"

Shinra and Celty, overhearing the commotion Izaya was making, hurried into the hospital room, and Kasuka, roused from his sleep, could only stare in horror at his brother's lifeless body. Celty, knowing it would be best for Izaya, used her shadows to pull him away from Shizuo.

"No! I have to be at his side when he wakes up. We promised!" he begged, fighting back weakly.

"Enough," Shinra reprimanded firmly as he helped Celty get Izaya away from Shizuo so he could confirm his friend's death.

"Shinra, save him, I know you can," Izaya exclaimed hysterically, starting to lose all the rational sense in him. "He's going to be okay, right? You're going to make him better. I know you will..."

The sound of violent sobbing suddenly cleared Izaya's mind and it took him a second to realize that it wasn't him. Kasuka, on his knees and hugging himself, cried loudly as his brother's death finally hit him. "I'm not a brother anymore," he said hoarsely. "Don't make this any worse, Orihara-san. I'm begging you."

Izaya collapsed onto the floor in front of Kasuka and suddenly embraced him, holding him as they watched Shinra's failed attempts to resuscitate Shizuo. After getting no response, Shinra sadly pronounced Shizuo's time of death and then dropped into the nearest chair as he buried his face into the palm of his hands.

As Izaya sat there, on the cold floor, holding a sobbing Kasuka and listening to the continuous one-tone beep of the heart monitor, he finally got a good look at Shizuo. He looked like he was simply asleep, face gone white and ashen, but most of all, he looked peaceful, finally free of the disease that tormented him for the past year. Izaya thought of some of Shizuo's last words and though he didn't know where 'there' was, he did believe that it was somewhere, and for Shizuo's sake, he hoped it was beautiful.


	15. Chapter 15

**Disclaimer: I don't own Durarara!**

**Last part guys.  
><strong>**Desperate Housewives opening, and lines from John Green and Makoto Shinkai here and there.  
><strong>**And… I just couldn't do Shiki… sorry.**

**Suggested Song: Inevitable by Anberlin or Byousoku 5 Centimeter's End Theme.**

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><p>As much as death takes from us, it also gives. It teaches us what is truly important, like giving back after a lifetime of taking, going after something we should have never let go of, or looking on to what made us who we are.<p>

It rained during Shizuo's funeral. He was buried in Hokkaido, under a cherry blossom tree, and despite the distance, every one of his acquaintances from Ikebukuro took the long train ride to attend and offer their condolences to the grieving family.

Heiwajima Hirai was an uncontrollable wreck as she sobbed into Kasuka's shoulder. The umbrella she had been carrying had fallen to the ground, forgotten, as she clung to her last remaining son as if the wind could just pick him up and steal him away from her. At a much lesser extent compared to his mother, Kasuka was also a wreck, shoulders shacking as he cried openly in front of everyone. He held his mother to him, assuring her that he was still here and he wouldn't be leaving anytime soon. To Izaya's surprise, it was Yukito who managed to keep his emotions in check and hold everything together as he held his umbrella over his broken family.

Yukito's eyes met Izaya's briefly and he had even kindly motioned for him to sit with his family, but Izaya found himself unable to do so and shied away, choosing to grieve alone. He clenched his teeth, balled his hands into fists, and stared up blankly at the sky, holding back his tears and his grief.

This would be the last time Izaya would ever see Shizuo. He knew it, and his eyes watered at the thought of never being able to see Shizuo smile again, or hear his laugh, or feel the warmth of his body next to his. He was truly alone now.

When the funeral had ended, Izaya had left and returned to mourn in the safety and solitude of his office where nobody could reach him. It was like the time when Kasuka had been so vague and led him on to believe that Shizuo had passed, only now, it was a million times worse because Shizuo was really gone in this reality and Izaya had actually dared to fall in love with him.

Izaya had felt so alone at the loss of Shizuo. Since falling for Shizuo, he knew that each day with Shizuo could have been his last, and as each day passed, he had tried to make his heart harder and colder to prepare himself for this dreaded day. Yet… he hadn't expected it to be this _painful_. All Izaya felt was an intense, heartfelt pain, and he knew this was nothing compared to Shizuo's last moments.

Living alone, the nights seemed to last forever. When Izaya found that he couldn't pass the time effectively, he would go to a nearby train station and pretended to wait for someone. As people passed him, he knew that the world had moved on, and once again, he was stuck in the past, unable to move forward. It was as if… he was the only one left in the world, thinking of those distant days where he and Shizuo made a promise they couldn't keep.

Izaya thought of his old self, and how he had been obsessed with leaving a mark on the world. Bequeathing a legacy. Outlasting death. He wanted to be remembered, and he had thought he would accomplish it with Shizuo of all people. But in the end, Shizuo had become another unremembered casualty in the eternal war against disease.

Time was passed much too slowly for Izaya's liking and it was then, when he was watching the clocks tick, that he realized that until he had met Shizuo, he never knew how precious each day could have been. His time with Shizuo, that one year, had just flown by, and he so desperately wished that he could have just one more day with him.

_"But we did..."_

Izaya could hear Shizuo's soft voice in his head reminding him that they did get one more day together because the Gods really were listening and felt pity for them.

It must have been a month by the time Namie decided that Izaya needed to suck it up and actually move on. She had let herself into his apartment one early morning and pulled open the all the blinds to let the bright sunshine into his dump of a home. Thankfully, Izaya wasn't a complete slob this time. A few things were out of place, but at least it was acceptable.

"Wake up," Namie said sternly. Izaya groaned in response, curling beneath the covers to block out the sunlight. She immediately tugged the covers off of him and froze when she saw that he was clinging to one of Shizuo's shirts.

"I don't want to," Izaya answered stubbornly as he blindly reached out to pull his covers back to him. "Why do you care anyways?"

"You're still my boss and this extended vacation of yours means no work, which means that I don't get paid," she answered harshly, refusing to show that she actually cared for her employer. "Heiwajima-san wouldn't want this..." she added quietly, hesitantly.

"Shizu-chan doesn't have the right to ask me to move on so quickly. I'm taking my time," Izaya persisted.

"Shiki-sama isn't happy about this," Namie commented, hoping the pending consequences would be enough to get Izaya to snap out of it.

"Shiki-sama has the resources to find another informant. He's already made it very clear that I'm expendable," he responded.

Defeated, Namie left Izaya alone for the day, deciding that she would need to rethink her tactics. She took it upon herself to tidy up his apartment and office—she was his secretary, after all—and continued to pester Izaya to get up from bed. He did finally get out of bed when he realized she was putting his things in place and he had shouted at her to leave them where she had found them. It was much later that Namie realized that Izaya had never put those things back because they were the last things Shizuo had touched.

After a week, Namie announced that Izaya had a client who wanted to meet with him and told him to make himself presentable. She urged him to cut his hair and shave, which Izaya did against his will, but on the day of the meeting, he had never shown up and she found him back at his apartment trying to figure out how to make his hot plate work for hotpot.

Namie was relentless however and continued trying to get Izaya to see this client—who he figured was Shiki—but he wasn't in the mood and denied her each time. Namie had practically _begged_ him to meet her client, stressing just how important he was, but Izaya eloquently pointed out that her client couldn't have been _that_important if he was still stubbornly trying to get a meeting in with him.

One evening, Izaya sat out on his balcony and watched the sun lazily take its time to set, and he thought of Shizuo's naïve wish to be able to take his time. Even now, after everything that had happened, Izaya still did not regret falling in love with Shizuo and forcing his way into his life. He knew he owed it to Shizuo to at least try and move on, but just like the sunset, he would take his time doing so.

There was a sharp knocking at the glass door and Izaya let out a frustrated sigh and glanced back to an equally irritated Namie. "Your client is here," she said coldly.

"What client?" he asked, feigning confusion.

She glared at him, irritated by the fact that he still hadn't gotten over Shizuo's death and had decided to make her life as difficult as possible. "The persistent one you keep declining. He's back again, so this time, I've brought him to you."

Izaya exhaled sharply and seriously considered jumping off his balcony just to avoid this stubborn client. "Alright, fine, but just this once," he said warningly as he headed back into his apartment. "How many times has it been now?"

"I think that's eight," Heiwajima Yukito answered, waving from behind Namie. "It's nice to see you again, Izaya-kun."

"Heiwajima-san?" Izaya blinked in surprise when he was face to face with Shizuo's father. "What are you doing so far away from Hokkaido?" he asked, waving Namie to leave them alone. "I would have seen you right away if I had known it was you." He shot a glare at Namie, wondering why on earth she left out the important detail of his client's name.

"It's fine; this is probably your only way of venting," Yukito replied with a small smile as he held out a box for Izaya to take. "I don't want to waste your time, so I'll be quick. Shizuo-kun left this for you with Kasuka-kun. He's working again so he asked me to deliver it in his place."

"You could have mailed it," Izaya pointed out, looking at the box hesitantly, unsure if he wanted to open it along with his bottled up emotions.

"I could have, but I think Shizuo-kun would have wanted me to deliver it in person," he replied nonchalantly. "You're a hard person to get a hold of."

"Sorry, I was avoiding somebody," Izaya apologized again, still looking at the box warily. "How is your wife?" he hesitantly added, knowing that the last time he had seen her was when she had seemingly lost her mind at her son's funeral.

"She's doing much better now," Yukito answered. "You know, Izaya-kun, if you ever need anybody to talk to, you're always free to call me or just stop by Hokkaido anytime you'd like. You're always welcome in our home."

"Thanks, but no thanks, I think I'll be able to manage from here," he replied, trying to keep a good swath of distance between himself and the family that he never knew he wanted. "Thanks for bringing this by personally," he added, trying to dismiss him as politely as he could. "Do you need anything to make your stay in Ikebukuro any better?"

"No, I'm good, thank you," he answered heartily. "To be honest, I came back with Kasuka last week. He's thrown himself into his work so he doesn't have to think about his brother... It's his only way of coping. If he stops, he'll fall apart again, and he doesn't want that which is why he asked me to give this to you in his place."

"No, it's fine," Izaya said. "Thank you very much and have a safe trip home."

"Thank you, for what you did for Shizuo-kun," Yukito added gratefully. "He... was so defeated when he came home to me. You made him want to live again, even if it was just for a little bit. Thank you."

"Please stay a little bit longer," Izaya sighed, just wanting to talk to somebody about Shizuo's death. Of course, the first person he'd want to talk to about Shizuo's death was Shizuo himself, but Yukito could be an okay replacement. With a kind smile, Yukito obliged, and helped Izaya make tea as they recalled their favorite memories of Shizuo.

The box remained untouched on Izaya's desk for the rest of the evening as Yukito knew that whatever was in there was meant for Izaya's eyes only. It remained unopened even after it grew late and Yukito left and Izaya glared it, willing for it to open itself. He didn't know if he had the emotional stability to see what was inside without breaking down. Shaking his head, he decided he would deal with it later and turned in for the night. After rolling around in bed for hours, unable to sleep, Izaya finally gave in and snatched the box up off his desk and sat down onto the floor as all the feelings in his legs went numb and he was unable to keep standing.

Fingers shaking, Izaya hesitantly lifted the lid, feeling oddly like Pandora as he hesitantly peered inside. His breath hitched in his throat and his eyes burned as he realized that the contents were all memories. Without another thought, Izaya dumped everything onto the carpet and began combing through the things Shizuo left him. The Himeji Castle magnet souvenir was among the trinkets as well as pressed cherry blossoms. Izaya's chest tightened when he realized that everything in the box was memories from their trip.

As Izaya took the pieces out one by one, post cards and special food wrappers, he felt so hollow inside, knowing that the pleasure of remembering had been taken from him. There was no longer anyone to remember with and thus, the memory itself would be lost, as if all the things he and Shizuo had done were less real and less important than they had been one year ago.

When there was only one item remaining in the box, Izaya had to take a deep breath before reaching for it. It was a stark white envelope, sealed with a heart sticker, as if it was a love letter. Fingers shaking, Izaya tore open the envelope and had to pause before reading it, knowing that this would become a brutal reminiscence of memories he wasn't sure if was prepared to face.

_Izaya/Nakura-san,  
>If you're reading this... then that means I'm already... dead. That's right... I'm not in this world anymore. Izaya, I wonder if you'll forget about me one day. We are so far apart, but maybe thoughts can overcome time and distance. Have you ever thought about something like that? If for even one instant, something like that could happen, what would you think? I'm okay. That's all I'm thinking, and it's all thanks to you. I love you, Izaya, and though I won't be able to live with you, as long as we share the same dream, the same hope, we'll be together forever.<br>You made me feel so many things I never thought a monster like me was capable of and for that, I'm eternally grateful. You will forever be my first and last love, and I wish I could have been the same for you, but please promise me that you will move on. I know you. You're probably hiding out in your stupid office, trying to close off your heart to the world, but I want you to move on. Don't make me your last your love. I want you to have so many more after me until you find your true last love.  
>Yours eternally,<br>Shizuo/Oto-chan._

"Even when you're dead, you're still asking impossible things of me," Izaya whispered, reading over the words over and over again until he couldn't tell whether the ink had been smudged because of Shizuo's tears or his own.

Izaya, who had such a vast life ahead of him, a boundless amount of time that lay unavoidably stretched out in front of him, knew that he had to live for Shizuo who had been robbed of his time. He had to live and experience all of the limitless possibilities in life for Shizuo and himself.

When the next morning came, Namie was surprised to see Izaya up and about. The misplaced items in his apartment were finally returned to their rightful place and he was cooking breakfast. For _her_. As he smiled and wordlessly handed her a plate of food, she caught sight of the sadness in his eyes and how forced his smile was. He hadn't really recovered, but at least he was trying.

With a smile, she accepted the plate and commented, "It's going to be a good day, isn't it?"

"Yeah, it is," Izaya answered and handed her a mug of coffee to go with along with her food.

By the time the next cherry blossom season came in, Izaya's smile was less fake and most of the sadness had faded from his eyes. As promised, he would attend, without Shizuo, and move on.

"Five centimeters per second, huh?" Izaya murmured sadly as he reached out and caught a pale petal in the palm of his hand. "I didn't realize you were such a know-it-all, Shizu-chan," he laughed bitterly as he let the petal fly away. "It's pretty here, isn't it? Way better than Sapporo." His fingers tightened around the white ribbon that kept a carmine balloon from flying away. "It took me forever to find this so you better appreciate it! It's the color of my eyes so you can't forget anymore." He had neatly written_I LOVE YOU _on the balloon with a black marker and began untwining the ribbon from his hand. "I hate that you left me behind. Don't you know that I'm needy and desperate for attention? And I hate that you even made me promise to let you go and move on. Lucky for you, I don't break my promises!"

Taking a deep breath, he let the ribbon slip through his fingers and watched as the balloon fly away and this time, for real, Shizuo was dead and he was letting him go.

"Good-bye, Shizu-chan. I love you."

Pocketing his hands, Izaya leaned back into the shade of the cherry trees and watched as the red balloon soared up into the sky until it was out of sight. He thought of the memories he and Shizuo had made, and that exactly one year ago, he had stood with Shizuo in a blizzard of white petals. It had really been a _perfect _day and he would forever treasure the memory that would never be tarnished.

Izaya turned away from the park, deciding it was finally time to go home and move on as he had promised Shizuo. He had chosen to take the long way home to pass the bakery and caught sight of Shinkei Kurumi cleaning the windows to her store with a sad look on her face. Izaya owed it to Shizuo to stop by and speak to her one day; after all, she had been the one to change Shizuo for the better.

The train crossing's warning sound and light began to go off, and Izaya hurried to cross it, not wanting to get caught and forced to wait. At the same time, a blond in an ornate blue kimono was coming from the opposite direction, hurrying to cross as well. When they brushed past each other, Izaya froze.

As he turned around to look back, he could see that the blond had stopped as well, and was slowly turning around, too. The passing train suddenly cut off their view before the two of them could make eye contact and Izaya stood there, feeling numb and anxious as a familiar feeling settled over him.

He could have sworn he had just seen a ghost, and he wondered just what he could possibly say to this man after the barrier between them was gone. He could have started off with a simple greeting, but somehow, it didn't seem right. He could have asked for his name, or come out point-blank and explain that he bore such a striking resemblance to the man he once loved. Izaya grew more anxious as he urged for the train to move faster and get out of the way so he could finally move on and blurt out the first things that came to mind.

In the end, Izaya didn't have to say anything for the mysterious blond was gone after the train had sped through the tracks completely. After a moment, he smiled to himself, turned, and continued walking.

Fin.

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><p><strong>Thank you so much, to <span>ALL<span>**** of my readers, subscribers and reviewers!  
>Thank you, Makoto Shinkai, for creating <strong>_**5 Centimeters Per Second**_** where I got most of my inspiration from. Thank you, Marc Cherry, for creating **_**Desperate Housewives**_** so I can mooch off all of Mary Alice Young's lines. I'll pledge my unwavering love to John Green and his writing as well.**

**Special thanks to:  
>The Leaf 180, for the lovely idea of burying Shizuo beneath a cherry blossom tree.<br>Ryodai89, for getting me to stop with the video games and actually update again. I'm sure this fic would still be stuck at Ch. 5 if it wasn't for you.  
><strong>

**And just in case, yes, that was Tsugaru at the end.  
>See? That's a pretty happy-ish ending. Or at least, it's implied. :)<strong>


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